


Tribulations

by Jackttwist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, College, Confessions, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, First Kiss, Friendship, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Miscommunication, Movie References, Parenthood, Pining, Profound Bond, Repressed Feelings, Retired Hunter Winchesters (Supernatural), Romance, Soulmates, Written While Quarantined, angel vs humans, the Dean Cave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:48:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 56,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackttwist/pseuds/Jackttwist
Summary: With no supernatural threat looming over them, it was only a matter of time before their own issues became the monster of the week.Or,The Winchester’s slow down after killing god. A month into their relaxed version of hunting, Cas returns to them with news: “Jack is going to college and I miss being human.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jody Mills/Sam Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 110





	1. I don't ever think I can.

**Author's Note:**

> HI welcome to this mess! 
> 
> As I'm writing this, this is peak lockdown summer 2020, I rewatched most of the series in the last 6 months and Supernatural has only aired 13 episodes of season 15. SO therefore I'm basing this around what I /THINK/ may happen which is: 
> 
> They kill God and monsters can't repopulate and Hell and Heaven have zero impact on Earth physically. 
> 
> That being said there's some canon divergence here to make my *destiel* version better
> 
> \- Mary died during the battle against God. Not because of Jack's mistake.  
> \- Dean and Jack have had more of a stable relationship than what's happened on the show, allowing the father and son relationship to blossom.  
> \- Also ignore the fact that Metatron gave Cas all his knowledge on literature, pop culture, history of the current age.
> 
> ultimately this is fanfiction and I had a lot of fun writing this.
> 
> Also I don't have a beta. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> I thank you for clicking on this and I hope you enjoy :)

Castiel has been a cosmic being for millions and millions of years, he’s watched the creation of mankind and history unfold. He— himself has been roaming the earth for over a decade. Even he had become human for a short period of time. Cas is old enough, wise enough, has been on this earth long enough to know better. And yet, Castiel continues to perfect that signature confused head tilt over the most minuscule things.

Dean's in the garage of the bunker, giving baby a tune-up. While Sam's off to the side, reading out some lore that Dean is ignoring. He’ll tell Jody the next time he talks to her, that they were bonding in this moment. The few times Dean has spoken to her in the last few weeks, she was concerned that they weren't doing anything but hunting. And as much to Dean’s protests, she still encouraged him that they do something else for their sanity, and hers. Dean may have given her some choice words about her comments. But in the end, she came clean saying she worries about them with Mary passing only a short month ago.

In all, that shut up him. So now here they are, bonding in the strange way the Winchesters know how to bond.

The flapping sound of Cas’ wings echoes throughout the garage and when Dean looks up, Cas is standing in the distance between him and Sam.

Dean and Sam both jump.

“Fucking hell Cas, you’ve been around us for how freakin’ long! Learn how to knock!” Dean curses, glaring at him from under baby’s hood. While Sam picks up the 100-year-old book he just dropped.

“Uh, okay... Sure. Sorry, Dean.”

“Why the sudden drop in?” Sam asks, book forgotten about and now standing by Dean’s workbench.

Dean suddenly realizes he doesn’t remember the last time he saw Cas, has it been 2 weeks? He and Sam dealt with a Tulpa in Iowa two Saturdays ago and Sam had broken a rib. Luckily Cas was with them, as he should be, and fixed Sammy right up. But… was that the last time? Surely he’s seen Cas in between then, but he has kinda been busy y’ know not thinking about how Chuck smited their mother with a snap of his fingers.

“Oh. I’m just dropping in to say hi… and make sure you’re both doing alright?” Cas stammers, floundering his hands around like he’s not sure how to use them.

Sam narrows his eyes, “Did Jody call you?”

Cas avoids Sam’s gaze by staring at the garage ceiling, “Uh.... no.”

Sam chuckles, “Right. Very convincing.”

“Fine. She did call, so I came.”

Seeing Cas standing there, awkward as ever but with an apologetic smile on his face. Dean’s amazed at how much better he feels when Cas is in the room. Sometimes he likes to think of how lucky he is to have the angel in his life. But most times, lucky doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  
When Dean looks back up, Cas’ eyes are pointed down “Sorry I don’t mean to pry I just—”   
“Cas, it’s alright. We’re doing okay” Sam assures with a grin.

Dean clears his throat, figuring he should probably speak “Yeah it’s fine man… although, haven’t seen you around lately? You keeping busy too?” he says trying to sound casual.

Cas’ eyes meet his and Dean sucks in a short breath. Without fail, Cas’ will always look absolutely breathtaking. Dean feels the urge to look away again, knowing his body is going to betray him by making his heart skip a beat. But he stands his ground, looking directly at Cas with minimal faltering.

“Um,” Cas’ eyes meet Sam’s “I’ve been busy with Jack.”

Dean pauses, “Wait he was texting me a few days ago— asking how to tell someone nicely that they’re being annoying…”

Cas’ face falls, “I wasn’t being annoying. I was being a parent.”

Dean bellows out a laugh as Sam snickers off to the side “Guess he had to go running to the other parent for advice.”

Dean shoots him a look, while Cas rolls his eyes.

When Dean finishes glaring he clears his throat, “So what was Dad and Son duo doing for this tension to arise?”

Cas takes a moment to think, “Well... I’m showing him around the world. Figured he should learn about all different walks of life, not just ours. I may have gotten a little too… controlling. But we talked.”

Dean nods, accepting that answer but can also see the way his head quirks and his eye twitches. He’s lying about something and Dean feels it like a punch to the gut. Instead of pressing the issue, he chooses to say “Gotcha” and turn back to the impala’s engine.

There’s an odd silence that creeps throughout the garage, only Dean’s wrench cranking making any noise.

Then Sam clears his throat, “Speaking of Jack. Cas did you give him the books I found for him last week?”

“Yes! I did. I told him to text you a thank you” Castiel grits in annoyance.

“It’s fine” Sam dismisses with a chuckle.

Cas was here? In the bunker? Last week? Dean’s positive he would’ve known if Cas was here. The guy isn’t necessarily quiet, and he’s become kind of a Chatty Cathy the more time he’s spent on earth.

Dean feels a flush of annoyance rise in his chest, “I’ve got some Dvd’s for him that he asked for? Would be nice if I was told when we were handing things off for Jack.”

Sam and Cas go quiet.

“Thought you knew?” Sam mumbles, “Sorry man.”

Dean resists making a smart remark towards Cas, but the guy is bouncing there like he wants to flap out asap. Dean decides that’s enough of a punishment.

  
Cas pipes up to continue, “Um, but there is another reason that I’m here. I think I found a case. Four bodies of investors for a museum have shown up dead in the last two weeks. Sounds like a vengeful spirit.”

Dean looks up at him confused, “I thought you were too busy showing Jack the human life?”

Cas eyes him, and for a second Dean is afraid. Afraid of Cas. The hell?

“Yes I was busy but Jack is... learning on his own now. So I thought I'd stop by, check-in, and give you the case.”

Dean grins, a lightbulb flickering over his head "Well if you needed a break from the kid why didn't you just say so." 

Cas makes an irritated noise "you say that as if I never need a break from you once and a while." 

Sam barks out a laugh, quickly covering it up with a cough.

Dean glares at him before throwing daggers at Sam and shrugs, “Okay, fine whatever. Where’s the museum?”

“Reno, Nevada. It’s some kind of old car museum. I figured it would pique your interest,” Cas says, gesturing to what’s in front of them.

Dean nods, “Alright. Let me finish up here then we’ll head out,” he says before bending back down to tightening up a loose bolt. 

“Cas you joining us?” Sam says. Dean would kick him if he could.

Cas pauses and Dean can see the wheels turning in his head. Sam then coughs, “Dean?”

Dean stares blankly “The more the merrier right?” he says half-assed. On the outside, he could care less, but on the inside, he’s viciously trying to figure out why Cas is acting weird towards him.

“Okay then sure, I’ll tag along.”

Dean ignores him, “Hey Sammy can you pass me that wrench on the edge of the table there.”

“Dean there’s like a million things on this table.”

“I think it’s this one” Cas says, coming to scoop up the wrench and passes it to Dean’s hand.

Dean looks at it confused before glancing back at him, “Cas. I told you to stay out of my head.”

“The faster you finish, the faster we can get on this case.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

“Dean, what are you even doing anyway?” Sam asks, now suddenly interested.

Dean lets out an aspirated gasp as he leans back to look at two very confused faces.

“To put it in words that you both will understand, I’m making baby… systematic… hydromatic, ultramatic…”

Sam groans in annoyance before turning around, ready to leave the room.

“Well, it could be grease lightning!” He singsongs with a smirk, a laugh ready to bark out.

Sam rolls his eyes now glaring at him, “You’re an ass- not that you’ve ever stopped being one. I’m gonna go pack.”

“Oh, you go do that Sammy!” 

Sam leaves the garage with the door clicking behind him, as Dean finishes up two more quick adjustments then slams baby’s hood shut.

When he looks up, Cas is staring around the place confused.

“What’s a’ matter Cas?” Dean questions, wiping his oil-stained hands on a rag.

“Uh, I’m having a hard time understanding how you can make this car systematic, hydromatic, and ultramatic without completely changing it for what it is.”

Dean exhales, “Cas— no it’s… man you have got to watch more movies.”   
“Huh?”

“It’s from Grease. This movie that came out in the ’70s. It’s a classic, it happened to be on TV countless times when me and Sam were bouncing around with Dad. The songs get stuck in your head, the plot is easy to follow and it’s got friggin’ John Travolta like come on man. It’s worth your time to watch.”

Cas clicks his jaw in annoyance and Dean notices the sudden shift of energy. Cas isn’t looking at him, his shoulders square and tense. He’s contemplating something and Dean can’t look away.

“Cas? What’s wrong-” he can’t even finish his sentence before Cas is snapping at him.  
“You make all these comments and I feel stupid for not understanding.”

Dean pauses, putting down the rag on his workbench. He takes a daring step closer to Cas but stops when he can feel Cas’s uncomfortably.

“Hey man, you’re not-”

Cas looks at him, “The last hunt we all worked on. You and Sam we’re talking about Mary, talking about songs and movies she likes and ones she’d grown to like over her reincarnation. It’s a nice way to remember someone, a deeper connection than only saying how you feel. You both were talking about these things, saying words that made sense but the context was not there. It’s like you were speaking a different language and I know every language, even dead ones!” Dean winces at the last sentence.

“Cas I never meant- neither of us meant to make you feel stupid. Cause you’re not- you’re not stupid.”

Cas lets out a heavy sigh, “I know you mean well Dean, but I’ve come to the realization that I will never understand your human references and I will have to live in the dark about it.”

Dean lets out a boisterous laugh, “Cas it’s not a secret code or something. It’s also not a human thing. Chuck— Metatron, they’ve said quotes from movies and books. It’s not that you’re ‘left in the dark’ it’s just that you haven’t seen any of these movies and that’s why you’re not understanding. That’s it, man.”

Cas lets out an agitated sigh, “But then you tell me to watch these things and I don’t even know-how. You’ve shown Jack how to use a computer, to use a phone properly, even use DVDs. I barely know how to use a phone to text and check the google maps.”

Dean tries not to snort.

“See- am I even saying that right? I have no clue. I’m still learning Dean. I may be an ancient celestial being, but I will not have you laugh at me for not understanding Grease Lightning and how to watch it.”

And then it dawns on Dean, Cas is right. Cas has never had the enjoyment of going to a movie rental store to pick out some favorites to watch over the weekend or turn on the TV to a movie he’s seen a thousand times being aired or even the upgrade from VHS to DVD to online streaming.

Dean steps closer to him, watching Cas curl in on himself. On top of Cas seemingly avoiding him, this doesn’t help Dean’s disposition either. So he’s careful about placing his hand on Cas’ arm, “Hey. Look. I’m sorry alright. I get what you’re saying. Let’s go do this case and then I show you how to use Netflix alright?”

“Dean I don’t know what that—”

Dean huffs, “Alright fine. Let’s start basic, ask Sam in the car about how movies came to be. It’ll give him something to focus on, rather than reading out loud some old book.”

Cas looks at Dean, and Dean swallows hard. Realizing how close they are right now, he’s quick in letting go of Cas’ arm taking a large step back.

“Okay. I’ll do that. Thanks, Dean.”

Dean scratches at the back of his neck, “Yeah, don’t mention it.”

~

Turns out asking Sam to detail how stories are turned into films takes the trip there and back to get Cas fully acquainted. Cas suddenly becoming an expert on the subject. All well Sam takes on the duty of making a list that Cas has to watch for either, A) life purposes or B) to get Dean’s crappy references.

Dean takes momentarily offence to that because Sam understands all his crappy references. But whatever, Dean lets his mind wander instead.

They’re about 6 hours from returning to the bunker after burning a cursed object in Reno (Dean wanted to leave asap ‘cause the sketchy owner of the museum kept offering Dean an outrageous sum of money for his car and there’s no way in hell he’d ever sell her) and well... Dean suddenly can’t get his mind off the idea of setting up a small room to be like a movie theatre. Or more appetizing to Dean, a Dean cave. Just somewhere with a large TV, a small bar, a popcorn maker, and a large enough couch that he and Cas could cuddle on.

Ok well... that’s something he’s been trying to store in the back of his mind for a while now. The odd thought does jump through at very unnecessary times, kind of like right now. Where Dean is keeping one eye on the road and one eye on the rearview mirror. The mirror that happens to be capturing a bubbling looking Cas in the back seat, who’s enthralled in Sam’s words about films.

They’ve been put through the meat grinder the last few months, so getting to do these easier cases and go home to watch a flick is very appealing. Minus the whole wanting to cuddle Cas thing. It’s still appealing, but it’s the last thing on Dean’s To-Do list.

So he suddenly makes his mind up and knows he’s gonna do it. Somewhere far away from everyone else’s spaces and the common areas. Somewhere you can blast the volume and no one outside will hear the electrifying sounds of dinosaurs roaring or helicopters whirling or earthquakes rumbling. Or having Cas on top of him, making Dean moan loud enough the whole town of Lebanon should hear him.

  
Dean forces himself to hum Grease Lighting under his breath to shy away the hardness in his pants. 

~

The next morning after Dean has finished his cereal and coffee. Sam’s out doing a few errands (whatever that means) and Cas went to go check in on Jack who’s been “learning on his own” (also whatever that means) Dean sets off to find the perfect spot for his cave.

Between the garage and the stairs to the dungeon, there’s a hallway that leads to a dead-end so it isn’t worth them ever having to travel this way. There are two rooms on this wing, both opposite of each other and packed with boxes and boxes of files.

Dean picks the door to the right, knowing that the room’s walls aren’t shared with any other room in the bunker. And considering that most of the rooms are soundproof anyways, this is a movie lovers dream.

Dean sets to work, lifting box after box and piling them into the room across the hall in some kind of real-life game of Tetris. He’s positive that he heard Sam return, but Dean’s focused and in a groove so he forces himself to finish moving stuff before going to eat whatever Sam hopefully brought him back.

After about 2 hours he finally pushes the last box across the hall and looks around the now empty room. It’s bigger than he thought, enough room for maybe two recliners plus a couch. He can envision it all now, TV on the wall, two chairs towards the front, a comfy couch behind them, bar over along the wall, and the ping pong table in the nook along the side.

Cas is gonna love this! Dean thinks to himself and shakes his head to get rid of the thought.

Luckily enough his phone vibrates in his pocket, he pulls it out to see Jack’s caller ID come up. He grins to himself.

“Hey, buddy!”

“Hey, Dean!” Jack’s upbeat voice rings.

“How’s it going?” Dean asks, leaning up against the wall in the empty room.

“Good good. Cas took me to Paris a few weeks ago, that was cool. How are you doing?”

Dean snorts “Same old, same old kid.”

“Cas said you guys have slowed down a bit since um… Mary” He says her name like he isn’t supposed to.

Dean pauses, “You can talk about her Jack. It’s okay. But yeah kind of, we’re still picking up some small cases but there are younger hunters out there now. Gotta pass the torch sometime.”

“Right makes sense.”

“I have those movies you asked for weeks ago,” Dean says, changing the subject.

“Oh sweet! Thanks. I’ll have to come by when I have some time.”

“You could swing by now? I’m not doing much, we could catch up. You and Cas have been doing the whole world tour thing I’d like to hear about it.”

  
“Um…” Jack starts but then there’s a crashing sound on Jack’s end.

“Jack?! What was that.”

“Nothing!” Jack screeches.

“You sure?”

There’s quiet from Jack but then the sound of a door clicking shut “Yeah yeah. It’s… I- Do you think you could help me?”

“Maybe?”

Jack pauses, “I need some fake documents... for me... cause I wanna go to school.”

This was not what Dean was expecting when he answered the phone. Jack usually calls or texts about movies, or candy or to complain about Cas but school?

“Uh yeah of course man. Are you thinking like… high school? Cause you’re kinda old for that.”

“No no. College. I’ve done research and I wanna go, but I need to apply and that takes high school grades and such.”

“Yeah yeah of course. I’m sure Sammy could whip up something.”

“That would be amazing Dean. Thank you.”

“What do you even want to take?”

“Humanities.”

Dean snorts, “Ok fair enough. Have you talked to Cas about this?”

“Yeah, he told me to reach out to you guys to help with documents.”

Dean bites his lip, “Alright. Okay. And you’re sure this is what you wanna do?”

“Yeah! I’m really excited Dean, it’s like a new start.”

“Of course it is. And hey you deserve it but I gotta ask man. Where will you live? And money? Who’s paying for all this?”

Dean’s positive he could hear the smugness in Jack’s breathing, Dean knows he’s walked into a trap with this one.

“Well, my mom had a college fund set up for her child which is me. And there was a sign on campus for someone looking for a roommate so I’m staying with him a few blocks off-campus. and I’m looking at finding a job here too. And Cas is helping me get furniture and groceries. He met Sebastian, my roommate, I told him Cas was my Dad- which was… nice. Oh also, Cas told me my DNA is the presidents, so I did something not entirely ethical but I’m set with money.”

Dean gasps with laughter “You what?!”

Jack scoffs “It was a whole thing I don’t want to get into it. But I’m fine, really Dean.”

“Damn Jack." He answers, bewildered. "So you’re positive that you want this? What if you don’t get in?”

  
“Yes. Yes, I really want this… and that depends how well you and Sam fake my application.”

Dean snorts “Alright. Damn, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I didn’t think I had it in me either, but I know what I want. So can I get your help?”

“Of course Jack. I’ll talk to Sam.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

Then there’s a muffled voice from Jack’s end “Jack?! Jack?! Where are you- oh why are you hiding?”

“Is that Cas?” Dean asks confused.

“Um” Jack begins, but Dean can hear Cas babbling about how the desk that they got is suddenly missing a wheel and fell over.

“It had a wheel when we left the store?!” Jack argues.

“I know that but-”

Dean chimes in on the phone “Jack what is going on? How long has Cas known about this?”

Jack hums, “Uh couple weeks. But I told him not to tell you guys- Cas it’s probably in Sebastian's truck did you ask him?”

“No I didn’t- is that Dean?”

“Yeah, I was asking for documents.”

“I can hear you both y’ know,” Dean says but he’s sure he’s being ignored.

“Why now? Your roommate is struggling to bring up all your furniture Jack you need to go help him.”

“I was only trying to get this part going. Classes start in less than 2 weeks and I’m not even enrolled.”

“Well, whose fault is that for deciding this so late I told you.”   
“Yeah yeah I know you told me.”

“JACK?!” Dean tries to yell but Cas and Jack continue to bicker. He hangs up a few minutes later, confused as ever.

As if his confusion wasn’t enough his stomach growls so he makes his way to the kitchen. Still trying to process what he just heard. When he walks into the kitchen Sam is sat at the table, laptop in front of him with an empty plate beside it.

“Where were you?” Sam says as Dean is washing his hands.

“Huh?”

“Have you been home the whole time?”

“Yeah? I was… exploring…”

  
Sam narrows his eyes, “I don’t wanna know what that means. Anyways there’s a burrito in the fridge for you.”

“Sweet! Thanks.”

Dean digs through the fridge when he makes a mental note to find a spot for a mini-fridge in his cave.

“But hey, get this. I think I found another case. This one’s outside of Dallas, multiple farmers waking up to their animal’s dead-”

“Jack called.”

“Oh?”

“He wants to go to college” Dean spits out.

Sam’s eyes grow big, “Um. What?!”

Dean looks up at the ceiling instinctively “Cas you better hear this cause I just listened to you two argue for 10 minutes and I want an explanation,” Dean says to the emptiness around them.

There’s a minute of nothing and then a low whoosh is heard around the room. Cas suddenly appearing in the room looking disheveled.

“I’m busy Dean” Cas deadpans, looking like he’s gonna zap back out of the room.

Dean narrows his eyes at him, “No stop. What is going on?”

“Did you convince Jack to want to go to college? ” Sam asks sounding unsure.

Cas hesitates then sighs, “No. It was his idea to enroll. When we were in France a few weeks ago he got lost in the shuffle of some study broad tour group. He learned somethings in that week—” he shifts uncomfortably, “Things that I feel I should know about and I can’t believe I haven’t heard of.”

Dean gives Cas an easy look, “Hey you’ve been kinda busy saving humankind. Give yourself a break man,” then turns to Sam “Jack wants us to make fake documents for him to apply to school. That’s why he called me. Can you do that?”

Sam waivers, “Well yeah I can but is he sure? It’s not a walk in the park, college is a lot of discipline and time. And... he’s never even gone to school.”

“Jack’s smart. He’ll figure it out sooner or later” Dean says, “and hey if one of us can get out this business for real then why not?”

Sam cocks his head in agreement “True,” then starts typing out on his laptop.

“We’re moving him into an apartment with a roommate. Jack and I, we went got him everything he said he needs” Cas adds.

“Ok but,” Sam says not looking up from his screen, “how did he afford any of that?”

“Kelly had savings and get this. He blackmailed the president” Dean says matter-of-factly while eying Cas.

Sam looks up, “You’re kidding.”

“He’s not” Cas chimes in, “He got a DNA test done and we sent it off. Ended up having this whole to do with the PR department of the White House. That’s part of why I wasn’t around.”

Dean looks at Cas confused, “Part of it?”

Then Sam interjects “Geez Cas. We’re we ever gonna find out about any of this?”

Cas turns to face both Winchesters, “You guys had a lot on your plate with Mary passing recently. And I didn’t want to have you both worrying when we had a handle on it.”

Dean shifts uncomfortably. Mary came back to earth for 4 years, but then passed due to a botched incident when they killed God, a little over a month ago (A point where Sam and Dean decided they could finally slow down). It’s still very fresh in Dean’s mind but Cas checks in on her every so often making sure she remains at peace. That’s the only thing that keeps Dean sane.

Cas coughs snapping Dean out of his thoughts, “Jack had to de-age himself when he met his biological father briefly. It was very quick though and they won’t have much of a relationship. But he'll continue to get a sum of money that will help him live a comfortable life and I have some very cute pictures of Jack as a toddler” Cas beams.

Dean huffs looking at Sam who seems to have checked out of the conversation, now typing furiously on his laptop. Dean suddenly realizes he can finally get his two cents in, “Okay... then what’s the other reason about not being around a few weeks ago? ”

Cas frowns, “It’s not important.”

“No. It clearly is because you’ve been poofing yourself out of here left right and center, I barely see you anymore or you go to Sam, so what the hell?”

Cas looks sad. He’s frowning well his shoulders sag, and he averts Dean’s stare. The only sound of the clock ticking can be heard throughout the whole kitchen. Sam’s not even typing, only staring at his screen wishing he wasn’t in the room at this moment.

Eventually, Cas looks up at Dean, “I- I don’t know how to explain it, Dean. I felt… like... I needed space okay? I was feeling overwhelmed and I didn’t want to get into an argument with you over all this.”

Dean shakes his head “This- meaning Jack?”

Cas chews on his cheek, looking between both Winchester’s now “No no, not Jack… it’s-”

“Just say your thoughts Cas,” Dean says flatly.

Cas sighs, looking down at the floor before gaining the courage to speak “... Jack’s out there, making friends, applying for jobs, going to college. He’s young and so full of life. He’s about to experience so much good of humanity because he’s out of this mess” He gestures to the three of them “And sometimes, I get jealous of that. Cause yeah Jack has powers but he’s also part human. So once he’s out there he gets to make mistakes, to learn from them, gets to feel emotion, and body sensations. And maybe one day, he’ll love someone, he’ll get a real job, he’ll get a house, he’ll retire, he’ll have grandkids. He’ll live a full life going through some of humanity's greatest obstacles and greatest adventures, all in a different way than I’ll ever get to.” Cas sighs sounding defeated, “The human part of himself is thriving and sometimes I wish I still had apart of that in me.”

Dean looks at Sam, both frowning.

“Cas come on, you don’t mean that?” Sam says concerned.

Cas shrugs, “Sometimes I feel like it would be easier for a lot of things. But then I’d know what it’s like to get cold or have the hiccups. I could finally get Dean’s dumb references and I could finally relate to you all instead of feeling like an outsider.”

Dean feels his heart hammer in his chest.

“I hang out with Jack because I could never have a normal life. But here he is deciding that he can. He can go to college, have an apartment, and a social life. It’s not what I was created for but getting to experience some of it with Jack has been enlightening” he lets his shoulder sag “Sometimes I wish when I had lost my Grace it wasn’t possible for me to get it back.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Dean asks quietly.

Cas shrugs solemnly “A few years maybe?”

Sam is suddenly by Cas’ side putting his arm on his shoulder, “Hey, I know I won’t understand exactly what you’re going through. But I hear you, and if there’s anything we can help with you let us know alright?”

Cas nods, “Thank you, Sam.”

Dean feels frozen especially with two sets of eyes on him but he’s trying to process all of this. Cas wants to be human? Or included in some parts of it? And he wants a job? A house? Someone, to share that with? He wants to forget heaven and hell and monsters, something Dean’s been internally craving for years but could never gain the courage to do. But Cas… Cas wants that?

His mouth is dry, his hands are clammy, he can hear his heart beating in his ears. Sam and Cas are both staring at him but all he sees is Cas. Castiel the angel who rescued him from hell and put him back together. Who rebelled against heaven for him. Who always wanted to do the right thing to make sure the Winchesters- that Dean was okay.

So much has happened while Dean’s been blindsided by the fear of something continuously coming after them. That there was always a bigger threat on its way, but in the last few weeks they’ve stepped back and it’s given Dean time to think.

And he’s done a lot of it, trying to make sense of the mess of thoughts that haven’t had a chance to settle. But now Dean’s gotten to pinpoint what all those thoughts mean and it’s simple. Dean knows this, he’s just held it in for so long.

He loves Cas.

He really does. And he’s admitting it to himself for the first time ever. Feeling dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden with a slight pain in his chest. He thinks he’s doing a good job of hiding his revelation and clears his throat, “Yeah of course Cas. Anything you need. You tell us.”

Cas grins at him and Dean almost wants to look away, “Thank you, Dean.”

“So I found a case in Dallas” Sam begins, “Cas, you want in?”

“Yeah, I’m in. But give me an hour to finish up with Jack. I’ll be back.”

“Great,” Dean says before swiftly leaving the room.

Dean needed the escape. Too many thoughts at once swirling through his mind. Jack going off to college? Cas wanting to be human? Him being in love with Cas and admitting it to himself? Damn Winchester, you sure know how to make a situation even more complicated.

With Cas’s human thing it makes no sense to Dean no matter how he tries to spin it. He’s been human his whole life and it’s shitty plain and simple. But if that’s what Cas wants then he’ll be damned if he can’t help in some kind of way.

He’s quick on his laptop downloading a few things and grabbing a pair of headphones from his bedside table. He stuffs them into a separate bag then pulls his suit from his closet. He showers and changes before meeting the other two in the garage an hour later. Sam looks like he’s been waiting a while, well Cas is already in the back seat ready to go.

“Damn some eager beavers you two are,” Dean comments mostly to himself before throwing his bag in the trunk. He slams it shut just as Sam says, “Crap. Forgot my phone. Hang on.”

“Like I could leave without you, Samuel!” Dean shouts but Sam’s already out of the room.

Dean lets out a deep sigh before sliding into the driver's seat, the other bag still in his hands.

“How’s Jack?” Dean starts with something easy.

“Bossy as ever. But I think he was glad I was getting out of his space.”

“Kids amiright?” he snorts. Cas shrugs.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean begins.

“Yes?”

Dean takes a deep breath, “Do you actually wish to have all that. Y’know the house, the job, the apple-pie life.”

Cas is quiet for a moment, thinking “Sometimes.”

Dean turns in his seat to look Cas in the eye. Those beautiful, blue sparkling eyes that are peering down currently, twisted with concern thought.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel excluded because you don't get human things. Me and Sam, we should’ve been better in letting you in on the what’s what but whatever you need, just say it and we’re here.”

Cas gives him a thin smile, he’s upset Dean can see that. He wants to reach out, touch him, comfort him in someway cause he hates seeing Cas so torn up.

“Dean I have to apologize too…” Cas begins “You’re just- so full of life. You’ve had so much experience in this world in such a short time I guess I felt a little jealous. Sorry that all that led to avoiding you. I should have spoken up but I hid. So I am sorry.”

Dean shakes his head and offers Cas an easy smile, “Hey it’s in the past now man. We’ll figure it out whatever you’re needing alright?”

“Alright.”

“We good now?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good.” He pauses “But actually… I have something for you” Dean says handing the bag across the seat. Cas takes it carefully.

“I brought my laptop. It has Grease downloaded if you wanted to learn about Grease Lightning.”

Dean’s still turned watching as Cas carefully pulls the laptop out of the bag and sits it on his lap.

When he opens the screen the movie is already opened and only play needs to be pressed.

“There’s headphones too. Cause there’s no way in hell I’m getting ‘Sandra Dee’ stuck in my head on an 8-hour road trip.”

The earbuds follow and Cas finds where they fit easily enough, “Thank you, Dean. This means a lot.”

“No problem Cas,” Dean smiles to himself before turning back in his seat. Thankfully, Sam is entering back into the garage when Dean turns the engine of the impala on.

“Found it,” Sam says sliding into the passenger seat.

“Congrats,” Dean deadpans before starting to back out of the garage.

“Why does Cas have your laptop?”

“He’s watching Grease.”

Sam snorts “Seriously?”

“I want someone to understand my crappy references,” Dean retorts glaring at Sam.

They’re out of the garage and Dean’s got baby cruising towards the highway. Over baby’s purr, Dean can barely hear Sam mutter, “Maybe you want him to be the Danny to your Sandy?”

“Shut up Sam,” Dean growls.

Sam snorts again, “Yeah whatever you say, Dean.”

~

They finished up the Dallas case in less than 48 hours of arriving. But then Cesar had called, asking them for help in New Mexico with a much larger case. Some mass mutilations happening one town over.

They’ve been in the small town for three whole days, coming up with nothing.

Dean and Cas exit the sheriff's office for what feels like the 100th time when Dean catches Cas humming ‘Grease Lightning’ under his breath.

“Cas are you humming... Grease Lightning?” Dean asks. Cas looks spooked by Dean’s comment, “Whoa there. It’s not a bad thing.”

Cas settles as they cross the parking lot, they left Sam at the library to research local lore so Cas is stoked cause he gets to call shotgun.

“Sam showed me how to put it on my phone. It sticks in your head” Cas replies.

Dean snorts, “Tell me about it.”

“Actually, I wanted to tell you” Cas pauses “I think the Impala is already Grease Lightning” He smirks. Dean falls more in love with him.

“You’re damn right she is,” Dean retorts as they both slide into the car.

Suddenly Dean’s phone is ringing, he fishes it out of his pocket and sees Jack’s caller ID come up.

He gives Cas an amused look before answering.

“Hey, buddy what’s going on?”

“DEAN IS CAS WITH YOU!” He shouts from the other line. Dean pulls the phone away from his ear at the volume of Jack’s voice.

“Yeah yeah he’s right next to me, what’s going on?”

Jack snorts, “Of course he is.”

“Watch it,” Dean warns.

“I think Cas’s phone is dead.”

Dean pulls the phone away from his ear, “Cas is your phone dead?” Cas looks at him confused before pulling it out of his suit pocket, tapping the home button only for the dead battery symbol to appear. Dean passes Cas the cord attached to the Impala to charge it.

“Yeah, his phone's dead” Dean replies.

“SORRY JACK!” Cas shouts enough for Jack to chuckle when he hears him.

“It’s fine,” he says still laughing “Is Sam there?”

“No, he’s researching.”

“Damn. Well, put me on speaker anyways.”

Dean pulls his phone from his face and taps the speaker button on the screen. He glances at Cas concerned, well Cas is also sporting a confused look.

“Alright, Jack you’re on speaker. Now, what’s going-”

“I GOT IN!” Jack yells, excitement seeping through the speaker.

Both Dean and Cas gasp at the same time and when Dean looks over at Cas he’s beaming. Like the sun would pop right through his eyes and stars would fall from his mouth.

“Congrats Jack!” Dean exclaims with a smile wide on his mouth.

“Jack that’s so amazing. I’m so happy for you,” Cas tells him.

“I couldn’t have done it without you guys, and Sam. So thanks both of you, a lot. I’ll have to call Sam and tell him.”

“We’re very happy for you Jack. Stanford is lucky to have you” Cas smiles well speaking into the phone.

Dean furrows his brows, “Did you say Stanford as in California, Stanford?”

“Yeah?” Cas replies.

“That's Sammy’s old school.”

“Maybe that’s how I remembered the name,” Jack says lowly “I hope he won’t be mad.”

“What no! Sammy will be stoked for you. He’ll talk your head off until you get annoyed of him,” Dean cackles.

“I should probably call him then!” Jack announces.

“Go for it. We have to go grab him at the local library but we can get food beforehand. Give some time for your Uncle to enlighten you,” Dean huffs with a laugh.

Jack lets out a snicker, “Alright, I’ll phone him. Uh, thanks again, guys. I’ll talk to you both soon.” “Bye Jack,” Both Dean and Cas say at the same time before Dean hangs up. Cas lets out a large exhale, “What a relief. I’m so glad he got in.”

“Me too,” Dean smiles widely before pulling out of the parking lot. But the smile falters as he realizes he referred to Sam as an Uncle to Jack. and that- is something he’ll have to come back to. Much, much later.

~

Dean knew sooner or later that Sam would find him in his work-in-progress Dean cave, except he’s surprised to see Cas standing there at the door instead.

“So this is where you keep disappearing off too,” Cas says amused well stepping into the room.

They’ve been home for five days now. The case in New Mexico ended up being a hybrid Human-Chupacabra that also fed off humans. They took out the nest and eggs, figuring that should do the trick, and looking at reports now it seems it did.

They were out of the state of Kansas for a full 10 days. The longest road trip in a while. So they’ve decided to hunker down for a bit, with Cas also deciding to stick around.

Four days ago, Sam took some of that time to show Cas how to properly use his phone. Cas and Jack had ongoing games of iMessage pool for about 24 hours straight. It took Cas 4 rounds to finally get the hang of it and he laughed when he beat Jack. He continued to show Dean well asking for help on how to beat the youngster. But after all that Dean started his own with Cas. They sat for four hours playing against each other last night. Out of 15 rounds, Dean won 8. Barely making him the winner that Cas refused to acknowledge.

So with Cas hanging around, and learning how to use Google and Instagram and Pinterest. He also learned how to take a selfie (Dean was washing dishes well Cas was sat at the kitchen table. He wanted to learn. So Dean stepped aside, told Cas to hold his phone up and click. A selfie of the two of them pressed cheek to cheek was born. Cas sent it to Jack who replied “You two make a cute couple” and Dean pretended he didn’t read that) Dean’s mood (not-surprisingly) does a complete 180.

Dean huffs with a laugh, “Uh yeah, this is my project I guess,” he says before returning to painting the walls. This deep navy blue that fits his aesthetic perfectly. He’s got this last wall to finish and then he can move the few tables and a cabinet he found in the bunkers storage.

The recliners he found online, some guy selling them on the other side of town. So he met up with the guy two days ago. $100 bucks cash for the recliners and another $100 for the guy to deliver them to the bunker, no questions asked. On his way from buying the 65 inch TV yesterday, someone had put ‘Free’ on a couch on their front driveway. Dean stopped, checked it out for bugs or rodents, and deemed it acceptable. He called the recliner dude and offered him $300 bucks if he’d help him move it. The guy was there in less than 20 minutes and Dean had the couch in the garage an hour later.

“Is this your new bedroom?” Cas asks curiously. Dean now notices that the guy isn’t in his usual trenchcoat and suit get up. Dean pauses, realizing that he hasn’t seen Cas in anything else since Cas was a human.

“Uh- no, Cas what are you wearing?”

Cas looks down as if he forgot, “Oh. I thought that when humans were home they liked to wear comfy clothes?”

“Yes but- is that my shirt?” Dean feels his cheeks go hot.

“Um… Yes? I wanted to test that theory. I asked Sam for clothes but he told me yours would fit better?” Dammit, Sam!

“Is it a problem?”

When he stops cursing his little brother, he takes a good look over Cas. The sweatpants are a little big on him but Dean’s t-shirt with a faded ACDC logo on it hugs Cas’ curves perfectly.

“No no!” Dean says maybe a little too quickly.

“So it’s not a problem?” Cas asks again looking 2 seconds away from flapping out of the room.

“No Cas. It’s not a problem. It- it suits you. You look comfortable.” and hot, so so hot.

“Oh okay. I feel comfortable” He smiles blissfully.

Dean is suddenly eager to change the subject, “Um have you heard from Jack at all?”

Cas suddenly looks surprised, “Right! That’s why I came to find you actually. He called, said he’s doing fine. He missed the first three days with enrolling kinda late. But he said he stayed in the library till 11 two nights in a row to get caught up.”

Dean huffs, “Well if admissions didn’t take fourteen years he could’ve gone to the first three days.”

“He said he’s fully caught up now Dean. Also, he did get that job at the coffee shop on campus and he was invited to a party on the weekend.”

“He’s been on campus for almost two weeks and he’s already invited to shit wow.” Cas shrugs, “He’s... adjusting.”

“I’m surprised that's all. He’s kind of on the awkward side so I’m glad people are taking a liking to him.”

“We could… go visit him soon. I could zap us there for an evening, it could be nice to check up on him?”

Dean considers this for a second and sees no reason to argue, “Yeah that’d be good.”   
“I think so,” Cas agrees.

Dean flashes him a curt smile before he goes back to painting. Trying to ignore the ring of ‘you and Cas are pretty much married with a kid right now’ that his inner voice screams at him.

“So what’s this place again?” Cas asks.

“Oh, it’s kind of a personal space for me. A place to watch movies and hangout. But see, as the sole owner I can invite whoever I want in here.”

“Oh, so it's like a secret club huh?”

Dean shrugs, “Sure.”

“Am I invited?” Cas asks and Dean almost drops the roller. He turns to look over his shoulder, “Top of the list Cas.”

Cas beams at him and Dean has to force himself to focus on painting.

“Hey, maybe if you help me finish setting up, I’ll let you pick the first movie we watch in here?”

Cas’ quirks an eyebrow, “Alright sounds fair. What do you want me to do?”

“You think you can angel the stuff from the garage into the hallway?”

There’s silence from Cas, but when Dean looks back over at him he’s giving Dean a look of I’m-an-angel-of-course-I-can-zap-some-fucking-furniture-elsewhere-dumbass and Dean laughs.

~

With Cas’ mojo and that's about it they get the place all suited up that night. Everything’s in its spot like Dean imagined it, including Cas sitting in one of the recliners.

“Looks fucking sweet. Thanks for your help Cas.”   
“Anytime Dean.”

“See if you were human we would’ve had to let the paint dry overnight and move everything from the garage here one by one. It would've been exhausting.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

Dean considers this for a second, “I mean- well sure...”

Cas grins at him, knowing he’s proved his point.

“Anyways you promised I could pick the first movie?”

Dean suddenly wants to retract that statement, “Well I-”

Cas narrows his eyes, “I could zap everything back out of here in a second flat.”

“Okay okay, a promise is a promise. What do you have in mind?”

“Frozen.”

“Excuse me?”

“That movie, Frozen. It’s everywhere. On commercials, on food, the song sometimes plays on the radio and I think Jack even knows it. The Let it Go song.”

Dean shakes his head in disbelief, “Disney man. They get you.”   
“Disney?” Cas asks.

Dean starts typing out on his laptop that’s hooked up to the TV. Downloading Frozen instantly, “Yeah? The man and the mouse. He started making movies and then built the parks. The Happiest Place On Earth and all that. People go nuts for his stuff, Sam enjoys the movies. I’ve never really had a taste.”

“Okay well I wanna watch Frozen that’s my pick,” Cas says, undoing the footrest.

“Alright alright. It’s all downloaded, you comfy enough?” Dean asks already knowing the answer.

“I’m perfectly comfy Dean.”

Dean hits play and retreats to his own recliner also flipping up the footrest. This isn’t quite what Dean had imagined for this room, but it’s a start. He’ll take it.

~

“You’ve seen this movie haven't you?” Cas blurts out after Elsa had built her ice castle and had claimed to Let it Go.

Dean goes full defensive mode, “no!”

“Bullshit” Cas replies, the words blunt off his mouth making Dean’s ears ring. Cas swearing is something he can’t get used to.

“Sam maybe had the music playing in the war room one day and I searched where it was from okay! Don’t judge,” Dean protests but Cas chuckles, “You’re secret’s safe with me, Dean.”

~

The movie finishes and Cas looks all tiny curled up on the recliner, Dean pauses before moving to his laptop.

“You up for another?” Dean questions, it’s barely after midnight and he’s not tired.

“I am if you are,” Cas grins.

Dean smiles before downloading the first Ghostbusters.

~

It takes Sam three days to finally make his way to stand in the doorway of Dean’s cave. Flicking on the light as Indiana Jones is recovering the Ark from the Well of the Souls.

“What the hell Sam!” Dean barks.

“So this is where you two have been for days?” Sam says sounded offended.

“Welcome to the Dean Cave Sammy” Dean chides earning him a grunt from Sam. “Yeah, thanks for the invite…. Wait! You’re watching Raiders? Dude you know that’s one of my favorites!”

Dean gestures at him, “Yeah well Cas hasn’t seen it so we’re watching them and you’re interrupting.”

“Wait you’re gonna watch Temple of Doom after?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t start T-O-D without me! I’ll make popcorn!” then he’s gone.

Dean’s suddenly reminded of a 9-year-old Sam. Begging their Dad to buy them a box of popcorn while they filled up with gas. His reason being he wanted to have a real movie night since they never got to go to the theatre that often. He got his popcorn, John went on a hunt and Dean remembers watching Jurassic Park with Sam that same night.

“Guess we’re getting company,” Dean says to Cas.

“I’ve never seen Sam so excited.”

Dean chuckles, “Yeah... I should’ve told him. He can recite these movies as if they were written on the back of his hand.”

Cas snorts.

Dean hits play for Raiders of the Lost Ark to continue but after a minute of watching he feels his phone buzz in his robe pocket. He carefully pulls it out, turning the brightness down shielding it from Cas so he doesn’t ruin the experience.

JACK: Dean I have a question.

DEAN: Shoot.

JACK: Can I get drunk?

DEAN: That might be a question for Cas bud.

JACK: No I’m asking permission.

DEAN: Oh you don’t have to?

DEAN: But only drink as long as you feel safe okay?

DEAN: Are you going to that party tonight?

JACK: ok.

JACK: Yeah I’m kinda nervous.

DEAN: Hey listen. If you feel uncomfortable then you have the right to leave alright?

JACK: Ok.

DEAN: and if you feel you’re in trouble call us okay? I know I’m not much help but Cas can zap us over to you if needed.

JACK: Thanks, Dean.

DEAN: Anytime kiddo :) Enjoy tonight.

Cas looks over at him, “Jack?”

“Yeah… he’s asking permission to drink,” Dean says matter-of-factly. Cas looks guilty.

“What?” Dean questions.

“I may have told him alcohol was more your thing over mine. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re teaching him to be safe with drinking and I’m happy to steer him clear of my bad habits.”

“You sure?”

“Let is go Cas. It’s fine” Dean says grinning.

“Jackass,” Cas sneers.

“Smartass,” Dean retorts, well pocketing his phone but not without turning his ringer on.

~

They finish Raiders of The Lost Ark and wait for Sam who comes back into the room freshly showered, PJ clad, and holding two bowls. Sam passes a bowl to Dean and then a cold beer (alright Sam can stay) well Sam gets comfy on the couch behind them.

“Cas you ever had popcorn before?” Sam asks from behind him.

“Not that I can recall?”

“Wanna try?” Sam says nodding at Dean to pass Cas the bowl.

Dean furrows his brows, “But you're a full angel again isn’t food funny tasting?”

Cas shrugs, “It was weird tasting after being human, remembering the way my human senses picked everything up. Now? I’ve taught myself ways to put the molecules aside and enjoy food even though I don’t need it.”

Sam is suddenly looking back at Dean who begrudgingly gives Cas the bowl.

Well, Cas is careful in selecting one of the popped corns, placing it into his mouth. Dean swallows hard, feeling like he shouldn’t be watching Cas do this. Like it’s an invasion of privacy or something, even if all the guy is doing is eating.

“So?” Sam questions.

“Not bad, salty and buttery and airy. It’s good,” Cas says popping a few more pieces into his mouth.

  
“Don’t eat it all! Did angel school not teach you sharing is caring,” Dean says half-joking, half-serious.

Cas rolls his eyes and continues to eat.

Dean also rolls his eyes, then stands to flick the lights off “Alright, all set?” he asks, getting nods from the room then hits play.

“I don’t remember the last time I sat down to watch an actual movie on a TV. It has to have been years,” Sam says sighing as the Lucasfilm title appears on the screen.

Dean sips his beer and leans to grab a fist full of popcorn from Cas’s lap. Trying to not to notice how his arm burns from where he brushed up against Cas’. So he forces himself to focus on the screen before him.

Dean waits a few moments before turning to look at Cas. Eye’s trained on the TV, looking cozy on the recliner. Dean did grab blankets for both of them even though Cas doesn’t get cold yet he’s still got his legs covered.

If he’s trying to look human, he does. Cause for a second Dean forgets that Cas is a celestial being that could zap him to the other side of the world. But Cas looks so soft, his hair a little rumpled and out of place. His eyes have crinkles and his lip quirks at loud sounds, Dean could watch him for hours if he wanted.

Sam coughs and Dean looks back at him. Sam gives him a look of Should-I-Leave-If-You-Are-Going-To-Jump-His-Bones-Or? And Dean jerks his head as a threat, but Sam knows it's empty.

~

After they finished Temple of Doom, Sam convinced them both to watch The Last Crusade. It’s almost 4 am as Dean crawls into bed. He’s resting his head on his pillow, on the brink of sleep when Dean’s phone chimes.

He’s quick in picking it up, squinting at the bright screen.

JACK: I m bck h o me.

JACK: & I”M SA fe :)

Dean lets himself laugh in relief.

DEAN: You have a good night?

JACK: FUN SO muhc FUN.

JACK: THere’s a bot le th a t has my nA me on It.

DEAN: Go to sleep Jack. Glad you had fun.

JACK: tha nn Ks DAD.

Dean doesn’t know how to process that message. But curls into bed and lays on his side, staring at the concrete walls of his room. Dad huh? The worst part is that it doesn’t scare him as much as he thought it would.

~

  
Dean tells no one about Jack drunk texting him and calling him dad. Especially when Cas has been the one to parent him over the years. Dean enjoys the idea of having Cas and Jack as his own little family but deep down he knows it’s only that, an idea. Dean has no say in Jack’s life, nor would he feel comfortable in taking on that responsibility. He doesn’t deserve that title, he hasn’t earned it. But still, the fact that Jack drunk texted him that. Dean is really at odds now.

And as much as he rather not acknowledge being thought of as some fatherly figure, he does become a bit more active in Jack's life. Sure they texted every other week or so before, mostly about movies or when Jack wanted to vent about Cas (Dean would never tell Cas that) but now Jack sends random questions or a funny photo, or a request to play iMessage pool daily. And Dean usually texts him every other day to see if Jack’s not busy. and when Jack’s not, Dean will call him. They’ll talk about their day (Jack definitely talks more) for about five or ten minutes and then go back to their day. It’s nice, Dean feels like he has a friend outside of his usual crew. Someone who will (at most times) talk about normal things.

This continues consistently for almost three weeks. They were on a hunt in North Dakota, having just finished up a shapeshifter thing. The three of them returned to the rundown motel, Sam calling dibs on the shower first. Dean had cursed and took a seat at the squeaky table in the corner. Pulling his phone out and replying to Jack’s question of ‘What’s a Fraternity?’

Dean was typing ‘whatever you do. Don’t join’ when Cas broke his thoughts.

“Who do you talk to on the phone almost every night?”

Dean froze “Oh… um. It’s Jack.”

“Oh,” Cas looks surprised.

“Was- Was that not the answer you were expecting?”

Cas hesitates “No- I mean… I’m not sure what I was expecting” Dean just nods, understanding.

“It’s nice that you two are talking, he needs that. Someone that isn’t me… to guide him” Cas responds.

“You’re doing just fine on your own Cas.”

Cas shrugs “Sometimes doing things on your own isn’t the best though.”

Dean doesn’t know how to take that but got lucky when Sam appeared from the steamy bathroom, “I think I left some hot water” he laughed.

That was the end of that conversation. But Cas must’ve said something to the kid, ‘cause Cas started coming up more and more in their conversations.

JACK: Wait so you stabbed him with a demon knife and hoped that it would kill him?

DEAN: Yup. Clearly, it didn’t.

JACK: Damn. He rescues you and you repay him by stabbing him. How nice.

DEAN: Don’t you have studying to be doing?

JACK: Hey I only asked how you and Cas met. You’re the one who spelled out the whole story.

DEAN: *middle finger emoji*

JACK: Yes I know I’m number 1.

DEAN: You do know what that emoji means right?

JACK: You do know what sarcasm is right?

DEAN: That’s it. I’m telling your dad you’re bullying me.

JACK: Good maybe then I’ll actually get to see him once in a while.

DEAN: Hey whoa. You know you could tell him you miss him. He’d come see you in a second flat.

JACK: And take him away from you???? How is that fair.

JACK: sidenote. you’re a lot nicer when you’re around him.

DEAN: Don’t test me, kid.

JACK: Yeah yeah empty threats Dean. I’ll text him tomorrow.

DEAN: Don’t think he’s forgotten about you. All he talks to me about is you.

JACK: Glad to be born to keep the spark between you two alive.

DEAN: Go to bed.

JACK: *eye roll emoji* I AM going to bed.

DEAN: Good.

JACK: Can I say one more thing?

DEAN: No.

JACK: I hope you guys realize how much you both care about each other.

DEAN: Goodnight Jack.

JACK: Night Dean.

~

A week later, they’re on a small hunt in Illinois, nothing but a vengeful spirit so a casual salt and burn will do the trick. Except that they’re at a loss trying to figure out who they need to salt and burn. Sam’s got them at the local library after having been at the police station and had spoken to the neighbors.

Dean’s on his third ‘city archive’ book and he’s already yawning. It’s about 8 pm on a Saturday they should be at a bar, eating greasy burgers and drinking beer. Not being nerds cooped up in an empty library.

Sam and Cas seem to be content though, flipping page after page while Dean can’t help and watch Cas. His brows furrowed in concentration, eyes laser-focused, he’s got a book propped up in his left hand well the right one flips. His index finger taps the spine of the book as he blinks on every third tap. He gets so lost focusing on Cas’ features that when a cellphone tone blares out Dean accidentally falls backward off his chair.

“Oh my god, Dean!” Cas’ voice booms well Sam’s cackling echoes throughout the room. Dean hesitates on getting up for a second, feeling like maybe he should fake falling asleep or something. But decides against it and grumpily gets up, sitting back in his seat.

“You good?” Sam chuckles

“I’m fine,” Dean barks back. Fixing the collar of his coat and telling himself to stop blushing. But then he realizes that Cas is staring at him. He’s got his phone to his ear and he looks petrified.

“What?” Dean says looking directly bad at Cas.

“Jack. Jack, you gotta calm down,” Cas says sweetly into the phone.

Dean now perks up, “Jack? What’s wrong with Jack?”

“Jack… Honey, are you safe? Can you tell me that at least?” Cas pleads. He’s clearly picked up the terms of endearment thing from a few of the rom-com flicks Cas convinced him to watch last week. And sure maybe Eat, Pray, Love was kinda therapeutic whatever no one has to know that.

“Okay. Okay... Jack… Yeah we’ll be right there,” Cas replies into the phone, “Yup give us a few minutes alright?”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him.

“Okay. See you soon Jack.”

Cas hangs up and lets out a long, ragged sigh.

“What’s going on with Jack?” Dean asks gruffly, feeling protective.

“I don’t know. He said he’s safe, he’s upset though... about something. I think it has to do with school. I told him we’ll go see him…” Cas frowns, the panic rolling through his eyes.

Dean feels his chest thump ten times faster, “You’re positive he wants us... both?”

Cas’ eyes are filled with pain, Dean can see so deeply into them it’s like he can feel what Cas feels, “He needs us both Dean.”

Dean feels a pang of guilt even though Cas doesn’t sound angry. More like he’s trying to convince Dean that Jack needs him too. But they’re broken out of their conversation by Sam speaking up, “You guys should go. I’m gonna head back to the motel, I gotta make some calls.”

Dean raises an eyebrow in question But Sam ignores him and catches the keys Dean tosses him. Sam shrugs his coat on as does Castiel. 

Cas has been wearing more and more human clothes, something different every day and Dean still will never get used to it.

They get outside standing next to the Impala, the area around them dark and desolate of people.

“I’ll text you when I find out what's going on,” Dean says in a hurry.

“Sound good. Send Jack my best,” Sam half-smiles before sliding into the driver's seat. The Impala roars to life as Dean looks up at Cas who’s biting his lip in nerves. When Dean’s eyes meet his, they’re full of concern.

“Hey, he’ll be alright okay?” Dean assures him.  
“I know I know I still worry though, can’t help it.”   
“Comes with being a parent I guess.”   
“Dean, are we parents?”

Dean cannot have this conversation right now. “Less talk, more zap” he urges, and then in a flash of white, they’re in a mass of trees surrounding them. The sun is still out which means they made it to California, hopefully somewhat close to campus.

“Cas where’d you land us?”

“Stanford is about five blocks that way. Wanted to make sure we didn’t appear in the middle of people.”

Dean nods, can’t argue with that.

They begin to walk as Cas calls Jack well Dean texts Sam that they landed fine.

“You sure Jack?” Cas questions “We don’t have to meet you there if you’re uncomfortable?” “Oh okay. Got it. We’ll be there soon. Hang in there,” then he pockets his phone.

“Where we meeting him?”

“His apartment. He said his roommate isn’t home so he wants us there.”

“Alright. How far is it?”

“20-minute walk”

Dean sighs, “I miss my car already.”

Cas rolls his eyes.

When they roll up to the building it's in the mix of some gentrified neighborhood. Lots of yoga studios and pastry shops. Cas hits the buzzer on the wall as the door unlocks in an instant. They climb the stairs to the third floor and Cas glances back at Dean every so often to make sure he’s still there.

“What apartment number?” Dean asks.

“1305. It’s the end unit,” Cas says pointing down the hall, starting to take off that way. But Dean puts his hand on his shoulder to stop him.“Hey, Cas wait.”

“Hmm?”

Dean stops, suddenly unsure of what he was going to say so all that comes out is, “I’m glad it's you that I’m here with.” At first, he wants to smack himself, but then the fond look that sparkles in Cas’ eyes, erase that whole feeling.

“It’s mutual,” Cas gives a timid grin.

“Guess that does make us parents huh,” Dean snorts, trying to pass it off as a joke. But he means it so desperately.

Cas doesn’t reply but Dean can’t lie when he saw the relief settle on Cas’ face. Dean’s too preoccupied thinking about Cas being a-okay co-parenting with him. That he doesn’t realize Cas is already in front of Jack’s door.

He doesn’t even have to knock before Jack is flying out and tackling Cas into a hug.

Dean walks closer slowly, feeling like he’s gonna scare the kid as if he’s a lost animal. Cas’ mumbling comforting words to Jack that Dean can’t quite hear but they seem to calm him down. As Dean inches closer he hears Cas say softly, “Let's go inside” as Jack nods and releases Cas from his hold. Only to look up and see Dean standing there smiling genuinely.

Jack tackles him into a hug, almost pushing Dean over. He’s strong, his grip tight over his shoulders. Jack’s almost the same height as him, and yet it’s like Jack is a tiny kid. Gripping onto the back of Dean’s coat as he snots all over his shoulder.

“Hey, kiddo” Dean whispers, rubbing at his back. It takes a second before Jack is pulling back, wiping at his red-rimmed eyes and mumbling, “Thank you for coming.”

Cas comes up behind Jack, putting his hand on his shoulder. He makes brief eye contact with Dean that says a lot and nothing all at once. “Let's head inside and talk.”

~

Cas sits on the couch with Jack while Dean sits across from them on a dining chair. They’re laughing now, or at least Dean is in trying to uplift Jack.

“So you failed your first big test, it’s okay. That’s part of the whole schooling experience and you’ve never really had any of that. So chalk it up as an L and learn what you did wrong then move on.”

Jack wipes at his tear stain cheeks and nods along, hearing the words well Dean just hopes he’s getting the message.

Jack sniffles, “I-I really wanted to make you both proud but I can’t get one test right? What does that say about me?”

Cas sighs, pulling him into his side, “It means you care Jack. That’s it. You make mistakes, you learn, you grow, that’s the point. You being this upset means you care, that’s all.”

Jack hiccups like he’s gonna start crying again as Dean watches Cas squeeze him tighter.

Dean clears his throat, “Hey you don’t think we fuck up all the time? Hell yeah, we do. And what do we do? We own up to it, and we learn to make it right. So, what are you gonna do?”

Jack sniffles again, “I’m gonna email my TA to meet with him and see if he can show me where I went wrong.”

“And?” Cas adds.

“And I’m gonna find a tutor group and work towards understanding the material instead of guessing.”

Cas smiles, “That's a good plan, Jack.”

Jack gives a tiny smile back.

Cas wipes at the tears on Jack’s cheeks, “Now the waterworks can take a breather?”

Jack nods sitting up to wipe his eyes, “Mhmm” he agrees.

“How bout I order us some food?” Dean suggests.

“Jack? You wanna pick?” Cas says.

“Pizza?”

Dean grins, “Easy enough” but pauses before taking his phone out, “And hey I’m not sure how much this will mean coming from me but I want you to know that I- We will never not be proud of you. You’re one of the most powerful beings in the universe but you don’t let that affect you. You rather go through the hardships of life and learn, than be greedy or a cheat. I respect you for that, Jack. But we’ll never tell you that you’re not good enough because you are. No matter what, okay?”

Jack lurches from the couch and hugs Dean quickly, “Okay.”

A few minutes after that Jack disappears to the washroom. Giving Dean and Cas a minute to talk.

“You think he’ll be alright?” Cas questions.

“Yeah, he’ll figure it out. He’s got a plan, if he sticks to it he’ll be back on track.”

“I don’t want to make this about me, but I wish I could tell him something comforting from experience but I have nothing.”

“Hey” Dean calls “Don’t do that shit— Cas... you being here, hugging him, telling him comforting things, is still better than nothing alright. Better than any parent I had. So cut it out. Hell, you’re already a shoo-in for the ‘Best Dad’ mug on fathers day.”

Castiel howls with a laugh, throwing his head back and everything, “But hey then that means you’re second best. That’s not too bad.”

Dean quirks a sad grin, “Eh, I don’t deserve to be in the race.”  
“Doesn’t matter what you think,” Cas retorts with a tight-lipped smile.

Dean hums in thought, trying to understand if that has a deeper meaning than it sounds, “At least I won’t be John Winchester” Dean snorts suddenly curious if Jack has beer in his fridge.

Castiel stands walking past Dean towards the kitchen but not without resting a hand on Dean's shoulder, “You’ve never been nor will be John Winchester, Dean.”

~

After eating pizza and talking about the hunts they’ve been on recently, Jack flicks the TV on and curls up next to Castiel on the couch. Dean gives them space taking a seat on the floor.

Spider-Man (The first one with Toby Mcguire) happened to be on and neither not-quite-human-beings had seen it so they changed it to that channel. The sun had long set, Dean texted Sam a few times to keep him posted on what was going on. Dean knows Sam will call Jack in a few days to check-in, offer any advice that he can and honestly Jack probably needs that.

The movie is about ¾ over when the front door unlocks and the hallway light flicks on.

“Jack? Hey, I’m sorry work had a mix up with a delivery. But guess who showed up! He said to give you- oh hello!” A man with shaggy black hair and honey-colored eyes comes beelining around the corner. Backpack falling off one shoulder, an apron in the other, and holding a container of what smells like cinnamon buns. Jack sits up, stretching.

“Hey… Seb um you’re home late?” Jack yawns.

Dean eyes Cas from the floor, Cas cocks his head telling him to chill out.

“Yeah, mix up with a delivery. I offered to stay cause I don’t open tomorrow,” Sebastian rambles with a nervous laugh.

“Oh that’s nice of you,” Jack adds.

Then Dean coughs, “Jack I think this is the part where you introduce us.”

“Oh right right. Um Sebastian these are my…” he pauses his eyes flicking back and forth between both men, but Dean glances at Cas who’s looking optimistic. He hates that his heart tightens, before giving Jack a nod of his blessing.

Jack lets out a shaky sigh, “These are my dads. Dean and Cas, you’ve met Cas though before.” Sebastian smiles, “Yeah briefly when you were moving in. Crazy that it’s been a month already.”

“Yeah, time does fly,” Dean chuckles well standing and sticks his hand out, “Nice to meet you, Sebastian.”

Sebastian shakes his hand firmly, “Nice to meet you too. I didn’t realize you guys were coming into town.”

“Um,” Dean hesitates before Cas speaks up, “We had this weekend off work, last-minute decision.”

Dean wants to applaud Cas for that lie.

“Oh, that’s nice. Well, don’t let me interrupt.”

“Actually— We better head to our hotel,” Dean says checking the time on the microwave. It’s quarter past 1, so 3 am back in Illinois. Sam will definitely be passed out.

Cas clears his throat and now stands collecting his coat, “Uh yeah. It’s late don’t want to keep you both up any longer.”

“Well it was nice to see you,” Sebastian says to Castiel, “and nice to meet you,” he says to Dean with a smile.

“Same to you,” Cas replies.

“Yeah ditto,” Dean replies at the same time.

Sebastian disappears into one of the two bedrooms as they start shuffling towards the door, pulling their coats and shoes back on.

“Thanks for coming guys. Really. It means a lot,” Jack says. Cas looks at him, “Hey anytime. You say the word, we’re here.”

“Yeah what he said” Dean retorts, smirking. Cas now rolls his eyes.

Jack chuckles, “You two are literally made for each other.”

This makes Dean go quiet, he can’t think about that. With Cas right here next to him, playing house with a 22-year-old who’s actually three years old but is also half-angel. Dean really needs his four hours.

“We’ll talk soon,” Dean smiles before leaning in to hug the kid. Then Cas follows suit, “Please let us know if you need anything. And tell us when you’ve contacted your TA alright?”

“Of course. Thank you again, for everything.”

Cas gives him a kind smile.

“We’ll see you soon kid,” Dean grins before turning down the hallway Cas in tow.

They say nothing as they descend the stairs, both automatically walking back to the forest they had landed in. But as they come up to the edge of a mass of trees Dean says, “You think you could mojo us to bunker for a rest? Then zap us back to Sam in a few hours?”

“Um,” Cas begins.

“If that's too heavy on your angel juice it’s fine. We can go back to Sam, I just don’t wanna wake him.”

“No no, it’s fine.”

“Cool.”

“Dean…” Cas whispers “you did good tonight.”

Dean grins at him, “you did too.”

~

Four days later they’re on a hunt in Arizona, looking for a vamp den somewhere in the middle of the desert. They come across tall red rock mountains, bushes, and cacti all in small clusters over hills of red dirt. Sam spots the car that one of the vampires had gotten into with what they assumed was their next feed.

The tires screech as Dean turns off the side of the road. Pulling over as they follow the trails of footprints, up to a heavily bushed area. In the distance, there seems to be a rotting house.

“We gotta go through there? There could be like scorpions and stuff,” Dean says quietly expressing his concerns.

“You’ve handled worse Dean,” Sam quips.

“Shut up Sam.”

Dean looks over at Cas who also looks kinda grossed out.

“Any chance you can magic something so we don’t get stung?”

“I could heal you right after?” Cas retorts.

Dean stares at him unimpressed, “Thanks Cas.”

“Hey, you asked.”

“Come on better get going if we want to save anyone,” Sam says as he begins the trek into the foliage.

Dean grimaces but wields his machete to chop off branches and cobwebs. He checks behind him every so often to see that Cas is still following. All of them are sweating like crazy in the heat, not used to it at all. Sam and Dean are both in jeans and t-shirts but have their flannels tied around their waists. While Cas is sweat soaked through his flannel and has torn the left leg of his jeans. They’re also dirty beyond hell from trying to locate the vamps in a junkyard a few miles away. But Cas wears the grit and sweat well, except Dean can’t let go of the thought of Cas having to take his shirt off. Focus Winchester.

But then Cas is hissing behind him.

Dean spins “what?!”

Cas is frozen in fear, looking up at the sky, “Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes!”

Dean looks at the ground and sees two longish snakes by Cas’ foot. He quickly moves forward using his machete to pick up the snakes, tossing them a few feet away.

“Thanks,” Cas says still trembling.

“Nice reference” Dean winks and he swears he can see Cas blush under all the grime.

Dean feels his dick twitch in his shorts, maybe this movie thing wasn’t a good idea after all.

~

After the drive home and sleeping the most of yesterday away. Dean woke up early, got groceries, did a beer run, and more gas. Did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed out the Impala, and took her for a wash. All well Cas helped Sam find some lore that Jody was asking for.

Dean offered his help but was bluntly ignored, so he decided he earned some relaxation time. Leaving Cas and Sam to their old books and ancient languages all well he disappeared to his cave.

He comfortably claims recliner with his laptop resting on his thighs and decides to look up places selling pool tables. There’s enough room along the back wall if he gets rid of the couch that it would fit. Or option B is to empty the room across the hall and make that into a game room.

Dean begins his more in-depth search by googling ‘Pinball Machines for sale near me’ gitty as he clicks link after link. He sends a few emails out asking for estimates for the table and machines. As he’s hitting send on one email about an old Galaga machine, his phone chimes.

There’s a succession of texts from Jack in the group chat he made with Dean and Cas.

JACK: HI!

JACK: sorry guys.

JACK: I know you told me to tell you when I talked to my TA but I only wanted to bring it up when I had good news.

DEAN: It’s alright kiddo. Did you figure it all out?

JACK: Yeah he paired me up with another student who went over the test with me. I’m part of her study group now.

JACK: and my prof said I could retake the test and he’d only take off 20 points after whatever I got.

DEAN: Okay and?

JACK: I got a B!

DEAN: That’s awesome! Good Job :)

CAS: Well done Jack! You showed initiative. That’s all anyone could ever ask.

JACK: Thanks to both of you. And your words of wisdom.

JACK: but I do wish that visit was in better circumstances though.

DEAN: Say the word and we’re there Jack.

CAS: What your other dad said.

Dean has to pause to stop his heart from clenching so tight. He puts his phone down for a second even though Cas and Jack are still messaging. But Dean needs a second. He and Cas never really spoke about the parent thing except for that small conversation on the way to Jack’s place. But Dean is grateful that Cas considers him to be a parent to Jack. He’ll take the normalcy win any day.

JACK: I’m pretty busy all over again but I’ll keep it in mind.

CAS: How’s the job going?

JACK: Burnt myself pretty bad yesterday. But it healed within the hour. Perks I guess of being part angel.

CAS: lol definitely a perk.

JACK: You two doing okay?

CAS: We’re doing fine. Got back from a vampire hunt day before yesterday.

DEAN: Don’t worry bout us kid. Focus on school.

JACK: I’ll always worry, regardless Dean.

JACK: but I better get back to studying.

JACK: Wait actually is Sam is near any of you? Can you get him to check his phone? I need help with formatting A word doc.

CAS: I’ll let him know.

DEAN: Congrats on your test Jack, you did good.

CAS: Text if you need anything. And make sure you eat and sleep.

JACK: Yeah yeah thanks guys *green heart emoji*

Dean sits with the blissful buzz running through his body. He genuinely loves this, the banter with Jack, and the pleasure of having Cas by his side through all of it. He’s reveling in the domesticity of it all and he likes it, maybe a little too much.

Moments later Cas comes strolling into the room with a grin on his lips. Dean turns his head to look at him.

The guy’s in a navy hoodie and black sweatpants. His hands shoved into the front pocket, with his hair still freshly damp from recently showering. Dean forces himself to look back at his screen.

“Glad Jack is doing well,” Dean says.

“Same here,” Cas sighs with relief “what are you researching?” he asks casually as he heads to the mini-fridge, pulling two beers out of the fridge.

Dean grins, “I’m researching buying pool tables.”

Cas snorts as he pulls the caps off and hands Dean a bottle before taking a seat on the other recliner “That’s much easier to research than the shit we were trying to find.”

Dean swallows hard at Cas swearing, “But did you?” he croaks.

“Yeah, we did.”

Dean tilts his bottle at him “Knew you would.”

Cas grins before sipping his beer.

This has kinda become their new normal, coming home after a hunt and spending days in their respective chairs watching movies back to back. After the whole zapping to see Jack thing they sat down here for two days straight watching all the Star Wars films (prequels included ‘cause Cas had to have seen them at least once— max) and Dean is enjoying every second of it. It’s a routine, something he’s never really had in his life.

“I told Sam that Jack needs assistance and he said he’ll call him when he gets to Jody’s. But he’s leaving now if you wanna say goodbye,” Cas says, sipping at his beer.

Dean shuts his laptop and thinks for a second, “Do you think Sam likes Jody?”   
Cas pauses, pursing his lips in thought, “... As in… romantically?”  
“Yeah. Like Jody never calls me when she has questions about monsters. It’s only to yell at me for not spending time with Sam.”

Cas snorts, “Well I mean- no offense Dean but… Maybe Sam confides in her about things? Like life and feelings and all that.”

“Yeah probably but-”

“She also is looking out for both of you. Not just Sam.”

Dean mindlessly plays with the label on the bottle well he thinks over what Cas just said.

“Have you ever called her up, just to talk?” Cas asks.

“Well- no” Dean sighs, taking a swig of his beer.

“It probably started like that for them. Only talking then things happen.”

Dean twists his nose at that observation. Things happen. Like Dean having a stupid crush on a stupid angel that happens to be sitting stupidly cute right next to him.

“Do- do you not like the idea of them together?” Cas retracts.

Shit. Shit too much thinking Winchester. “What no! I mean- I do. I do like the idea of them together. It’s good for Sam, to have someone. He deserves to be with someone that understands the life but can also pull him away from it.”

Cas nods still nursing his beer, “Yeah that's fair.”

“Plus I look at Jody like a sister already so it wouldn’t be much different if they got together.”

“Yeah,” Cas says kind of distant.

Dean doesn’t know what to make of this, the air suddenly heavy with uncomfortable silence.

Dean stands quickly “Maybe I should go say bye.”

“Yeah maybe,” Cas adds, not entirely looking at Dean.

“Do you wanna find something you wanna watch?”

“You don’t have a snarky suggestion?” Cas teases. Ah okay back to normal. Good.

“Shudda up. I’ll be back.”

Dean leaves swiftly, taking in a deep breath while making his way to the garage. When Cas goes all quiet like that regardless of conversation Dean always assumes he’s gonna leave. That he’s thinking of the best escape route to zap out of an uncomfortable situation. And yeah most of Dean’s life he’s wished he had that power but Cas does. And Dean hates that it’s the first thing he fears anytime something troublesome, awkward, or argumentative comes between them. But Dean pushes those thoughts aside as he steps into the garage to see Sam loading up a black 2011 mustang that Cas stole months ago.

“Cas said you were heading out?” Dean announces himself in the room.

Sam looks up from the trunk giving Dean a shifty smile, “Uh yeah… Some weird markings have shown up around the falls. Claire’s off doing a hunt with Kaia in Tennessee, and Alex is on a retreat in Hawaii, so I offered up my help.”

Dean crosses his arms and can’t help but grow a smug smile, “Riiiight. Cause the two of you texting non-stop for weeks isn’t the reason you’re running off the second we get home?”

Sam shifts his weight as he too now grows a daring grin, “Okay, so you building the cave was what? A ‘personal project’ and not some way to spend time with Cas without essentially asking him?”

Dean clicks his jaw and averts Sam’s smug gaze, “Shut up Sam!”

Sam snorts, returning to pack his stuff away then slamming the trunk shut, “Just promise me you guys won’t screw on every surface if one of you decides to finally make a move.”

  
“Just remember to wrap it up, Sammy. The world doesn’t need an offspring to Lucifer's perfect vessel running around.”

Sam shakes his head, “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Dean embraces Sam in a quick hug, “Tell Jody I say hi and drive safe.”

“Will do” Sam replies.

Dean turns to begin to walk out of the garage, hearing the jingle of car keys “Hey Dean?”

Dean spins looking over his shoulder, “yeah?”

Sam sighs, “For what it’s worth. You deserve to have someone too.”

Dean bites at his lip, looking down at the garage flooring before replying “Thanks for the tip.”

“See ya, Dean.”

“Bye Sammy.”

~

When Dean returned to the cave, Cas decided on wanting to watch the Back to the Future Trilogy. They stayed up till 2 am. Eating popcorn, drinking beer, and laughing. Just casual, bro things. Well, Dean definitely didn’t think of Sam’s words and decided on making a move once or fifteen different times. Nope, he definitely didn’t.

Dean shuts the TV off at 2:34 am and stretches by standing up for the first time in 2 and a half hours.

“How was that?” Dean asks.

Cas yawns, “I enjoyed it. I certainly will wanna watch them again.”

“Could put them on your laptop so you could watch them anytime?”

Cas looks intrigued “Yeah I’d like that.”

“Tomorrow,” Dean yawns “Tomorrow I’ll do it for you.”

“No rush Dean.”

They both stumble out of the cave heading towards their respective bedrooms. Dean though, heads into the bathroom instead, leaning over the sink to brush away the beer and popcorn taste from his mouth. He’s in the middle of foaming up his mouth when Cas joins him using the other sink.

He’s got a green toothbrush in its holder next to where Sam and Dean put theirs. Sam’s currently missing. Dean flicks his eyes away quickly but can’t fight the urge to look back up at Cas who’s now sporting a foamy mouth.

Cas grins around his toothbrush, looking nervous but amused. Dean can’t help in letting his grin grow.

“What?” Cas garbles around his toothbrush, well Dean spits and rinses.

“Nothing” Dean replies with a laugh.

Cas quickly spits and rinses, then looks up as Dean tosses a hand towel at him, “You look like you’ve got rabies.”

Cas wipes his mouth, “I think you watch too much Scooby-Doo.”

Dean narrows his eyes, “There’s no such thing as too much Scooby-Doo.”

Cas snorts, “It’s just a cartoon.”

Dean gasps, “Take that back!”

“No!” Cas chuckles.

“Scooby-Doo is a classic!”

“We watched like 10 episodes it was… okay.”

Dean proceeds to push him against the wall, holding Cas’ arms above his head, “Take. That. Back” Dean growls non-threatening in his face.

Cas laughs while licking his lips. Dean can’t look away from them.

“I won’t,” Cas says in conclusion.

“Then I’ll have to make you.”

Cas lets out a loud, howling laugh “How?”

Dean narrows his eyes in thought.

“That’s what I thought! You’ve got nothing. I’m unstoppable.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Dean realizes he’s flush against Cas’ body. His hand tight around Cas’ wrists, pinning him to the wall. He can see every shade of blue in Cas’ eyes, the way he’s got freckles dusted over his nose, the way his tongue darts out and licks over his chapped lips.

There’s complete silence over them. Only ragged breaths can be heard echoing between them. He can see Cas swallowing hard. He says nothing. Staring into Dean’s eyes, like he’s searching and searching and searching.

Dean can’t hold back.

He presses his lips to the chapped ones before him. It’s light and comfortable. Testing the waters briefly. He pulls back but feels Cas lean forward. They meet again, pulling and pushing with each other. It’s everything all at once.

Dean can smell the wood scent of Cas’ shampoo, the butter from the popcorn lingering on his skin, and the mint taste of his toothpaste. There’s so much happening, Dean’s heart feels like it’s gonna beat out of his chest.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s let go of Cas’ arms till he feels Cas’s hands run through his hair. Pulling him closer, enough for Cas to slip his tongue into Dean’s mouth.

That’s when Dean’s brain fries.

He pulls back gently. Putting his hand on Cas’ chest, forcing him to take a breather. Dean rests his forehead on Cas’, both of them catching their breaths.

“Dean” Cas chokes out, it’s rough and broken.

“Cas we-”

“Can’t. I know.”

Dean’s world shatters around him.

“Cas” Dean tries but it comes out in a desperate breath. Something that’s barely holding himself together.

“Dean I-”

“It’s okay. It’s okay” Dean whispers consolingly.

Cas is crying, Dean can feel the wetness against his cheek. Maybe he is too? He can’t tell.

They stay there, silent resting their foreheads against each other only breathing. Just being.

It could’ve been a minute, it could’ve been an hour, but when Cas turns his head away from Dean’s. It’s over. All of it.

Cas walks out without nothing more than a light kiss on Dean’s forehead. But Dean stays put, leaning against the cool tile wall of the bathroom. Wishing right now, that he had the power to zap out of the room.

~

Sam returns four days later.

And unfortunately, it’s not the warmest welcome.

“We’re not watching another fucking Adam Sandler movie Cas!” Dean demands, biting his piece of pizza aggressively.

“Why fucking not? We’ve been watching everything you like the other two movie nights! It’s my turn.”

Dean lets out an agitated sigh, “I thought you wanted to watch John Wayne movies. I already downloaded some!”

“Hey, guys” Sam announces from the doorway to the kitchen. But he’s ignored.

“Maybe tomorrow?!” Cas says well reaching across the table to grab another slice.

“What if we find a case, then what?”

“Then we save them for next time! I don’t want to watch another western movie, we literally watched only Clint Eastwood movies yesterday! I want to laugh!”

So after their ‘incident’ the other night Dean was positive Cas would be gone in the morning. But he was shocked when he walked into the kitchen to find Cas making a pot of coffee.

They never spoke about what happened or acknowledged that they had a full-on make-out session against the wall of the communal bathroom. But Dean noticed Cas leave extra space between them that was never there before. And sure Cas has had a problem with personal space in the past, but Dean’s gotten used to it. It was their normal and now for four days straight Cas has made an effort to keep a distance between them both. The only thing bouncing back to normal was their ability to bicker without any heat.

Dean grumpily finishes chewing on the crust of his pizza, knocking back the rest of his beer to wash it down, “John Wayne can have funny moments!”

“Really Dean?” Sam deadpans. His voice ringing out loud enough to make his presence known.

“Whoa hey when did you get back?” Dean acknowledges.

“Enough to hear you two arguing over dumb movies.”

Cas laughs, “See Dean! Even Sam thinks John Wayne is dumb!”

Dean gives Cas a glare “It’s SAM! His opinions are already screwed up as it is.”

“Go to hell Dean,” Sam replies, leaving the kitchen.

“Been there. Done that,” Dean calls from the kitchen.

Cas crosses the room and Dean flinches as if Cas were coming towards him.

“Relax. I’m getting a beer, not jumping your bones” Cas sneers heading to the fridge to the right of Dean.

Dean’s brain goes on the fritz. Are they talking about it? Is Cas pissed? Should they talk about it? Things were seemingly back to normal? Dean might still wanna pick up where they left off, but Cas? Dean’s positive he doesn’t want this. Why else would he say they can’t? Hell, it makes sense though. Cas being an angel and all that. Dean being a human and all that. How would that even work?

“Cas I-” Dean starts but is cut off.

“Why don’t you guys compromise?” Sam’s voice booms from the hallway. Cutting Dean from his thoughts.

Dean huffs with a laugh as Cas looks at the empty doorway, “With what?” he shouts.

“It's not necessarily a western but it’s action and funny” Sam’s head pokes around the corner, “Austin Powers” before taking a sip of his beer.

Dean could smack Sam.

The LAST thing he and Cas need is some movie with sexual innuendos and mature subject matter. Situations that Cas might not totally get and ask Dean to explain. Or worse, Cas understanding them completely and Dean having to live with that. Dean already knows he’s gonna spend the evening think about Cas’ tongue in his own mouth and his knee in his crotch. As if he hadn’t been doing that the previous four nights. Great.

“Is that the movies with Dr. Evil?” Cas says. Dean must look surprised based on the glare Cas gives him.

“Yeah, it is,” Sam laughs.

“How do you know about Dr. Evil?” Dean asks.

Cas squints at him, “You mention Dr. Evil once in and a while, I’m gonna google who he is.”

Dean laughs in bewilderment, “Whatever. But we’re starting with the second one cause it’s the best one. You good with that?”

Cas grins, “Did it sound like I was saying no?” then sips his beer.

Dean detests this new Cas ‘cause for as long as Dean’s known the guy he’s been this formal, stock, and brash being. Even when he was fully human he had a certain naivety around him; all due to the lack of knowledge of human behavior. But now, he’s found himself in this niche of practicing human functionalities. And on top of all that, he’s picked up different ways of expression and behaviors from all the characters he’s watched.

He’s more confident in his vocabulary, not guessing if he’s using the right term or reference. He’s developed the Winchester slang, able to dumb things down on the first try. He has a different way of speaking now entirely. Sometimes Dean doesn’t realize that it’s Cas that he’s speaking too. But with all of the good, also comes the bad. Or in Dean’s case, the frustrating.

Cas has gotten mouthy, he’s found new ways to push Dean’s buttons. Making Dean shift in his seat due to the vulgar, correct, and snarky tone’s Cas uses. It’s driving Dean mad at the sudden change.

Dean’s brought back to them arguing on the drive after raiding the vampire den in Arizona a few weeks ago. Dean calling Cas reckless and an adrenaline junkie for running ahead of Dean in the den. Well, Cas went spewing off, “Fuck you! You would’ve been a vamps dinner right now if I hadn’t followed. You never think about anyone else when you do shit like that. You’re selfish Dean Winchester! That’s one of your many awful qualities and I wish you’d learn to fucking control it cause it’s exhausting!”

Dean’s was too busy being turned on by Cas’ words to really understand them. Ended up parking the Impala at the motel and immediately walking across the street to a bar. He drank himself silly before realizing that Cas was right.

The next morning he apologized to Cas before Sam woke, then proceeded to go shower only to jerk off to the memory of Cas saying the word ‘fuck’.

Cas is quickly climbing the ladder of being on a different level of Dean’s behavior. Making Cas become more of Dean’s type every time he opens his fucking mouth. It’s tearing Dean apart since he’s convinced himself that nothing will come of his feelings. And Dean wishes he could blame it on his sexuality. ‘Cause that would make it so much easier on why they couldn’t be together. But Dean’s recognized his sexuality mentally and physically long ago.

He’s done things with guys. He’s not afraid of being with guys. He wants it, he craves it and because he loves Cas, he wants this all with him. But as much as Dean is confident in his skin, how does an angel view bisexuality? Dean certainly doesn’t know. Plus the dude straight up said they can’t when he had his tongue in Dean’s mouth two seconds prior. How is that supposed to give him any hope?

Dean feels so lost about how Cas is processing any of this. If they can’t because Dean is a male or because Dean is a human or worse because Cas just doesn’t want him. Dean’s not sure if he’ll ever know. 'Cause Cas is clearly okay with sex, he had sex with a reaper once. But that was so long ago, they haven't even talked about that since it happened. Dean’s not even sure what he’s thinking even more. His thoughts constantly turning to contradict the next.

“What do they mean by shag?” Cas breaks Dean out of his thoughts. Realizing he was on autopilot as he set up the movie that's already a few minutes in.

"What-?" Dean questions, unsure he heard correctly the first time.  
"What does shag mean?"  
He's sure glad the room is pretty dark as his cheeks flare-up, “Sex. They mean have sex.”

“Oh, that’s a weird term.”  
“It’s British.”  
“They don’t say fuck in Europe?”  
Dean chokes on his beer.  
“Dean?”

“Gimme a sec!” Dean sits up to wipe off the beer he spilled on himself. Jesus fuck he wasn’t expecting any of that to come out of Cas’ mouth. He knows Cas’ eyes are on him but Dean doesn’t trust himself right now, knowing if he looks over he’ll do something stupid.

So instead he looks back up at the Tv, realizing they aren’t even a whole 10 minutes into the movie. Awesome.

Dean clears his throat, “uh, no they say fuck over there too.” Cas seems to hum but is content with the answer.

If Dean could barely concentrate before this conversation, now he’s not even watching anymore. He keeps his eyes on the screen but his brain is screaming every horny thought he’s ever had about Cas.

“Do I make you horny baby?” Austin Powers says on the TV and Cas laughs. A genuine, gut laugh that makes Dean squirm in his chair but chuckle along with Cas.

“That’s some pick-up line,” Cas hiccups letting his laughter settle.

“I think if you were to try it on literally anyone. It probably wouldn’t work.”

“Why’s that?”

Dean finishes off the last of the beer in the bottle, “If you walked up to me and said that I’d probably throw a beer in your face.”

Cas laughs “You sure about that?”

Dean narrows his eyes “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well I know you’d understand the reference and I’ve had my knee on your hard dick. Would it not be fair to say it to you?”

Dean literally cannot think properly, “That’s- that’s not- but-”

Cas sips at his beer, is that his fourth or fifth? Dean thinks. Cas clears his throat “I think this would be the one circumstance I could use it... If I wanted.”

“That’s mighty assumptive,” Dean stands, heading to the mini-fridge. Cas finishes his beer, “Pass me one?” he asks. “Yeah sure.”

When Dean has his back turned to Cas he can hear Cas snicker and mutter, “Do I make you horny baby?” in a perfect English accent, then continues to laugh to himself.

Yes. He wants to shout, wants to collide into Cas make him moan, make him come undone, make him the closest Dean can get him to become human. Instead, he walks over to Cas’ outstretched hand and puts a beer into it.

Cas looks up at him, “Thanks” he grins, then proceeds to wink. And for a split second Dean thinks, this is it. Finally, it’s all gonna happen. That Cas is going to let this happen for both of them because Dean’s so ready. He’s semi-hard in his jeans, his brain is screaming of wanting to touch Cas in any way possible, to feel the guy on top of him, to kiss him senseless literally everything that’s been going through his mind for years.

But Dean sits back in his recliner uncapping his beer and taking a large swig. Cas goes back to watching. The tension in the room dissipates. Nothing happens.

They continue watching when Cas snorts. Like a noise between a laugh and a snore.

“His mojo is used for being good in bed? Man, all my mojo is good for is moving shit” Cas laughs.

Dean scoffs, “Dude you’ve brought back how many people from the dead? Healed how many people? That’s better than being good in the sack.”

“Point taken, but I have had point zero one sex experience, my mojo isn’t gonna help… Not that I’m gonna need it.” He whispers the last part as if Dean wasn’t supposed to hear it.

But he does, loud and clear. And Dean wants to say something encouraging but nothing comes to mind that isn’t ‘I would do you and I don’t care how good or bad it is.’ As he mentally slaps himself, he would never ever pressure Cas into something the guy didn’t want. None of this is fair to Cas, but the guy isn’t making it any easier for Dean either.

Cas continues to laugh at the movie, snorts, and hiccups escape his mouth. Dean daringly turns his head to look at Cas, beer in hand wearing jeans and a t-shirt, hair not brushed, a little scruff on his cheeks, he even looks tired?

“Cas you doing okay?” Dean says putting his focus on being suddenly concerned.

Cas hums then takes a sip of his beer “Honestly. I haven’t felt anything like I do right now, but it’s good. I don’t feel sick or sad. I feel happy? Something I’ve rarely felt before.”

“You swear?”

Cas snaps his head from the TV to look at Dean, “Why do you say it like that?”

Dean hums, unsure if he should say anything but the words come out anyway “You’re drinking light beer and I think you’re kinda drunk off it?”

Cas pauses stumped, “Huh” he whispers.

Dean stays quiet. Not wanting to startle Cas in case something bad has happened and Cas is having a panic attack. But then all of a sudden there’s the sound of wind in the room and Dean is suddenly on the couch instead of the recliners.

He frantically looks around, the recliners are behind them, Cas is next to him on the couch, Austin Powers is still playing on the TV. Everything is normal except that he can feel Cas’s body pressed up against his.

“Whoa, what the-”

“My mojo still works,” Cas says out loud “But I’m not sure how I’m drunk off of such little beer and-” he runs a hand over his face, “and the facial hair.”

His brows are knitted together, super confused but doesn’t look like he’s in panic mode yet.

“If you still have your powers then you’re not human right?” Dean asks carefully.

“Yeah. yeah. I’m still an angel, I can still tune into Angel radio and your thou-”

Cas’s face falls.

Dean freezes.

They both stare at each other.

“CAS WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STAYING OUT OF MY H-”

But then Cas is flushed against him, pinning Dean to the side of the couch. Dean can feel Cas’s beer breath on him. Their eyes staring into each other's but Cas’ looks afraid, scared even.

“Cas” Dean says in a calming whisper. Ready to explain himself till he’s blue in the face.

But then in a quick whoosh. Cas is gone.

~

A whole 24 hours after their moment, Sam asks Dean where Cas is. Dean hesitates thinking of coming up with some dumb lie but he waits too long and Sam frowns.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sams offers.

Dean opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn’t even know what he’d say. His mind so focused on the fact that he ruined everything.

“I dunno Sammy. It was weird. He was drunk off four beers, he was sporting some pretty thick facial hair and he was yawning. It was like he was human but he… he could still use his powers no problem” Dean half lies.

Sam frowns at him, knowing that Dean is withholding information but he moves on, “Maybe he’s figuring that out. He might be up in Heaven getting checked over?”

“Like those douchebags will be of any help to him” Dean grunts.

“Dean,” Sam says carefully, “Give it time. He’ll be back.”

  
~

It’s day three of no Cas.

Dean’s been going out of his mind. He’s giving Cas space which means not texting or calling him. While Sam’s been trying to find a case for them to go on but it’s either been taken care of by someone else or doesn’t seem worth checking into. He’s sat on the edge of his bed, his phone in his hand as he tries to focus on something. Literally, anything else that will take his mind off Cas, even for a minute.

A couple of deep breaths later he’s pressing call on his phone.

“Dean! Hey!” Jack’s cheerful voice echoes.

Dean half-smiles to himself, “Hey… hey kiddo. How’s school going?”

“It’s good. Got midterms next week so more studying of course. But I got an A on my cultural anthropology essay so that’s something.”

“Hey! that’s awesome! Good job man.”

“Thanks. How’s hunting going? Anything interesting?”

“Uh haven’t been on much lately. I think Sam is trying to find something right now.”

“Oh? Then what have you guys been doing?”

Well, I made out with your dad, and then he said we couldn’t, whatever that means. But he’s my best friend and I wouldn’t want to lose him over this, so of course, I didn’t make it a big deal. Except then your dad got drunk he started flirting with me and then he started reading my mind, had a panic attack and left and now it's been three days and I have no idea where he is and I’m worried stupid.

“Dean?” Jack says sounding concerned.

“Uh sorry. Nothing much, chores around the bunker, watching movies. I think Sam and Jody are dating.”

“What really?”

Dean chuckles, “Yeah we weren’t even home for a full 24 hours and he was packing up to go see her.”

“Well, I’m happy to have an aunt now!”

Dean can’t help but chuckle.

“Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Cas around? I keep texting him, I got some questions about greek mythology for a paper and he hasn’t responded. Is his phone dead again?”

A different type of worry rises in Dean’s chest. Cas hasn’t even been talking to Jack? That’s not right.

“Dean? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Jack. Cas isn’t here. Hasn’t been for a few days.”

“What?! Why? What happened?”

Dean pauses “I’m not too sure but I think he’s taking some personal time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He wasn’t himself alright Jack. Just drop it, he’ll be back soon.”

“Did you guys fight?”

“No. No... Misunderstanding sorta thing. ”

There’s silence on Jack's end.

“Jack please, don’t worry about it. I wanted to check in with you that’s all.”

“You two are better together though,” Jack says quietly.

“I know Jack. I know. If I hear anything you’re my first call okay?”

“... I haven’t called him in over a week… I got busy with school and work...”

“Hey hey hey Jack. None of this is your fault. I’m sorry he isn’t responding to you, you don’t deserve that. I- don’t know what’s going on but I’ll figure it out.”

Jack is silent on the other end. The only sign that he hasn’t hung up is that there's no dial tone ringing out.

“Both of you are so fucking stubborn you know that?”   
“Excuse me?”  
“Maybe if you two could take your heads out of your asses and communicate, then things might be different.”  
“Jack I’m warning you. This is between me and Cas. That’s it.”

“Aren’t I involved though? You’re someone I trust, that I can go to when I have a stupid question, or am scared or need to know how to change a lightbulb or something. The same goes for Cas. You both joke about the Dad thing but I feel it. I feel us being a family and we can’t get all the way there until you two figure it out.”

Dean’s heart clenches “I. Jack. I’m sorry okay. I do, I do think of you like my own. But the thing between me and Cas, it’s something we’ve been ignoring for far too long and it’s caught up with us now. And well, Cas bolted alright. I’m trying okay? I’ll make it right.”

“He bolted?”

Dean loathes this, spelling out his trouble and feelings. Especially to someone like Jack, who Dean doesn’t need to be dumping all of this on.

“We may have had a moment and he said he couldn’t do this. Us. He stuck around for a bit after that, we ignored what had happened. He was acting a little strange… I think he was drunk. But he took off. Like he always does.”

“So you’re saying he was human?”

“I don’t think so. He zapped out of there quick.”

There’s a ‘huh’ sound from Jack’s end then, “I’m sorry Dean.”  
“Not you’re fault kiddo.”

“He loves you though. Like you love him. You know that right?”   
“Jack. Don’t.”

Jack lets out a frustrated sigh.

“I feel the same way kid. Just- I’m giving this time. You should too. I didn’t call to lay this all on you.”

“No no thank you for telling me. I know it’s not easy for you.”   
“You should know what’s going on, I’ll be fine.”

Jack sighs, “If I hear from him, I’ll let you know. So you at least know he’s safe.” “Thanks, Jack. You should get back to studying.” “Right, yeah.”

“We’ll figure it out. Me and Cas. Don’t stress okay?”

“Yeah” Jack replies sounded defeated. The same way Dean does. “We’ll talk soon alright? Go study then maybe go for a walk okay?” “Yeah” he sighs again “Sounds good.”   
“Right on. Talk to you later Jack.”

“Bye Dad.”

The line goes dead and Dean lets a few tears fall.

~

On the fifth day of zero Cas, Dean wakes up at 10:30 and finds Sam in the kitchen typing away on his laptop.

“Morning” Sam greets him as Dean mumbles something and heads to the coffee pot. “I think I found a case? You up for a road trip?” Dean sips at his mug, “Always.”

Sam nods with a shy grin.

Dean’s been in a mood and Sam gets that. So Dean can understand that he’s trying, hunting is something that gets Dean back to being Dean, so finding a case this quickly is Sam’s way of offering help.

Sam stands, holding his closed laptop under his arm, “I’m gonna shower and pack. When do you wanna leave?”

“Hourish?”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, Sammy?”

Sam stops from exiting the kitchen, “Yeah?”

“If- If Cas were to make a drop in to visit you, you’d tell me right?”

Sam’s features soften, and Dean hates the look of pity but fuck he had to ask.

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

Dean goes back to sipping at his coffee and staring at the concrete walls of the bunker’s kitchen when his phone buzzes next to him.

Jack’s caller ID appearing on the screen.

“Hey, kiddo” Dean answers.

“I heard from Cas.”

Dean almost drops his mug “What?!”

“He called me. Said he was sorry for not getting in touch sooner. We talked as if I knew nothing but he knew that I did. It was… normal but I tried Dean- I tried to keep my mouth shut.”

“Jack. Jack, I told you not too.”

Jack lets out an aggravated sigh “I’m sorry Dean! I asked him why he left and he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Then I asked if he was human and he kept saying he has a handle on it. Whatever ‘it’ is. And that he’ll come home soon.”

Dean runs a hand over his face “did he say if he was safe or if he’s still… y’ know?”

“Not in so many words but I believe he’s safe for now.”

Dean isn’t convinced but Jack doesn’t sound overly panicked “So what else did he say?”

“It wasn’t a long conversation but he asked me about school. He had the nerve to ask me about you. I told him he doesn’t get to ask me that when he up and leaves.”

Dean squeezes his eyes in pain “Jack I-”

“I know what you told me! But when you sound heartbroken on the phone because he left I can’t let that go.”

Dean doesn’t know how to reply to that. Heartbroken? He really needs to keep his emotions in check.

“We argued for a bit before he said that this life wasn’t fair, but that he promised he was going to make it right. But then he-” Jack chokes on the last word.

“He then what?”

“He made me promise I’d take care of you.”

Dean falls quiet.

“I told him that I’d always look out for the both of you and he seemed to take that at face value. I told him he had to promise me that he’d come home and explain everything. He said he will, he promised. We hung up shortly after that. I’m sorry Dean but I… I’m not sure how I feel about all this.”

Dean feels a wave of anger pulse through him, how is it fair for Cas to tell Jack that? To make the kid take care of Dean. That’s supposed to be Dean’s job- their job. They owed that to Kelly.

“Hey hey. Don’t stress about it and most of all, don’t worry about me alright. I’m here to look out for you okay?”

“It’s fine Dean. We can look out for each other.”

“I’m glad you heard from him.”

“But Dean I don’t think he’s in Heaven. Sounded like he was in a busy city like New York or maybe London.”

“Okay so then maybe he is doing some kind of Angel rejuvenation retreat.”   
“Should I track him?”

“No. No. He went away for a reason. Sometimes people do that. And you gotta give them the benefit of the doubt to keep yourself sane.”

Jack goes quiet, clearly thinking but Dean speaks up again “Jack don’t beat yourself up about it. You got to talk to him, that’s something alright? Chalk it up as him doing his parental duties and don’t try to read into it too much.”

“But I can’t help in-”

“Jack. I’ve known Cas for much longer than you and sometimes he just does this. Ups and leaves, thinking it's gonna solve everything. I don’t know why he constantly thinks that, but the one thing I do know... it’s that he always comes back. Regardless” Dean says trying to convince Jack and himself of this.

“Okay okay fine.”

“Good. And thank you for letting me know.”

“Yeah of course,” Jack says sounding distracted.

“But um me and Sam are about to head out on a hunt we’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“Yeah, I gotta get back to work.”

“Yeah” Dean sighs “and hey you know I’m always a call away if you need anything right? I’m here for you.”

“Same to you.”

Dean chuckles “Alright go get back to work. Only focus on work.”

“Will try too.”

“Talk soon Jack.”

“Bye Dad.”

~

They’re about three hours outside of Lebanon, coming back from a hunt in Montana. It’s also day eight without any sign of Cas. Not that Dean’s keeping track.

But Dean ultimately does feel a little better, and the permanent worry line in Sam’s face has relieved itself a bit. Plus they killed the snakelike-humanoid that was terrorizing the town, so it’s an overall win of a road trip.

Dean’s the most content when he’s driving. An ACDC album on low, humming along well Sam’s texting intently.

“Is that Jody?” Dean questions trying to get a look at Sam’s screen.

“Maybe. Why do you wanna know?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious that’s all.”

Sam gives him an unimpressed look.

“What it’s sweet that you’ve finally found someone to be nerdy with.”

Sam raises an eyebrow “You want me to tell Jody you think we’re nerdy?”

“Um. Not saying that I’m afraid of her but please don’t?”

Sam snorts knowing he won this conversation and goes back to texting.

There’s comfortable silence between them for a couple of miles till Sam puts his phone down and clears his throat “You ever gonna tell me what happened with Cas?”

Dean knew this was coming sooner or later, that Sam would pry the information out of him so he could figure out a way to help. But Dean’s so tired of overthinking what went down might as well let someone else draw conclusions.

“I kissed Cas,” he says sharply. Like the words burnt him to say.

Sam stays quiet for a second, “Okay and?”

Dean sucks in a large breath of air, “I kiss him, he kissed me back. He said we couldn’t and that was that. We ignored it.”

“Okay did that happen the same night he left or?”

“The day you left is when I kissed him. Then the drunk thing happened the day you came home. When he was panicking about how he was drunk and being tired. He was checking to see if he could use his powers and he read my thoughts. I don’t know what he saw exactly. But he’s been gone since.”

Sam’s silent, fiddling with a loose string on his jeans, “I’m sorry man.”

Dean clicks his jaw, “It’s whatever. He talked to Jack apparently. Jack gave him a piece of his mind which I told him not to but still. It’s whatever. We’ll deal with it when Cas ever decides to show his face again.”

“He will Dean. You know that.”

Dean nods, still not believing that “Yeah sure.”

“Dean why would he kiss you and still stick around. But he saw into your head and he’s gone?”

“Probably saw too much alright. Freaked him out.”

“I think you’re not giving him the benefit of the doubt. It’s Cas, Dean. He wouldn’t take off unless he had a real reason.”

“Yeah the real reason is that he saw me wanting to jump his bones” and telling him I love him “and it scared him. Now can we drop this?”

“Sure whatever. But he’ll come back Dean, he always does. For you.”

Dean focuses on the road and pays no more attention to Sam and his ridiculous conclusions. He taps along to the song playing from the speakers, trying to numb his thoughts from going a million miles a minute. Otherwise, he’ll end right back up in that shit of a mood he was in three days ago.

Suddenly though, his phone starts ringing from his pocket. He pulls it out, looking briefly at the caller ID.

Jack.

“Sam, can you answer that?” Dean says well shucking his phone into Sam’s lap.

“Hey Jack, Dean’s driving what’s-” Sam pauses and Dean shoots him a look.

“Okay okay calm down. What happened?”

“Sam what’s going on?” Dean barks but Sam gestures for him to quiet.

“Wait, you think it was an Angel?”

“ANGEL?!” Dean shouts gruffly, quickly pulling over onto the side of the road with a screech.

“Give me the phone Sam,” Dean says with his hand out.

“Hang on, here’s Dean.”

“Hey kiddo what’s going on?”

  
Jack sniffles, “I-I don’t know. I was walking back from campus when it felt like this guy was following me. So I took a different route home to try to shake him. He-he didn’t though. He kept following me. He ended up cornering me in an alley. He took an angel blade out and I froze. He said that they needed me. But I was so scared I panicked, ended up smiting him. Then I ran home.”

Dean hates that he wants to ask about Cas. If the Angel said anything about holding the guy hostage or something, but instead he focuses’ on Jack “Are you safe right now?”

“I think so? I’m at home.”

“Did you ward your apartment?”

“Yeah, Cas did when I moved in.”

Dean lets out a sigh of relief, “Okay that’s good. Um, you know I’d be there in a heartbeat if I could buddy but I-”

“Can I come to you?”

“huh?”

“Can I come stay at the bunker for the weekend? I’ll tell everyone there’s a family emergency in San Fran. They’ll buy it and I’ll zap myself there?”

Dean smiles softly to himself, “Of course- of course, you can come stay. Bring anything you need, school work included. We’re about two hours from the bunker, we’ll pick up pizza on our way. You’re welcome to head there now if you don’t feel safe.”

Jack finally sounds like he’s calmed down, “Yeah I’ll pack my stuff up. I’ll call Seb and work and I’ll be there when you guys get home.”

“Sounds good kiddo. We’ll see you shortly.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Dean shoves his phone back in his pocket and turns baby back onto the highway.

“He okay?” Sam asks.

“Yeah he’ll be fine I think. But an Angel? Going after him… now? Trying to take him? They said they were done with him after he made more. Cas got them to sign a document and everything.”

Sam shrugs, “It’s strange that’s for sure.”

“I don’t like it one bit. But he’s coming home for the weekend, we’ll talk to him.”

Sam doesn’t say anything else, but Dean can tell he’s thinking of something.

“Say it, Sammy.”

“What?”

“I know you’re thinking something. I want you to say it.”

Sam waivers his head back and forth, “Nothing… it’s just- it’s nice that you care about Jack like he’s your own blood.”

  
“Hey, something we’ve both learned in this line of work is that family doesn’t end in blood. And Jack is… something special. He’s a kid man, and with his other dad MIA I’m glad he called.”

“His other dad?” Sam snorts.

“Shut it Sam.”

“It’s sweet, that’s all.”

“Yeah yeah. Whatever.”

~

They pull into the garage 2 hours after talking with Jack. But the kid did text when he figured out his plans and then when he got to the bunker.

“Go. I got the pizza” Sam tells Dean.

So he goes, storming into the bunker with a slight panic to his step.

“Jack?” He calls out, no reply.

The bunker is the safest place for him with it being heavily warded against everything. Dean shouldn’t be so frantic but he can’t help it.

“Jack?!” he shouts again as he checks the library and the war room, then the kitchen, the bathroom, the cave, his room, Sam’s room, then finally he finds Jack curled up in Cas’ room. Tucked into a ball on top of Cas’ green comforter, his arms hugging the pillow there.

Dean is careful in walking into the room, not wanting to wake and spook the kid. But it’s such a sad sight, Dean’s heart feels like it's shattering with every step he takes, slowly taking a seat on the edge of the bed and putting a hand on Jack’s back.

Dean fights back tears for what feels like the 100th time in the last week. “Where the hell are you man?” Dean mumbles gruffly, looking around like Cas would suddenly appear.

“Dean?” a soft voice says.

Dean jumps, but it’s just Jack waking up.

“Hey, hey” Dean whispers, smiling.

Jack sits up well rubbing his eyes before tackling Dean into a hug. Dean doesn’t realize that Jack is crying till moments later, but he says nothing only continues to rub comforting circles onto Jack’s back.

They stay there for a while, Jack latched onto Dean while Dean comforts him. Only the hum of the vents can be heard around them.

“Why’d he leave us” Jack mumbles out between sniffles.

Dean shakes his head, how the fuck is he supposed to answer that. “Sometimes leaving is the best thing Cas can do for everyone.”

Jack hums water still gathering in his eyes, “Sometimes I wish he would ask for help.”

  
“Me too” Dean nods, even though he has no clue how he could.

Jack sniffles again, “He’s not returning my texts or my calls anymore. I’m scared to use my powers in case I found out something I don’t want too.”

“Hey hey, don’t think like that. He’s discovering himself probably. Or whatever. He just needs space.”

Jack squeezes Dean tighter, “Thank you for letting me stay.”

“Anytime Jack” Dean clears his throat, “I think Sam was kinda excited that you were coming for a visit. You know he’s gonna talk your head off about school.”

“Shit I have to hand in an assignment online. What time is it?” “Just after 10 pm.”

“I’ve got till midnight California time.”

“Then let's go eat pizza and get you hooked up to the wifi?”

Jack just nods.

~

Jack submits his assignment well Sam hands out plates and beers (much to Dean’s disapproval). “Dean he’s 22, he can have a beer with dinner.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong Sammy. Jack’s like 3 years old.”

Sam scoffs, “He passes as 22 and hey you had your first beer at like 9.” “Yeah! And there’s so much wrong with that.” Then Jack cut in, “My ID says I’m 22 so?”

Dean rolls his eyes at both of them, “One. That’s it.” Thanks to Sam, Jack ends up having two.  
But Dean’s on his fourth as Sam continues to ask Jack his millionth question about school.

“Sammy I’m sure Jack was delighted to come home for a chill weekend and you pester him about school nonstop” Dean chides.

Sam glares at him, “I’m interested that’s all.”

“It’s fine. I enjoy school so I don’t mind talking about it” Jack says as he yawns. “See! Ya put him to sleep Sammy!”

Jack shakes his head “No no, it’s fine. Lots of late nights. y’ know assignments, essays, powerpoints, studying. It catches up to you fast.”

“Yeah, it does” Sam mumbles “But you’re doing good Jack and I’m glad it’s something you enjoy.”

  
“Mhmm” Jack nods with another yawn.

“You wanna stay in Cas’ room kiddo?” Dean asks softly.

“I’d like that.”

But then Sam clears his throat, “Hey Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened with the Angel?”

Dean scoffs “Not now Sam. The kid’s exhausted.”

Jack waves him off, “It’s fine Dean” then takes a deep breath, “When he cornered me into the alley he said he had a job for me, that I was the only one.”

Dean looks at Sam, both of them supporting concerned faces.

“Do you know what kinda job?” Sam asks carefully.

“No clue. Can’t be good though with those jerks.”

“That’s my boy” Dean snorts while eyeing Sam with a ‘this conversation can wait’ look.

“Right. Well, hopefully, they back off” Sam adds.

“Hopefully” Jack agrees mid-yawn.

“Come on, I’ll grab you more blankets,” Dean says as he finishes off his beer and stands up stretching.

Jack stands too, stepping out of his chair and pushing it back against the war room table, “Night Sam.”

“Night Jack.”

Dean waits well Jack tosses his garbage away before following Dean down the hallway.

“You got a toothbrush?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, I brought my things they’re in my backpack.”

“Okay. you know where the bathroom is, and you know where my room is right?” Jack nods.

“If you need anything. You ask alright?”

Jack nods again, falling asleep on his feet.

“Go get washed up before you pass out.”

Jack grabs his backpack off the floor and digs out a pair of star wars PJs and a toothbrush. “I’ll get you some more blankets. It can get cold in these rooms.”

  
“Thanks, Dad.”

Dean doesn’t fixate too much on the word anymore and immediately goes to digging through the small closet in Cas’ room. He tries to pay no attention to the trenchcoat hanging there, only feeling for the blankets as he pulls them off the top shelf, turning to put them onto the bed.

But then he stops.

Carefully, Dean leans forward-looking at the small yellow post it note sitting on the bed. He gently picks it up, staring at the black, bold writing scribbled onto it.

Jack comes back into the room, changed, and ready for bed when he stops in the doorway, “What?”

Dean turns to him and holds out the note.

I’m sorry. Miss you both. - Dad

Jack picks out of Dean’s hold and stares at it.

“Did- did you see him!” Jack asks sounding hopeful.

“No, it was on the bed.”

Jack goes silent.

“Don’t overthink it, Jack.”

Jack sighs “At least we know he’s still an Angel” then carefully puts the note on the bedside table and starts pulling out the covers. Getting under and comfortable.

“Good?” Dean asks standing off to the side.

“Good” Jack gives him a tired smile.

“Good. See you in the morning, Jack.”

Dean’s about to hit the light but then.

“Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s alright that I call you Dad sometimes right?”

Dean gives him a positive smile, “Of course kiddo.”

Jack smiles blissfully, “Wanted to make sure.”

“Night Jack.”

“Night Dad.”

~

~ 

Jack keeps the post-it note on his nightstand, and Dean hates it. It makes him so angry that Cas zapped in to leave that tiny message of hope, then expected either of them to be okay after. They miss him too dammit. 

Dean worries constantly if he’s safe. If he’s pissed about what happened. If he’s still figuring out himself. And if he’ll ever come home. Cas had the balls to drop in and leave a message but didn’t have the heart to add any of what mattered. Therefore Dean is angry, he’s so brutally angry at Cas for putting this burden on him— on both of them. 

Then he second-guesses himself, should he be looking for the guy? He mustn’t be in trouble if he’s leaving notes around— if it is even him. Dean always has the urge to ask Jack to use his powers, but is that the right thing to do? Dean honestly doesn’t know anymore. 

But continues to play the role of the positive parent, showing Jack that he has no reason to fear Cas’s disappearance, to fear the Angels, to fear Dean. He only needs to focus on school, and be a normal 22-year-old. Not worry if one parent is out there dying, or that his other is gonna combust from internalizing his emotions. 

Jack doesn’t deserve that. 

So Dean makes the weekend filled with greasy take-out, teaching Jack how to drive the Impala, watching the whole first season of The Mandalorian, and Dean not bringing up Cas once. This weekend is for them, that's it. 

Sam continues to ask Jack about school, but also about the whole Angel threatening him thing. Trying to piece together why they would suddenly want him after all this time. Dean tells him to lay off of it, but Sam seems concerned. He ends up building Jack a hex bag to hide him from Heaven’s radar. Which Jack takes graciously with a quick hug of thanks. 

Jack went back that Monday morning to campus to continue studying for his midterms. Well, Dean convinced Sam that they should stay put in the bunker till they know Jack is safe. Dean texted Jack daily asking how he was doing, while Jack informed him repeatedly that he seems to be hidden. But Dean didn’t buy it, making Sammy hang tough for one more day till Jack ended up calling him and telling Dean he should go on a case and stop being on his. 

So that’s how they end up dealing with a Rugaru in Virginia and then take a drive north to New York to deal with what seemed to be demonic possessions. 

But when they’re in a small town on the New York - Pennsylvania border, things seemed to be much odder. 

Sheriff claiming a spike in domestic abuse casualties. But for a small town where everyone knows each other, all these casualties are very out of character. Some are respected married couples, others are new flings that have a chance at success, and even one case of teenagers celebrating a first anniversary. All where one partner shows up dead at the hands of the other partner. 

It took some research to whom the siren could be posing as, but easily enough they found the common link. A purchase was made by each of the vics at the new coffee shop on main street. The owner is a woman in her early 30’s with no significant other, and well according to the townsfolk, is eager to rekindle anyone’s love life with her special coffee and tea. 

It's almost laughable at how easy it was to pinpoint her. 

At a quarter after 9 she locks up shop and gets into her Prius and starts driving, Dean spins the impala out of the shadows with a bronze dagger dipped in her most recent victim's blood in the trunk. 

At the 30 minute mark of driving, they find they’re out in the farm fields of New York state. She finally pulls over to an abandoned gas station and enters the decaying building. The windows cracked, weeds growing up the exterior walls as if no one has touched the place in 50 years. 

Dean parks on the other side of the highway. Both he and Sam look out the window at the building for any sign of life. 

“You think she’s alone?” Sam asks. 

“Better be. But we’ve handled worse Sammy.” 

“True. But remember Dean, if she gets to you-.” 

Dean nods, “Yeah yeah, same to you Sammy.” 

They gear up, Dean holding onto the bronze dagger in his jacket pocket. Their holding large machete’s in their hands along with flashlights. But guns are tucked into their belts as a precaution. 

Dean instructs silently for Sam to go around back. While Dean inspects the front, violently kicking in the door that she had entered into. He waits, then ducks into the empty, dusty gas station. 

“Where are you, you bitch” He mutters under his breath. 

When he steps further into the rotting building, a sprinkler system starts pouring water from the ceiling. He spits out the water as it keeps coming, like a torrential downpour indoors. He opens his eyes but barely can before water is seeping into them, blurring his vision completely. 

He’s blindly walking into the room, wiping his face of water but it’s no use as the place is one giant waterpark. “The fuck are you!” Dean shouts. 

The water stops. 

“Dean?” 

That voice. Dean hasn’t heard it in two weeks. 

“Cas” he chokes out. He whips around, shining the light in every corner but there’s nothing except wet walls. 

“Cas- I can’t see you!” he barks out. 

“Dean. I’m here!” 

Dean whimpers, it’s so painfully Cas’s voice but they’re hunting a freaking siren he can’t fall victim to it. 

“I know it’s not you Cas!” He shouts harshly, the words burning his tongue. 

There’s a sound like it’s Cas’ crying, Dean perks up following it. 

“I’m sorry Dean! I’m sorry for leaving you and Jack! It wasn’t fair, you have every right to be angry!” 

“Cas?” Dean tries. He wants to have hope that Cas came, he came to rescue them, to come home with him. It’s like a bad prank but god Dean would take anything for Cas to come home right now. 

“Dean it’s me! I’m so sorry.” 

When Dean tiptoes around the corner to what he assumes was once a storage room for the gas station, that’s when he sees him. He lets out a low gasp, his hands shaking from nerves and the coldness of his soaked clothes. 

But Cas is standing there in his dark wash jeans and comfy looking dark green sweater. His hair styled up, his blue eyes glowing, his smile bright as ever. Dean lowers his machete, staring across the room at the love of his life standing there. 

“Cas?” 

“Dean” it’s soft, like an apology. 

Dean shivers, his teeth chattering as he feels water on him again but it’s only his tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“I missed you so much Cas.” 

“I missed you more Dean.” 

Dean gasps, this isn’t real. He knows it deep down he knows it's the siren playing with him but he wants to live in this bubble. 

Cas is walking closer to him and Dean’s heart clenches as he continues to cry. The man beautiful as ever, stalking towards him like a man on a mission. Dean feels frozen watching Cas come inches from his face. 

“It’s not you” Dean chokes out. 

Cas cups his cheeks with his hands, “You found me, Dean. That’s all that matters.” 

Dean raises his hand to brush at Cas’s knuckles, “Cas- I’m so sorry.” 

“Ssh. It’s okay. It’s not your fault, it’s never been your fault.” 

Dean can’t control the tears leaking from his eyes, but Cas wipes them away, “I’m here. No need for tears.” 

Dean gives a sad smile, “I hope I didn’t mess this up between us… You’re my best friend, I can’t lose you.” 

“Never. You never lost me. I needed time away. But you found me. I’m here for you. Only you.” 

“DEAN!?” Sam’s voice booms out. But Dean doesn’t move, too focused on staring into Cas’s tender eyes. 

“Dean, I never meant to leave. I hate that I do that to you every time things get hard.” 

“It’s okay. Hey, you’re here now that’s all I need.” 

“DEAN THAT'S NOT CAS!” Sam shouts, but it sounds distant. Dean ignores him. 

“Cas I-I” 

“I love you too, Dean” Cas finishes for him. 

Dean sniffles hard, trying to recollect himself, “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to tell me that.” 

“DEAN STOP!” Sam. 

“I’ll tell you every day from now on.” 

“No you won’t” Dean replies shortly. 

“What? Dean- Of course I will. Baby, I love you-” 

Dean whimpers again as he reaches into his coat pocket, “You won’t…” 

He stabs the dagger right into the middle of Cas— the siren’s— stomach. Dean can’t watch the life fade out of the monster eyes that look so much like Cas’. He turns away as he hears Sam coming running up next to him. 

“Is it dead?” Dean asks solemnly. 

“Yeah. It’s dead.” 

Dean tries to recollect himself but he fails as another choked cry comes escaping his mouth. God, he hasn’t cried this much ever in his life. 

Sam collects his big brother into a tight embrace. And it’s like everything comes tumbling back in ten folds. That he’s been masking his hurt for days because it’s what he’s supposed to do, but he can’t do it anymore, he only wants Cas back. For them to talk it out, to come to some solution because as time has told them again and again, they’re it for each other. There’s no way to separate them and even if they have to stay platonic, Dean’s okay with that cause at least he has Cas back. 

“Dean, you okay?” Sam whispers. 

Dean hesitates before answering with a quiet, “no.” 

Sam only hugs him tighter while Dean allows himself to stand there and be comforted. 

~ 

Dean lets Sam drive back to their motel in town. Well, Dean’s sat wet and silent in the passenger seat covered in blankets with the heat cranked. He doesn’t say a word to Sam on their drive back, but as they pull into the parking lot Sam suggests that they take their time and go check out the city. 

Dean feels so useless, resentful, and miserable, he has no energy to argue. 

~ 

Dean finds a bit of himself on the second day in downtown Manhattan when they’re eating a greasy burger in a dive spot in Brooklyn. He would never admit it to Sam that this mini-vacation is helping, but it doesn’t lessen the idiocy that he feels 

He knows that the siren was playing off his thoughts, memories, and feelings. Dean hated believing even for a second that Cas was back. Even if he only played along to kill it. But also the nerve that it had becoming Cas. His Cas. He wishes he could kill the thing a million times over, so it could feel an ounce of what he feels. 

Except under all that pain and anger, his worry arises that maybe he’s not trying hard enough. That maybe he should be looking for Cas even if the guy doesn’t want to be found. The sounds of the siren saying “I love you” in Cas’ voice have haunted his nightmares since and will continue to do so if he doesn’t do something about it. 

Tonight is their fourth night in Manhattan and also their last before they head back to the bunker in the morning. And Dean can’t sleep, not like he has the other previous nights but tonight, it's worse. He tosses and turns, the moon too bright as it peers into the decent but expensive hotel room (Sam said they could splurge for once in their life). 

Dean looks at the digital clock and sees that it’s 2:30 in the morning. Groaning to himself, he grabs his coat and heads to the elevator and out onto the street. It’s true what they say, that this is the city that never sleeps, so Dean doesn’t feel guilty about walking around at this hour. 

He walks for a good 15 minutes before coming to the edge of Central Park, he crosses the street walking throughout the pathways, his hands shoved deep in his coat. It’s the middle of November and as much as the city is decent during the day, it gets considerably cold at night. 

But Dean pushes on, the movement of walking a long distance keeping him a decent temperature. When he comes up to The Lake with the famous boathouse. He finds a spot to lean against the railing, looking into the water and noticing the way the moon’s light reflects off of it, how the ducks paddle around, how the frogs croak from the lilypads. 

Dean sighs to himself. Officially week 3 of Cas missing. 

Dean runs a hand over his face, biting at his lip feeling frustration seep through him. None of this is fair. Dean falling for Cas is probably the second most selfish thing he’s ever done. Dean was stupid to believe that helping Cas would do no harm. That watching movies, being silly, ‘flirting’ with each other, and even parenting Jack together was supposed to mean nothing. That he could keep it platonic and ease Cas’s pain. But then he had to go and fuck it up, kissing Cas was amazing like everything he dreamed it would be. But deep down he knew somehow someway that Cas wouldn’t think the same. But he was into it a bit, right? Dean continues to be baffled that he still over thinks this. Because no matter what, Cas is still a fucking angel and doesn’t want Dean like that. 

Dean sighs, he hates himself. He hates God. He hates angels. He hates life. 

He looks around the park, noticing no movement anywhere. He lets in a large inhale. There’s something he hasn’t tried yet. It’s worked countless times before. And hell, maybe Cas will hear him but won’t respond and Dean won’t blame him. But he has to scratch that itch that’s been under his skin for days. 

“Cas” he lets out a shaky breath. Planting his feet sturdy into the ground and flexing his knuckles. “I-I hope you can hear this man... I-I don’t know where you are and it’s freaking me the hell out. I-” He shuts his mouth before he says something stupid. “I miss you Cas. I’m worried as fuck. I don’t know if you’re finding yourself or are super pissed at me but” He wipes his hand over his eyes force himself not to cry “I gotta know man. I gotta know you’re still kickin’ and not from some tiny ass post-it note. Something real you son of a bitch!” Too late, the tears start leaking out of his eyes, “Hell, Jack is miserable without you. I’m miserable without you. I don’t want to blame this all on what happened that night but I can’t help in thinking I fucked this all up. I’m sorry if that ruined everything. Or If you saw or heard something in my mind you didn’t want to, I’m sorry alright. I’m trying to- figure this out okay? I’m not sure what you want Cas but fuck I miss you, man. Nothing has to change alright? Just come back,” He waits with a shaky breath entering and leaving his lungs, “If not for me. For Jack. Come on Cas. Please. I’m beggin’ here.” 

There’s the rustling of the wind through the trees, and the sounds of sirens in the distance but no signature Cas whoosh. “Dammit!” Dean curses, kicking the rocks by his feet. 

When his phone vibrates in his pocket. He can feel it. The relief in his chest without even looking at the name on the screen. 

CAS: Dean none of this is your fault. I’ll come back soon. 

Dean stares at the message in disbelief for a while. 

DEAN: How do I know it’s you for sure? 

CAS: Do I make you horny baby? ;) 

Dean barks out a laugh, his heart squeezing in his chest. 

CAS: it was Austin Powers in case you didn’t get the reference lol 

DEAN: Smartass. 

CAS: Jackass. 

DEAN: I miss you so much Cas. You don’t understand. 

CAS: Dean. I miss you too. 

DEAN: Come home. 

CAS: I will. Soon. I promise. 

DEAN: When? I need to know Cas! Jack, he’s going through a lot. He needs you too. 

CAS: Soon Dean. I’ll reach out to Jack. I’m sorry. 

DEAN: If you come back now I won’t hold any of this against you. Please Cas. Let's start over. 

CAS: I can’t. Not yet. 

DEAN: Why? Cas why? Are you in trouble? Do you need help? 

It takes a while before Cas’s next message comes through but it’s a long one. 

CAS: I’m okay Dean. I’m sorry. I haven’t forgotten about you both. It’s hard, that’s all. Got lots to figure out but I’ll come back to you. To Jack. To Sam. I promise. Give me some more time please Dean. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Please. I’ll come back soon. 

DEAN: Okay Okay I’ll give you more time. I’m sorry if it was 'cause of me if I freaked you out in any way. I’m sorry. 

CAS: It wasn’t your fault Dean. 

DEAN: Come home. 

CAS: Soon. 

~ 

Halfway through their drive back to Kansas, Dean’s phone rang with a call from Jack who screeched with the announcement that he had heard from Cas. And by the sound of his babbling, this conversation went better than the last one. Cas told him that he was safe, he was experiencing humanity again by traveling from New York and then to England, then to Thailand, then to India and now he was currently somewhere in Japan. The conversation had concluded with Cas once again promising he would be back soon. Jack seemed elated with his conversation with Cas, well Dean’s left him feeling even more hopeless than before. 

So yeah sure Cas reached out and said he’d come home, but he never told Dean if he was safe or where he was which made him worry more. But then Cas goes off and tells Jack, assuring him of the positives only. Dean is glad that Jack doesn’t seem so pent up now and reminds him to focus on school. While Dean’s anxiety goes from a 10 to an 11. 

When Dean hangs up, Sam gives Dean a doubtful look. (Dean showed Sam the messages and everything) It left an awful taste in both their mouths and now with what Jack was told their uncertainty of what to do tripled. Somethings not right and for once in their life, they don’t have a plan. 

The rest of the ride is silent, both of them lost in their thoughts about how to fix this. When they return to the bunker Dean heads straight to his room to ultimately pass out. Tomorrow will be day 22 of no Cas, the only thing Dean is riding on is Cas’ promise that he’d come back. 

Dean tosses his bag on the floor of his room about to flop onto his bed. But stops up to see a few things laying there. 

There are four different box sets on the bed, when he looks closer they’re all of the John Wayne franchise. Dean smiles to himself, letting his heart thump wildly in his chest. 

He picks up one and finds a sticky note on the underside. 

Miss you. 

\- Smartass 

Dean laughs, his heart continuing to beat wildly in his chest. Frustrated tears start to leak from his eyes as he crumbles the note in his hand. “Goddammit, Castiel! You son of a bitch! You can’t keep giving me hope you stupid, pathetic piece of lying shit. YOU HEAR ME YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!” Then he’s tossing the boxes of DVDs at the wall. 

There’s footsteps there come tromping down the hallway, stopping right behind him. 

“Dean what the hell!?” Sam gasps 

Dean turns slowly, “I hate him, Sam. I hate him so much.” 

Sam carefully walks forward pulling his brother into a hug, “You don’t Dean.” 

Dean sighs frustrated, squeezing his eyes shut tight to stop the tears. He sucks in another deep breath letting the words ‘no, I don’t’ die on his tongue. 

~ 

It’s day 43 of Cas missing. 

Jack couldn’t come home for the weekend, said he was covering for someone at work who was sick. Dean thought he was fine with it, that was until Friday night hit and he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

Over the last three weeks, Jack’s been coming home for the weekends. Expressing he got more done in the bunker than in the library at school. Dean was overjoyed to have the kid around more often. Able to spend some time with Jack and keep an eye on him. Between Jack’s study sessions and Dean’s daily chores, they watched movies, played pool, ate junk food, and joked around. It was unusually normal and Dean savored every second of it. 

What they didn’t do was talk about Cas. It’s too much. Dean can feel the anger still pulse inside him from the DVD incident. After Sam had talked him down, he opened up each case to see if any were broken, luckily none were. Now they sit on his desk as a painful reminder. It's been three weeks since the last time Dean had heard from him— Dean never bothered in trying to reach out. 

When Jack isn’t around, they still search for local cases to work. They did a few smaller ones in neighboring states, returning to the bunker within 48 hours. That routine lasted a total of 43 days and Dean was grateful for the domesticity of it all. But now at 8 pm on a Thursday, Dean’s going on out of his mind. 

With Jack not coming home for at least over a week, Dean suggests they look outside of neighboring states to do a road trip again. It has been a few weeks since they stayed in a motel. 

They end up finding articles on what sounds like demon possessions happening in Idaho. Dean’s practically ready to hit the road by the time Sam shuts down his laptop. But with it being 11 pm and dark already, Sam tries to talk Dean into waiting till at least 5 am before they start their drive. 

Dean protests this of course because A) he’s an excellent driver. Daylight or not. And B) Finally! Something to do! He hates feeling bored, even though he thinks he should be grateful for it. But still, Sam insists that they wait. 

They end up compromising deciding to leave at 4 am. Enough time for Dean to get his few hours of shut-eye and for Sam to be comfortable on the highway. They’re getting cranky in their old age, Dean realizes their bickering went on for 45 minutes. But still, he feels some sense of purpose seep through him once again. 

He packs his bags and restocks the weapons duffle. Makes sure Baby has enough gas and refills the wiper fluid. He crawls into bed quarter to midnight, flicking his light off and imagining the open road. 

Slowly his mind blends from staring down endless asphalt to sitting on the couch in the Dean cave. He’s got a fluffy blanket by his feet and a beer in his hand. He’s staring at the TV in front of him that’s on but not playing anything. He looks around the room, confused. Having no recollection of entering the room or where this comfy blanket came from. 

But as if to answer his question, Cas comes waltzing in holding the biggest bowl of popcorn. They don’t say anything to each other as Cas flicks the lights off and sits down on the couch. Dean has his arm resting along with the back cushions and Cas takes this as an invitation to scoot in under his arm, tucking himself in perfectly. He leans back against Dean while Dean can’t help in snuggling closer. There’s no panic, no worry, no ache in his chest just peace. Cas looks up at him through thick lashes and Dean can’t hide the smile that’s hogging up most of his face. 

Cas blinks slowly and Dean feels his heart skip a beat, slowly gravitating towards each other. Dean kisses him and Cas leans in further. It’s soft and gentle, no urgency only a loving kiss. Dean tries to savor it, remembering each of his senses. 

Dean lifts his hand to put it on Cas’s cheek but it falls flat, passing right through him. 

Cas moves away but barely. His eyes are trained on Dean’s but he can’t look away. Not now, not after everything. He misses him so much, this is everything he’s been aching for. 

“I miss you” He tries to say but nothing comes out. 

“CAS!” He tries to shout but again, silence. Cas’s face is looking at him so innocently yet full of affection. Dean starts to panic, “CAS! CAS! CASTIEL CAN YOU HEAR ME!?” he shouts. 

“DEAN! WAKE UP!” 

That’s not Cas’s voice. Far from it actually. 

“Cas?” He says quieter. 

“Dean? Are you awake?” 

Dean opens his eyes to Sam hanging over his head. He jerks away “What the hell Sam?!” 

“Dude, were you having a nightmare?” Sam asks Dean’s eyes focus and he can suddenly see the concern written all over Sam’s face. 

“Uh. No no… I don’t think so.” 

“You were screaming… and it sounded like you were saying ‘Cas’ as loud as you could.” 

Dean freezes, “Um I-I don’t remember.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah” Dean lies, “Sorry for waking you.” 

Sam sighs, rubbing a hand across his face “As long as you’re okay?” 

Dean pats over his body “Yeah- yeah I’m fine.” 

“Ok” Sam concludes. 

Dean’s trying to put together the piece of his dream while saying “we'll leave at 5 instead of 4. Now go back to bed.” 

Sam gives him a cautious once-over before saying, “If you’re sure” Then leaving with a click of the door. 

Dean lays back in his bed, staring at nothing. His room is pitch black with the light off and all he can see is Cas’s vibrant eyes staring into his own. It felt so real, but Dean knows it’s only stress manifesting what he aches for. He doesn’t fall back asleep, just lays there in silence till his alarm blares. 

~ 

Tomorrow it’ll be 56 days since Cas disappeared. 

Dean has prayed to Cas a total of 12 times and has gotten nothing in return. 

Dean begins showing his internal dilemma on the outside. He gets drunk, a lot. Most times he passes out in the recliner in the cave. Sometimes he makes it to his bed. And on the odd occasion, he sneaks into Cas’s room and past out on the bed, hugging Cas’s pillow and whimpering to himself. 

Sam tries his best to get Dean out of his destructive behavior by finding new cases for them to go on. But every time he would find one, Dean would make up some lame excuse for Sam to go without him. 

Sam understands. He knows that Dean needs time to get this out of his system. So off he goes, alone but within the state of course. 

Jack hasn’t come home for almost three weekends now. Which isn’t helping Dean’s disposition either. Jack is the best distraction for him because the kid is so full of life buzzing around from thing after thing, Dean feels he lost this feeling months ago. His heart aches every time he thinks of Cas like he’s lost a part of himself. Sometimes though it feels like he can sense Cas, his chest doing some kind of flutter that isn’t his own doing. And every time this has happened, he’s prayed. 

Praying, wishing, hoping for Cas to suddenly whoosh back in and for them to be together and okay once again. But nothing happens, he gets nothing in return for his confessions and it hurts more every time he does it. 

Although, through his suffering Dean begins researching looking endlessly through books in the library. Trying to find a sure way to contact Cas that would guarantee him a response. He considered summoning a demon (which Sam talked him out of) for information. Then he thought he found a spell only for it to blow up in his face, literally. He even tries calling him, holding his breath through the rings hoping that maybe this time he’ll pick up. He doesn’t though. 

Dean doesn’t mention any of this to Jack, as Jack would jump at the chance to use his powers and the kid does not need that right now. So he goes at it alone, looking up if there’s some way to track Cas or to summon him. He tries everything he can and inevitably, it breaks him. 

Sam is currently in Sioux Falls. Has been for three days because Dean is trying to self implode and Sam can’t stick around to watch it. Dean knows this. 

Sam finally got sick of it when the most recent (and final) time Dean prayed to Cas and got nothing back. He walked into town, drank, got into a bar fight, and was kicked out of the place. He ended up texting Sam to come to get him. Standing in the chilly December air with a purple shiner around his eye. 

Sam yelled at him the whole way back to the bunker. 

“Dean, are you really going to go off the deep end because of Cas?” 

Dean sits up in the passenger seat, “He should NEED ME, Sam! Why does he never need me!” 

“You know how you can be! He probably had a good reason and you would’ve talked him out of it.” 

Dean slumped again the window, his head throbbing but he lets out a low cackle, “I only do that shit cause I care. It isn’t a bad thing.” 

“Not everything has to go your way, Dean!” 

“And don’t I know it!” Dean barks “He’s gone because I love him.” 

“He literally said it wasn’t your fault?!” Sam gasps. 

“So? A measly, overly vague text doesn’t mean shit! Easy enough to type those words out to get me off his back. And maybe sure, there’s some truth to it fine! But he still left— after everything!” 

“So what? You’re gonna have liver failure and start bar fights on a Tuesday because of that?” 

Dean growls “Maybe that’s just how I cope!” 

Now it’s Sam's turn to growl “So you got turned down! Whoopdefuckingdo! We all suffer heartbreak! I don’t know why you gotta suck everyone else into your shit. ” 

“Then go!” Dean yells “Leave. Like Cas did. He clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me, why should you?!” 

Dean can feel how livid Sam is by the tension raiding off of him. 

They say nothing as they pull into the bunker, Dean getting out of the car before Sam even puts it in park. Slamming the door shut and storming away. 

“Maybe you’re toxic behavior is why Jack hasn’t come around either!” Sam’s voice booms throughout the garage. Dean stops mid-step, Sam’s voice ringing in his ears. “Fuck you Sam” he bellows then slams the door on his way out. 

So that’s how Sam goes scurrying to his girlfriend, to get away from Dean who’s a wallowing mess. Missing something he never had in the first place. 

Dean’s so tired of guessing and wondering, he only wants Cas to realize how much he needs Dean like Dean needs him. He wants Cas to hurt like he’s hurting, so Cas can feel an ounce of how he feels. How much he’s been repressing his feelings, hoping it goes away but for it to return ten times stronger. But alas, Cas won’t ‘cause that’s the reason he’s gone in the first place. 

Dean’s sipping at a glass of rum in the library alone, when his phone vibrates against the wooden table. 

He looks at the screen, almost afraid to answer it. He hasn’t talked to Jack since Sam left, nor has the kid tried to talk to him. He didn’t feel like checking in, unsure what he would even begin to say. Jack has always been able to sniff out Dean’s problems and Dean loathes sharing, especially to Jack. Dean only assumes he’s busy with school, but his worst fear is that Sam talked to him first. 

“Hey, Jack I’m sorry for not calling recently. I’m going through some-” Dean answers solemnly. 

“Dean” Jack replies in the same tone. 

This spikes concern in Dean “Jack? What’s wrong?” 

“Dean I did something bad,” Jack says words quivering. 

“Jack you’re scaring the hell outta me...” 

“I used my powers, to look for him… and I… can’t” he chokes out. 

“Jack…” 

“DEAN I CAN’T FIND HIM!” Jack shouts, “I’m the most powerful being in the world and I can’t find my own father! There’s only one explanation.” 

“Whoa whoa. Jack, hey he’s not dead. There’s no way.” 

“I haven’t heard from him in WEEKS Dean. I try to distract myself with school, thinking that everything is okay but I can’t stop worrying when I get a second to think. And now I can’t even find him?” 

“I know it’s easiest to think the worse, hell if he was dead at least I’d fucking know where he is but he’s not. I know.” 

“How?” 

Dean sighs “This is going to sound so stupid... but I- I can feel him sometimes. I haven’t always been able too but I feel like I would know if he was dead.” 

Suddenly Jack is in front of him. 

Dean jumps, “Geez, learn to knock Jack!” 

“Huh, so that’s what that is…” Jack trails off, looking at Dean’s chest. 

“What’s what?” Dean says confused. 

Jack tilts his head while squinting, kinda like what Cas would do. There’s a table between them but Dean feels like the guy is as close to him as he can get. 

“You’ve had this… glow inside you. The first time I saw it, was a couple of months ago. I thought it was apart of your soul but... it’s different. I couldn’t place it but based on my findings...” 

“Spit it out, Jack.” 

“Did Cas ever tell you how he fixed you up in the cage?” 

“Uh maybe once? Can’t remember.” 

“I think there are pieces of him in you.” 

“excuse me?” 

“Tiny fragments of his grace were what pieced you back together. You’re healed but the grace, it’s still there. That’s why you can feel him.” 

Dean swallows hard, trying to digest the information he was just given. “Is-is that good or bad?” 

“Good, I think. I think I might be able to find him if you let me?” 

“Like track him through me?” 

“Dean you have bits of his grace in you, that’s like a direct line to him.” 

“Oh.” 

Jack hums well walking around the side of the table, closer to Dean. 

“Shouldn’t you be studying?” Dean suddenly questions. 

Jack gives him a glare “I’ve been studying all freaking day I couldn’t turn off the worrying. I had to try something and when it didn’t work...” 

“Jack…” 

“Do you trust me?” 

“Of course.” 

“Then I wanna try.” 

Dean pushes away from the table, “then go for it.” 

Jack pauses before stepping around looking down at Dean “I’m not sure if this will hurt but I’ll try to be as gentle as I can.” 

Dean snorts “Just don’t fry me okay.” 

Jack suddenly looks panicked. 

“Oh my god, Jack I was kidding. You’re smart, you can do this” Dean encourages. 

Jack takes in a deep breath, “Fine. But I blame you if this goes wrong.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“I’m not starting till you stop talking.” 

Dean puts his hands up in surrender, “alright alright I’m done.” 

Carefully, Jack leans over Dean putting his right hand on his chest. Jack inhales slowly, then closes his eyes. Dean does the same. 

There’s nothing for a moment, but then Dean can feel the warmth that spreads through him. It’s light and airy like laughing over a funny joke on a warm day. But it quickly fades and changes into something icy. It’s suddenly dark and cold, he tenses hard like he been left alone in a cold, wet cell. It’s a terrifying feeling. 

But as quick as it came it also went. 

When Dean opens his eyes, all he sees is Jack leaning against the table with his hair in his face breathing hard. 

“Jack?!” Dean exclaims up and out of his chair. He rests a hand carefully on Jack’s back, rubbing comforting circles, “You alright?” 

Jack looks up at him with a sad smile, he’s got tears rolling down his cheek, “I found him.” 

Dean tries to mask the hope on his face but clearly, he fails because Jack looks sad. Dean gives him a minute, trying not to eagerly press for information but half of him is dying to know. 

“He’s in Heaven and it’s not good I think?” Jack says. 

“I could feel it. It was… happy then it wasn’t.” 

“I think they might be draining him? Of his grace?” 

“Why? Why would you think that.” 

“It’s almost like you had more of Cas’s grace in your body than he has in his.” 

“Is he dying then?” 

Jack shakes his head “No. Not yet at least.” 

Dean rubs his hands over his face, “Then what do we do?” 

“I-I-I don’t know” Jack stammers. 

They’re both silent for a while. 

Till Jack’s phone starts ringing. 

Dean looks at him curiously, watching Jack look at the caller ID and hesitate about answering it. 

“You can answer it if it’s private. I can leave?” Dean offers. 

“No-no it’s fine I had plans I kinda forgot about, I’m gonna be in deep shit.” 

“You’re going through a lot Jack, I’m sure they’ll understand.” 

A blush forms on Jack’s cheeks “I-I can’t focus on that now. I need to go-” 

Dean interjects “Don’t go up to Heaven Jack. We don’t know what we’re dealing with yet.” 

“He’s scared…” 

“And so are we. That’s why we’re gonna do this right.” 

Jack lets out a frustrated grumble, “This is just so- ugh” a text tone bings from Jack’s phone, he reads it before cursing “fuck.” 

“Hey hey hey. It’s okay… Jack… it’s okay” Dean pulls him into a hug but Jack pushes him away. 

“But it's not though! Is it! Dad is stuck in Heaven and maybe dying at the head of Angels. Sam left! Because you’ve been a wallowing drunk mess on the brink of explosion.” Dammit, Sam did call him “I’ve got finals coming up in less than a week that I’m barely prepared for. And I missed out on a date that I was really looking forward too and-” 

“Jack I’m so sorry” Dean pleads, keeping his distance. 

“Please stop apologizing! It’s not going to fix anything! We need to do something! We- maybe I should’ve gone when they asked me too. Maybe he needed help then? I don’t know why they wouldn’t have said that they had him… ugh fuck! I’m so angry and tired and I miss him and I hate seeing you such a mess without him. I’m so… over it all.” 

Dean creeps closer, Jack’s hands are clenching and shaking with adrenaline. Dean’s familiar with the feeling so he knows better than to pry. Instead, making cautious eye contact with Jack, letting him know silently he’s okay before scooping him into a forceful hug. 

It takes a second, and Dean’s braces himself to be magically flung against the wall. But Jack hugs him back, letting himself breathe in and out. 

They stay like that for a few moments only breathing heard before Jack mumbles “m’sorry… really sorry… I didn’t mean to push you.” 

Dean leans back, looking directly at Jack “Hey it’s okay. I get it. But I promise you we’re gonna get him back but we’re gonna do it right. You can be angry, and revengeful but don’t let it cloud your judgment. We’re not going into Heaven guns blazing. We need a plan. I gotta call Sam, let him know what we know. He’ll come back and together, we’ll figure it out” Dean squeezes him again then carefully pulls away. 

“Okay. Okay. I believe you.” 

Dean takes a step back and watches Jack seem to physically calm down. He looks at his phone again, quickly typing out a message. 

“but a date huh?” Dean says trying to uplift the mood. Jack's cheeks go red “It’s what humans do yeah?” 

“Yeah, yeah they do…” 

Jack gets that nervous looking twitch that Cas sometimes would get when he desperately wanted to zap out of somewhere. 

Jack’s phone starts ringing again. 

“I think you should answer it” Dean suggests “Be sorta honest okay? Especially if you like them.” 

“Relationship advice from Dean Winchester?” Jack chuckles. 

“The best from the best” Dean grins. 

Jack quickly gives him a quick hug. Dean hugs him back “We’re gonna get Cas back, I promise you.” Jack squeezes him tighter before letting go and saying “Love you dad” and leaving the room to answer his phone. 

~ 

After taking a stern lecture from Jody first about alcoholism and unhealthy coping mechanisms, he and Sam finally say their mutual apologies. When he hangs up Jack walks back into the room. 

“How’d it go?” Dean asks. 

Jack smiles “I told him I found out one of my dads is sick. He understood completely. Told me to let him know if I wanted to talk or anything… I’m relieved he’s not pissed.” 

"That's good Jack. I'm glad you talked." Jack just smiles awkwardly. 

“So him huh?” Dean grins as Jack blushes “You gonna tell me about him?” 

“Mmm maybe later?” 

Dean gives him a suspicious look, “If he breaks your heart you better let me know.” 

“Annnnnd that’s why I’m not telling you anything” Jack laughs. 

Dean chuckles “Fair enough” he pauses, letting the room ease around them “I called Sam, let him know about Cas. He said he’ll head back first thing tomorrow morning.” 

Jack nods “that’s good.” 

“We’ll come up with some plan alright?” 

“I know.” 

They stay quiet again, so much hanging in the air. Things that want to be shared but that also want to remain a secret. 

“I should head back” Jack announces awkwardly. 

“Yeah yeah, of course.” 

“Let me know if you find out anything else?” 

“First call Jack.” 

“Thanks” he smiles easily. 

Dean coughs “Um hey before you poof outta here, I just wanted to reply to you for what you said before… that y’know- I love you too kiddo.” 

The smile that’s usually permanently on Jack’s face returns for a brief moment, “See you later dad.” 

“See ya.” 

~ 

For a week straight, Sam and Dean work at trying to find a backdoor into Heaven, something that will get them in without alerting the dickbags in the garrison. While researching Dean tries to hone in on that feeling or glow Jack was talking about. He feels for it every morning when he wakes up and every night before he passes out. It’s the one thing that lets him know that Cas is still alive. 

They’ve come close multiple times to finding a way in without using Jack’s powers, but every time it somehow comes up with a loose end. 

“I really don’t know what to do Dean” Sam finally admits defeat. There are books piled all over the library floor, some open some not. They’re not in any order and it’s gonna be a pain to put them all back. 

“I don’t know either Sammy! This fucking sucks I hate feeling so useless all the friggin time” He’s drinking a diet coke, cause he promised Sam he’d lay off the drinking. So he chugs back half the can and rests his head against the wall of the library where he’s sitting on the floor. 

“How’s Jack doing?” Sam asks, changing the subject. 

Dean looks at the time on his phone, “uh he should be done his last exam by now…” he says as he’s already finding Jack’s contact in his phone. 

Sam grunts, “Come on Dean don’t bug him. He’s probably out celebrating.” 

Dean waves him off “Whatever.” 

“Dad hey!” Jack's voice crackles over the phone. 

“Hey kiddo just checking in how your exams went?” 

“Good. I think? Won’t know till I get my marks back but glad they’re over for now.” 

Sam chuckles next to Dean “Oh how I don’t miss that kind of stress.” “Sam’s there? Are you guys having any luck?” 

Dean pauses, “Um not really but we’re not gonna give up alright.” 

“You can still feel him right?” Jack asks. 

“Yeah… it’s the same it’s been for the past week.” 

“That’s good at least.” 

Then Sam is reaching over pulling Dean’s phone out of his hand. “What the hell Sam!” 

“Hey Jack,” Sam says well smiling into the phone. 

“Hey, Sam!” Sam says casually with Dean rolling his eyes next to him “I know your dad is being a buzzkill so if you’re gonna go out partying tonight can you let me know what time and I’ll get him to lay off?” 

Jack roars with laughter on the other end, “Yeah I’m going to this bar off-campus at 9." 

“Perfect. You won’t hear from him till you wanna alright?” Jack chuckles “Thanks Sam, I owe you one.” 

“Don’t mention it, kid. I’ll give you back to your dad now before he stabs me.” Jack’s laughter can be heard from the speaker as the phone gets passed back. Dean huffs in defeat, “Hey sorry I don’t mean to y’know suffocate you.” 

Jack’s laughter stops, “Dad you’re not I swear.” 

“Thanks, kid. Text me later? Let me know you’re safe?” 

“Of course.” 

“Jack baby we’re gonna be late” A deep voice booms in the background. 

Dean’s ears prickle in curiosity, “Who was that Jack?” 

“Gotta go Dad bye!” 

“Jack! Who was- son of a bitch” Dean grumbles looking at the blank screen of his phone. 

“What was what?” Sam questions. 

Dean leans back against the wall, letting out a deep exhale “Pretty sure he’s been seeing a guy, for a while now. But he’s been—” Dean searches for the word “Withholding information about him.” 

“Huh,” Sam says pursing his lips in thought. 

“What?” 

“Does it bug you that your son got a boyfriend before you did?” 

Dean throws the nearest book into Sam’s lap, “Why don’t you do that thing where you shut the hell up.” 

Sam's laughter echoes around the room. 

~ 

Dean’s in bed later that night, books thrown around himself. But he’s taking a break from reading by scrolling through his camera roll on his phone. He has a mess of photos, some of strange markings from past hunts. Some screenshots of maps or news articles. Some are of Sam mid-yawn, mid-sneeze, and mid-sentence, all for blackmail material. Then there’s some of baby when the lighting hits her just right that she looks the best. But lastly, there’s some of Cas. 

He has the selfie of the two of them from months ago but also some sneaky photos that aren’t enough to be creepy. Ones where Cas is standing in his trenchcoat looking over a field with an orange-colored sky in the background, another one of him in a plaid shirt reading over a book in the bunker's library, and Dean’s favorite, Cas relaxed in a recliner in the Dean cave with blue light cast over him. Dean’s positive Cas saw him take that photo but didn’t bother to call him out for it, almost posed so Dean could have this keepsake. These few momentos he has are kept in his favorites album, hoping one day he can fill it with more photos. 

He feels a pang in his chest, it’s heavy like a hundred wet towels were thrown on top of him. He rubs above his peck, hoping that it’s muscle pain. That maybe he pulled something when he was moving books around. But it’s different, unlike any pain he’s felt before. 

His phone begins to ring, scaring him. Jack’s caller ID comes up. 

Dean’s confused but still absentmindedly rubs at his chest, “Hey everything alright?” 

“Dean. Do you know who Naomi is?” 

Dean sits up, “What? How do you know that name?” 

“She came to take me, Dean, I didn’t go. But I will- I have too” he sounds lost not upset though. 

“Hang on. Let me get Sam” Dean says before rushing out of his room and down the hall. Not bothering to knock before barging into Sam’s room. 

“Dean what the fuck?!” Sam yells, curled up in bed with a book. 

“Jack had a visit from Naomi” Dean grits out. 

“Geez, why don’t any of these angels ever stay dead.” 

Dean puts Jack on speaker, “Jack can you tell us exactly what happened.” 

“We were leaving the bar to go to some party a couple of blocks away when she appeared right in front of us.” 

“Us?” 

Jack lets out an irked sigh “Me and Gabriel— he’s human. We were walking to the party and she showed up. I had to erase Gabe’s memory cause he was too busy panicking, I sent him to the party, said my aunt from Sanfran was here to give me an update on my dad. He bought it and left but she cornered me in an alley. She told me I had to come with her, that it was my obligation to Heaven to help. Repay Heaven for what my father has done all these years…” 

Sam glances at Dean, “But wasn’t that the deal when you made all those angels?” 

“That's what I told her. She said it wasn’t enough, that my debt has not been repaid in full. I still refused, told her to figure it out on her own. But then she said it.” 

“Said what?” Dean barks. 

“Cas is dying.” 

It hits him. His hand flying up to that odd pain sitting in his chest. 

“What?” Sam asks. 

Dean lets his vision blur, staring at the wall behind Sam. He holds his hand against his thin t-shirt, feeling for the spot where the pain is echoing from “He’s… he’s hurting” Dean breathes out. The stunned look on Sam’s face is only a quarter of what Dean feels. 

“Dad I've already made my choice. I-I have to go” Jack says cutting off his thoughts “Jack you can’t go alone,” Sam says, still staring at Dean. “Then come with!” Jack shouts. 

Dean clears his throat, his internal panic on hold for now “We don’t know what we’re going up against Jack!” 

“Hell they could sick Cas on us for all we know” Sam adds. 

Jack lets out a shaky exhale, “I didn’t tell you that when we tracked him... I could see him.” 

Dean looks at Sam both shooting each other confused looks “You could... see him?” 

“I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire but yes I saw him and he’s in some kinda happy headspace to keep him relaxed and…” Jack sighs. 

“And what Jack?!” Dean bellows. 

“It was you and him in the Dean cave watching movies. You were on a couch, under this big fluffy blanket with a big bowl of popcorn and you two were cuddling okay!” 

Dean feels like he got the wind knocked out of him. He saw that… all of that. It felt so real, and now… it’s all making sense. “I saw it too...” 

“What?” Jack and Sam say at the same time. 

“I dreamt about it weeks ago. But it felt… real…” Dean answers sounding distant. 

“You two are connected, bonded to each other almost,” Jack says while Sam snorts. 

“Cas has said that he and Dean do share a more profound bond. Maybe the force of it has been turned up?” Sam adds. 

“Something must’ve triggered it for it to be so powerful” Jack hums “Anything monumental happen between you two Dean?” 

Dean cannot believe what he is hearing right now, the words all make sense and ring in his ears but he’s for real for real tied to Cas. “Um…” Sam clears his throat while smirking at Dean. Dean feels his cheeks flush “We-uh. We uh kissed. Finally.” 

“What? When?!” Jack gasps. 

“Remember when I called to check up on you. You found out that Cas hadn’t been around. It was like a week before that.” 

Jack makes a ‘huh’ noise “Makes sense with you two being perfect for each other.” 

For once, Dean doesn’t try to disagree. 

There’s quietness between them before Sam says “So now what?!” 

Jack sighs, “I’m gonna go tell my boyfriend I have another family emergency and hope that he doesn’t break up with me. Then I’m gonna come get you both and we’re going to Heaven to get Cas back.” 

“Loud and clear Jack.” 

“Be ready in 20.” 

Then the line cuts dead. 

Sam snorts sounding amused “He’s definitely your son.” 

Dean goes silent, he’s usually okay with all the supernatural things they deal with. But this, being bonded to Cas beyond previous terms. Feeling him all this time, dreaming of him so vividly he’s ashamed at the comfort and baffled at the complexity. 

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to rationalize this” Sam offers as he’s up and out of bed. 

Dean nods, no words want to come out of his mouth so he leaves stunned silent. 

He goes through the motions of changing, finding his gun, an angel blade, and a knife. He meets back up with Sam who’s ready to go, in the war room. Still trying to find the words to make sense of this all. 

Jack poofs into the room a few minutes of silence later. He’s looking at Dean, hopeful “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you into shock.” 

Dean finally finds his words “So are you saying there’s a chance?” 

Jack nods but bites at his lips in nerves, he looks over at Sam for some kind of courage. Sam of course nods in reassurance. 

“it’s just… Dad… you and Cas, there’s no denying it anymore. You can blame yourself all you want but you know the feelings not gonna go away, for you or him. You two have been intertwined in the other since the day you both met. You’re tethered to him for life in more ways than one and that scares him as much as it scares you. I know I have no room to talk about any of this, hell I’ve been keeping my mouth shut to not overstep but you both love each other and you both need to stop making excuses to deny it.” 

Dean runs a hand over his face, trying not to let his emotions consume him. Jack’s speech echoes in his mind, the sincerity, and sadness in his voice. Dean feels bad about putting this burden on Jack when all he’s been trying to do is care for the kid. He promised Kelly that. He and Cas promised Kelly that. 

Dean is quiet for a second then speaks quietly, “So there is a chance.” 

Jack puts his hand to Dean’s shoulder, “Save him and find out.” 

Then there’s a flash of white. 

~ 

Dean feels like he’s died. His body is sweating, his mouth tastes metallic, and his head is all foggy. Heaven. Cas. Right. Now he’s aware. 

When he sits up he’s on a pristine white couch, the room’s dark though with minimal light coming from the dark hallways. 

“Oh good, you’re up!” A voice snaps him out of his daze. When he turns his head, it’s Jack peeking into the room. 

“Dude what the hell?!” Dean whisper yells as he gets off the couch. 

“I think they put up some kind of warding against me? It took more of my power than I thought. I don’t think Sam made it up here. I’ve looked everywhere. Sorry.” 

“Crap” Dean hisses “Now what?” 

“Cas is in the infirmary,” Jack says. 

“Heaven has a hospital?” 

Jack shrugs, “Guess so. Kinda feel like this is a trap though, it was easy to find.” 

“You found him already?!” 

Jack’s face falls into concern, “What?! You were unconscious of course I was gonna try and find him!” 

Dean rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “is he… okay?” 

“He’s asleep, they have him in this dream headspace remember” Jack gives him a curt smile. 

Right… cuddling in the Dean cave, Cas’ Heaven. Dean snaps himself out of it before he starts spiraling, “Okay then let's go get him” he starts to step out of the office but an invincible force holds him in place, “What the fuck?” 

“Dean Winchester” A voice booms. 

Dean looks down the hallway. 

“Naomi” Dean grits out. 

“We have to talk.” 

~ 

Dean’s sat in an office chair, with Jack next to him. Dean is angel mojo’d to a chair, well Jack has power deactivating cuffs on. Awesome. 

Naomi is standing before them, pacing back and forth in her grey suit. Her heels clicking against the white tiles of Heaven. 

“Ok talk!” Dean shouts. 

“Always the pleasantries Mr. Winchester.” 

“Shut up. Just let me take Cas, and we’ll be out of your hair.” 

“Oh, Castiel isn’t going anywhere.” 

“Like hell, he’s not!” Dean growls. 

Naomi snorts, “What? You think we wouldn’t be expecting your visit?” 

“You came to Jack!” 

“And we knew he’d go straight to you.” 

“Fuck you!” 

Naomi wags a finger at him “That’s not how you get your way around here.” 

Dean tries to move, tries to free some body part but he’s stuck. Helpless, useless, and unable to do the thing he came here to do. He looks over at Jack, the kid is giving him an apologetic look. Lips tied into a thin line. Dean feels bad for making the kid so involved in all of this. Once again, Dean Winchester dragging someone who got out— back in. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Jack asks, sounding like a little kid. 

Naomi frowns at him, “Worried about your father…?” 

“Then tell the kid what’s wrong with him you bitch!” Dean growls. That last comment gets Dean’s voice revoked from his being. Only able to wheeze at this point. 

“Alright. Then let me spell this out for you,” Naomi starts “Jack you came into this world at an optimal time. An all mighty being with the powers to do things, unlike any other demon or angel. I admit you did help us in replenishing our soldiers, but unfortunately, it was not enough therefore your due is unpaid.” 

Dean wants to argue, Jack did what he was told. That gives them no right to take Cas from them when he was struggling. But alas, he can’t do anything but glare daggers into the woman before him. 

Naomi stops in front of Jack “Heaven on its own is dying. We need grace to keep us afloat, but with having newer Angels our power is still faltering. We need old grace to keep our home alive. Otherwise, we’d have lost souls with no direction to go in and there’s no way Hell wouldn’t find a way to put them into their pit of torture.” 

Jack grits his teeth “So then what’s wrong with Cas?!” 

Atta boy, show them who’s boss Dean thinks. 

“I’m getting there. We found Castiel when he was confused and lost. Torn between continuing his journey to becoming human and yet still wanting to be an Angel. We offered him peace with an exchange of course. His grace would come to power Heaven and he would walk freely as a human, no more ties to Heaven.” 

“And he agreed?” Jack asks. 

“He felt he didn’t owe Heaven anything. But he does, he owes us everything for what he’s done. So we brought him here to show him the damage. He saw how Heaven was shutting down and yet still bargained with us. In the end, we had to show him that we would go after you Jack… then he agreed.” 

Jack narrows his eyes further, “So then you are killing him!” 

“Castiel is more or less a battery at this point... he needs to stay up here to keep Heaven’s energy levels at bay.” 

“Then why not take his grace and make him human-like he wants?” 

“Unfortunately. Much to Cas’s desire to let go of his grace, his grace won’t let go of him. It’s tied into him so deeply, and we might be able to extract it without killing him. But his grace may die along with him. He has fought back at us, he has tried escaping but we need his grace. So he’s safe for now in his time loop but time is running out and we will be forced to try the extraction.” 

Jack is in shock as much as Dean is. But about a million questions start flipping through Dean’s mind. He wishes he could speak to get some answers but all he can do is wheeze. 

“Then why don’t you and the other older angels give up your grace! You all care so much about Heaven then it’s your duty to do so!” Jack shouts and Dean wants to cheer for Jack. 

Naomi slams her hands on the desk behind her “You don’t think we’ve done that!” she spins on her heels, hiking her sleeve up to show circle bruises all over her arm “The last of us have been giving everything we have to save Heaven and it’s simply not enough. We need the mature Angels to remain at full power in order for Heaven to stay functional. But with Castiel wanting to become human... then he might as well be dead!” 

“What if I make more Angels?” Jack suggests. 

“We would need millions on millions of new angels and humans who would be willing to serve. That could take centuries and God isn’t alive to conduct such a thing.” 

Jack’s face turns up as he looks at Dean scared and hopeless. 

She sighs “Jack… Castiel is the only one who can save Heaven now and we’re going to use him as he has used us.” 

“There’s nothing I can do?” Jack asks. 

Naomi hums, tapping her long red nails on the desk in the room that she’s now leaning against, “Your grace is beyond what any of us have so you could become human, save your father.” 

Dean tries to yells but again another wheeze comes out. Jack does look at him though and Dean tries to tell him with his eyes that she’s bluffing. 

“And what if I say no?” Jack answers, his eyes narrowing. 

“Then Castiel will die when we extract his grace,” She says calmly. 

Jack is fuming alongside Dean well Naomi just blinks at them. Dean turns to look at Jack again whose eyes are staring into the floor. He’s livid, Dean’s never seen him like this before. He wants to reach out, comfort him, tell him they will win this fight. But instead, Jack looks up and glares at Naomi, “You have no idea what you’re doing.” 

Naomi steps away from the desk, closer to Jack who’s got frustrated tears rolling down his cheeks, “No I do. Because this time, I’m finally going to win.” 

Jack’s lip is trembling, his hands are shaking and Dean wants to punch her for making Jack so upset. But still, Dean’s voice is trapped so all he can do is give Jack another look that hopefully translates as ‘We got this’. 

But truth is, Dean doesn’t got this. He has no plan. He’s stuck here. Useless, hopeless, and defeated. 

He thinks. 

Cas if you can hear this. I love you. I love you and I’m gonna try everything I can to get to you. I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon. I promise you stupid stupid smartass. 

He tries to do some quick thinking but all of a sudden there’s a commotion at the end of the hallway. Naomi turns to the door as the ringing of Angel’s being killed hums throughout the room. But before she can even turn on her heels, she’s vanished from the room. 

Dean gasps, his voice and mobility returning, “You alright?” Dean asks in his first breath. Jack nods, swallowing hard “Yeah yeah I’m alright.” 

“She’s such a know-it-all I hate that she talked to you like that” Dean grumbles as he stands racing to find the keys for Jack’s cuffs. 

“Dad it’s fine.” 

Dean mutters some other gibberish about how he wants to smite her before finding the keys and settling. 

“Not sure how you did all that but good job” He turns to back to Jack, but Jack shakes his head “wasn’t me.” Dean looks at him confused as he unlocks the cuffs off of Jack’s wrists. 

“It was me,” Sam says out of breath. He’s got an angel blade in his hand and blood dripping down his arm. “Used a banishing sigil. Not sure where they get banished too when we’re already in Heaven but it seems to have worked?” 

“Man am I glad to see you!” Dean coughs, walking up to hug his brother. Jack joins them, he also hugs Sam carefully “May I?” He asks for Sam’s arm which he heals up instantly. 

Dean starts opening drawers in the desk in the room, finding his gun, knife, and angel blade “thank fuck,” he mutters under his breath as he starts stuffing them all under his clothes. 

“I didn’t think you made it?” Jack says, “I looked for you but I couldn’t find you?” 

Sam gives a crooked smile, “Well if Heaven has a boiler room, I’m pretty sure that’s where I landed.” 

Jack grimaces, “Oops Sorry.” 

“It’s fine. It worked out anyway.” 

Dean peers out of the office, looking down each white hallway to see no movement, “Think it’s safe?” 

Sam shrugs, “The sigil should’ve cast out everyone on this floor…” 

“Cas,” Dean mumbles. 

“Shit I didn’t think,” Sam starts. 

“Jack where is he?!” 

Jack is now looking down both hallways, “It’s okay, he’s not on this floor” he calls beckoning them to follow. They wind the maze of hallways, unsure of how much time they have. Jack seems to be counting his steps when they reach double doors to a staircase. 

Dean peeks in first, holding his angel blade firmly in his hand. He listens for breathing, for footsteps anything. But there’s only silence. He nods for Sam and Jack to follow him. 

The three of them pad down the stairs to the next door which is label ‘Floor 654’ 

“Jesus, no wonder they can’t keep the power on,” Dean says in disbelief before opening the door. 

Most of the lights are off on this floor too. But thankfully, there’s not an army of Angels waiting for them. Dean beckons for them to follow. 

“Anyone else find it odd that there's no Angels anywhere?” Sam asks curiously. 

“Yeah, it’s odd, pretty sure we’re walking right into a trap. Nothing unusual for the holy dickbags.” 

They walk quietly following Jack who is still counting his steps he pauses when they come to a split hallway, “This way” Jack nods. 

They continue down the semi-lit hallway but Jack stops, holding his head “They’re on their way. I can hear it.” 

“Fuck” Dean curses. 

“The infirmary is around the corner, come on” Jack encourages as they continue. 

They turn the corner and come in front of a plain door. Above the frame, it says ‘infirmary’ in a bland font. 

“He’s in there?” Dean asks, his hands shaking. 

“Yeah... But Dean...” Jack says cautiously, “Cas is in some kind of...” 

“Right, happy heaven and all that.” 

Jack frowns, “you’ll have to break him out of it.” 

Dean gapes at him “Oh…” 

“You can do it. He’ll be happy to see you.” 

Sam taps Dean’s shoulder “Go, we’ll watch for trouble.” 

Dean opens his mouth to argue but Jack cuts him off, “No more Dean Winchester Pity party. Go save Dad.” 

Dean can’t argue anymore and opens the door carefully. He peeks in to make sure there's no surprises and once he deems it’s safe he steps into the room. Shutting the door quietly behind him. 

He looks around the room, it’s all white everything. Except for some silver dressers along the wall. There are stalls of beds placed perfectly along the other wall. But none of them look like they’d ever been touched. But in the farthest stall away from the door has curtains shielding whoever's inside, there’s a thumping sound, along with a ringing. Then a beep is heard once every few seconds. 

Dean’s whole body quakes with nerves, he breathes in sharply finally finding his legs moving across the room. He lifts his hand to grab at the sheet, shutting his eyes and taking in another deep breath before opening it. 

Cas is lying there, his arms across his stomach. His face is sunken in, his hair a mess, and his lips almost a grey color. He looks like he’s only sleeping but the color of his skin is telling that he isn’t well. 

Dean drops to his knees next to Cas, grabbing onto his hand squeezing it tight. He shuts his eyes trying to hold back his tears. 

“I’m here Cas, I’m here” He whispers out, he leans up a bit to look closer at Cas’s face. The lack of freckles, the greying of his skin, the dryness of his lips. He looks so fragile, skeleton-like. But finally, after all these months, Cas is in front of him. He holds Cas’s hand tight, carefully though not wanting to hurt him. He’s so frail and thin, Dean’s never seen him like this before. 

“Oh, Cas I’m so sorry. I’m- I’m so sorry for being so angry with you, I- I should’ve looked for you I should’ve tried harder. I didn’t know- I thought… you hated me. That I was disgusting and selfish for…” He pauses “For loving you…” he gulps, finally he said it “I should’ve said something, we should’ve talked. But you know I’m not good with all that. Especially to you— god Cas.” 

Dean drops his forehead to Cas’s wrist, needing to fully feel him that he’s there in front of him. Dying nonetheless but still there. Barely. 

“Me, Jack… even Sam. We’re not complete without you, I don’t know why you do it, man. Feel like you can fix everything on your own. We’re here to help, always. We’re your family Cas, you’re my family Cas. you gotta come back. Let me help you.” 

Jack warned him that Cas was in a happy hallucination, that breaking out of it wouldn’t be easy. So he’s not sure why he’s expecting Cas to jump back to life with a few meaningful sentences. 

Dean lets out a long sigh, trying to figure out a way to break Cas out of his dream. He squeezes Cas’s hand with both of his wrapped around it. Hoping, praying that Cas will feel him being there. 

“Cas” Dean croaks “Remember the movie room, the Dean cave as I called it. It wasn’t for me. It was for you. I wanted you to feel like you belonged, that you were never an afterthought. You matter so fucking much to me Cas” His voice shakes with nerves “I hated that I couldn’t give you the human abilities you were missing, but I did what I could so you felt included. I would never, ever intentionally let you feel left out. You’ve been in my life for so long it would kill me for you not to be there. It has been killing me that you're not there.” 

A few tears drip off his cheeks and onto Cas’s hand. Dean is quick in drying them with his sleeve. 

“You are so much more than an Angel or a human Cas. You’re– everything to me. The reason I wake up, the reason I fight, the reason I want to get the hell away from this life. You and me, having our small family, having the life we deserve finally. You just gotta come back to me, we’ll make this a thing okay Cas. If you want it as much as I do, we can do this. We will do this. Just come back to me Cas.” 

Dean sniffles “Hell if I’m making all this up. If I am only believing what Jack was telling me for my own sake then I’ll drop it. I’ll figure out a way to get over you but I need you in my life Cas. Regardless of what we are. I need you to come back to me.” 

More tears fall from Dean’s cheek and land on Cas’s frail hand. Dean’s vision is so blurred he’s wiping away aimlessly but more only keep falling. “Cas— you mean more to me than anything I’ve ever had. I’m lost without you. Come back to me you stupid stupid smartass.” 

“Jackass” A hoarse voice chokes out. 

Dean looks up at Cas’ face, he’s met with faded, grey eyes. They’re sad, depressed looking. There’s no spark left in them. Dean’s quirk of a smile turns into a frown, but then his vision retreats and he can see the smile on Cas’s face. 

“Cas” Dean says breathlessly, he’s squeezing Cas’s hand so tight as he searches his face for something anything. Making sure this is real, that Cas is looking at him, that they’re finally together again after three whole months. 

Dean frowns looking at how small the guy looks, how there are wires hooked up to him that spire from futuristic-looking medical tech. There’s barely a life hanging on in Cas’s body and yet his smile pierces through Dean’s heart like a knife. 

“Oh, Cas” Dean cries. He wants to tell Cas how stupid he is for going off like that, then he wants to yell and tell Cas that he can’t fix this, he can’t help him cause he’s a shitty human with nothing to offer. A body that does fuck all compared to a celestial being. A human that has no right falling for an Angel. But he doesn’t. He holds Cas’s hand, reminding himself that he’s there, finally. 

“Dean I-” Cas then coughs, it’s terrifying. His whole body shakes, looking like he's one breath away from shattering into millions of pieces. Dean tries to frantically do something but only ends up petting at Cas’s arm in comfort. “Dean I’m-” Cas starts again but then the door Dean had walked through is busted down by Sam getting thrown through it. 

Dean stands, “Sam!” he calls but his little brother only slumps by the wall. Naomi and her two other Angel goons strut through the door. 

Dean backs up, trying to shield Cas from them. 

“Dean, step away” Naomi demands. 

“No! Look what you’ve done to him!” Dean curses only to be thrown across the room. His body cracks and aches as he peels himself from the floor. Only able to barely hear the faint sounds of Cas’s voice ringing out “Stop. Stop. Please. I’ll stay- I’ll stay here.” 

“Cas” Dean tries to argue. Cas can’t give yet another thing to this fraud of a place, Cas owes them nothing for what he’s been put through, it isn’t fair at all. “Cas don’t” Dean croaks, bringing himself to his knees still clutching at his stomach. 

One of Naomi’s goons picks him up by the arm, hoisting him to kneel properly and lookup. Naomi steps closer to Dean, as he tries to inconspicuously pick his knife out of his belt loop, gritting his teeth through the pain. 

“Don’t try to fight this Dean. You’ll only make things worse for Castiel” Naomi threatens. Dean wants to spit at her but then off in the corner he hears Sam groan as he regains consciousness. 

“Dean” Sam mumbles. 

“Don’t!” Naomi shouts with a wave of her hand. By the wheezing sound, Sam has lost his voice. 

“Where’s. Jack” Dean grits out. 

“Doesn’t matter” Naomi scoffs “I’m here to discuss you. I see... that you’re different Dean Winchester.” 

“Bite me” he snarls. 

Naomi makes a tsking noise as she clicks her heels walking up to his face, “You... have something I want.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Grace. You have angel grace inside you, specifically Castiel’s grace.” 

Then Cas is coughing behind them, Dean finds his grey eyes that are filled with sorrow, “It’s barely anything Naomi. Not worth extracting.” 

Naomi doesn’t even turn when speaking to him, “No! He’s bonded to you Castiel and you know it.” 

Cas’s face is frozen as if he got caught. 

“Cas?” Dean tries, but he’s shushed by Naomi. 

She looks away from him, back at Cas “Oh Castiel. I knew it. We all knew it” She looks over Dean “This- this human you chose over us...” Then she pauses “You’re pathetic and weak. At this point, you deserve to be human!” 

“SHUT UP!” Dean curses 

She turns back to Dean, but all Dean can look at is Cas’s full-blown panic eyes. Dean hates that look, it’s the same one the last time Dean saw him. 

Dean snaps out of his thoughts when he catches Naomi staring at him up and down. 

“What!” Dean yells, confused as hell by the sudden change of attitude. 

Naomi pauses before looking over her shoulder at Cas before turning back to Dean, “You’ve been feeling him lately haven’t you?!” 

Dean is kind of confused by this question “Why would I tell you about my feelings when I have enough trouble telling them to the people I care about.” 

Naomi snorts “Well then… Cas do you want to elaborate?” Dean turns his gaze to him, and Cas looks stunned. 

“I said ELABORATE Castiel!” Naomi shouts “Tell him why we had to put you in stasis, kept calm in a dreamland.” 

Cas’ eyes widen “I-I was angry.” 

Naomi nods “How angry?” 

Cas hums like he’s trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, “It was unlike any emotion I’d ever felt before. I was furious, I was throwing things, breaking things, I wanted to release the anger I felt in a more destructive way. I thought it would help...” 

Cas doesn’t get angry, Dean thinks. The guy gets frustrated and can raise his voice, but real anger. Dean’s never seen that side of Cas, unlike how many times Cas has seen Dean angry. 

“He’s been feeling me too,” Dean says to the crowd before him. 

Cas’s eyes are full of confusion as he stares at Dean and all Dean wants to do is hold him and explain himself. 

Naomi stalks up to him, “You have some of his grace. You both triggered it to be a permanent tie somehow. Castiel’s grace won’t leave his body till he gets it all back.” 

Dean shoots her a look “So you need me then” he accuses. 

She shakes her head, “Only recently did we realize what was happening with Castiel’s body. It doesn’t happen. It’s not supposed to happen. But when we realized, we had to act” he points between the two of them, “The sliver of an amount that you have has connected you to Castiel beyond the love that you feel for each other, that only happens with—” 

“Soulmates,” Jack says stepping into the room. Completely fine and untouched. 

“How did you-” Naomi threatens. With a wave of Jack’s hand, she and her goons are pressed up again the far wall. 

Dean drops to the ground, clutching his abdomen, certain that he has broken a rib or two. He lets out two large breaths, trying to lessen the pain when the word hits him like a punch to the stomach. Soulmates? Dean thinks, feeling dizzy with emotion. She’s playing him Dean know this, she’s trying to get him to submit, get them to give in to what she wants. Dean knows that she knows he would do anything to save Cas. Just like he would for Dean. Dean’s so tired of their bond being used against them. 

“I’ve been listening in on Angel radio and it all makes sense now,” Jack says stalking closer to Naomi “You knew and you needed Dean to come up here so you lured me with the threat!” 

“He IS dying Jack! I never lied!” 

“BECAUSE YOU’RE KILLING HIM!” Naomi looks down at the ground away from them all. Jack clenches his fist as Naomi and her goons cry out in pain “SAY SOMETHING!” 

“JACK STOP” Dean bellows. 

Jack looks at him, eyes narrowing “THEY DESERVE TO HURT. For hurting Cas, for hurting you, for tearing our family apart!” 

“Jack, that was never the point!” Naomi threatens even though she’s the one trapped. 

“Shut. Up” Jack demands. 

Dean can hear Naomi trying to reason with Jack but Dean tunes them out when he hears Cas groan. 

“Hey hey, what’s wrong?” Then it’s Dean’s turn to groan. 

“Dean,” Cas says concerned. 

Dean shushes him “It’s okay. You- we need to get you out of here” Dean starts pulling at the cords all attached to Cas’ body. One by one they detach from Cas’s weak body. 

Suddenly there’s the sound of things cracking like an earthquake then an emergency alarm has gone off. 

“What have you done!” Naomi shouts frantically 

“Enough!” Jack shouts. 

Naomi ignores him, “Heaven has no power supply, this place will start to crumble with all of you inside it.” 

Dean flashes a worried look at Sam who’s looking at Dean like he has three heads, “Hey Sammy, I’m sure you got a concussion but some help would be great.” 

Sam nods, his eyes going cross-eyed before passing out again. 

“Awesome” Dean grumbles. 

“Jack you don’t know what you’re doing!” Naomi shouts. 

“I’m protecting my family is what I’m doing.” 

“Heaven will seize to exist if you continue this please, I’m begging you. Do something” she pleads. 

Dean can see she looks genuinely afraid as the room is breaking down beneath them. Dean can feel it in the tiny rumbles below his feet. 

“Dean” Cas starts. 

Dean hurries, sitting next to Cas’s body on the bed, “Hey hey I’m gonna get you out of here.” 

Cas shakes his head, “I need to get rid of my grace” Cas gasps lowly as he taps at Dean's chest. 

“These Angels don’t deserve shit.” 

Cas frowns, his lip quivering like he’s going to start crying “Dean I” Cas starts “I want... to forget Heaven. I want to die one day, but I want it to be with you and I can’t do that if I’m still an-” he pauses. 

Dean starts shushing him, “Then don’t be- Don’t be an angel. Forget it all. It’s okay Cas to want that, but don’t give it to these assholes.” 

Naomi starts shouting “Jack you don’t understand if you let Heaven crumble souls will be trapped. They won’t have a place to rest. Your mom she’ll-” 

“ENOUGH” Jack shouts, mojo-ing Naomi further into the wall only for her to groan out in pain. 

Dean wants to shout again to Jack, but his voice feels trapped. 

Cas whimpering breaks him out of his thoughts. Tears are leaking down Cas’s cheeks when he looks back at him, “I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing it for me... for you... So one day we can both come up to Heaven, for good.” 

Dean falls silent for a second, grabbing at Cas’ hands to hold, “Cas you don’t… you don’t have to do that.” 

Cas is crying harder, his eyes filled to the brim with water “I just want to stop the pain.” 

Dean’s gripping onto Cas’s arm as if the man is going to fly away and this will stop him, “Cas. Castiel! What pain!?” 

Cas looks at him blankly, but then his eyes soften “I saw-” then he starts to cough. Dean shushes him “Breathe. It’s okay…” 

They wait out Cas’s coughing fit, Dean trying not to panic as he can feel the shake under his feet getting stronger. 

Cas continues to cough but slowly gasps out, “I saw in your...” he points to Dean's forehead. 

Dean grimaces, “Cas if you saw something in my head that you didn’t want to… I don’t blame you for leaving. Human’s sometimes think things y’know- fantasies or situations they wish they could have.” 

Cas’s coughing fit slows to a stop as he tilts his head to look at Dean, that confused head tilt that Dean was certain he would never see again. He chuckles because he’s already crying and doesn’t know what else to do, “Cas why? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Cas licks his chapped lips, “Dean no. I saw, pain. Pain that I was causing. You hated me cause I was an angel… and I knew what I wanted for so long but that moment, I realized... it was time. When we kissed I knew we couldn’t… me being an angel you being human. But I know what I felt, what I still do. It made it clearer that I wanted to become human, not just enjoy parts of it. But then I saw the pain of me being an angel and what it was doing to you. I knew right then I wanted to get rid of my grace but then I couldn’t! And all I wanted was to come back to you and Jack. But it wouldn’t leave and I didn’t understand!” 

“Cascascascascascas. Castiel!” Dean shushes before the guy has another coughing fit “I’m sorry your grace got tied up within me. It’s not fair that it tied us together but— okay fine. Maybe I was beating myself a bit, repressing some shit but I’m getting over that. I was in a bad place then Cas. I figured you didn’t feel the same way I did because you were an angel. So I blamed it on that. But the hate, the pure disgust, that wasn’t me hating you. It was me hating myself for falling in love with an Angel.” 

Now Dean frowns. He runs a hand over his face, and definitely doesn’t focus on the stunned look Cas gives him in return. Dean can’t look at him, so he looks at his hands that are covering Cas’ “That’s what I’ve been repressing. I didn’t think you could love me back for what you are. And maybe that was a deflection, so I wouldn’t get hurt in case you really didn’t feel the same. But I’m so sorry Cas you felt that. That out of everything up here” he points at his head “That you could feel my anger more than my love for you.” 

Cas is blinking at him, it’s like the old dick bag Cas who knew nothing. And oh how far they’ve come from that. Dean’s experienced every version of Cas and he’s fallen in love with each and every one of them. And the way Cas’s face suddenly softens, Dean’s certain he feels the same. But he waits, holding tightly onto Cas’s hands. The warning siren continues to blare. Dean waits for a response. And Jack lets go of Naomi. 

“Jack what are you doing!” Dean shouts. 

“Saving my parents” Jack replies. 

“Jack-” Cas says hoarsely. 

Jack stands taller, “I rather be human than have you both be separated again. This- this will make sure of that.” 

Dean sputters, “Jack don’t give these assholes what they’re wanting okay! They always get their way and they still manage to fuck it up.” 

“No! NO!” Naomi screams “I refuse to do this bargaining anymore!” She sounds nothing like her usual kept together self. “I promise you- no I swear to you, on my Father's life that this is the LAST you will hear from me— from any Angel. I CANNOT let Heaven die. This is our home and this home is the protection to everyone who deserves to be at peace.” 

Jack looks over at Dean, flashing him distressed eyes and well Dean knows they’re running out of time, that this is their last chance at saving anything. 

“Fine. Let's hear the terms of the agreement” Dean shouts. 

Naomi genuinely looks like a mess, she’s shaking, her suit unbuttoned in disarray, her hair disheveled. But she stumbles over to Sam’s body and touches his forehead. He gasps awake. 

“SAM!” Dean yells, he wants to run over to Sam but he’s still sitting on Cas’ bed. Holding on to his hands and Dean cannot, in good nature let go right now. 

Jack though runs over and helps Sam stand. Jack whispers something to him then both of them giving reassuring nods as they all stare at Naomi. 

She standing in between all of them, her hands clasped in front of her as she looks at each of them. 

“The deal is… Castiel, Jack will put back your grace from Dean. You will heal fully and then it can be extracted. Jack will destroy it. You will have no ties to Heaven whats so ever. Jack will also give up his grace it will remain powering Heaven for eternity. He will become fully human and he will owe Heaven nothing. All four of you will be welcomed into Heaven when it is your time.” She pauses, turning to face them specifically “All of you will be free to roam between each others Heavens. All I ask is for Jack to hand over his Grace and I will send you all back down to earth without even a scratch. ” 

Dean turns to Cas who’s smiling even though he’s in so much pain. Dean squeezes his hand tighter “Is this… what you want?” 

Cas still hasn’t responded to Dean’s confession, but he’ll take saving Cas over anything right now “All I want is forever with you.” 

“And you’ll have that Castiel. I’ll make sure of it. You have my absolute word” Naomi interjects. Dean looks over at Jack and Sam. Dean feels horrible, he doesn’t want Jack to have to give up anything especially for them. He and Cas were supposed to protect him, help him, not the other way around. Dean’s already asked too much of him, this- this is insane. Dean will spend his life repaying Jack and that still won’t be enough. 

“Jack are you sure?” Dean asks. 

Jack walks over to both of them, giving them each their own hopeful smile “Absolutely.” 

Dean looks down at Cas, who’s still thin and barely hanging on but has tears leaking from his eyes. 

Dean leans forward and wipes them away with his thumb. 

“I love you Dean” Cas whispers only to him. 

“I know” Dean feels tears roll down his cheeks. 

Cas grins “The Leia to my Han” and god Dean doesn’t think we could love more. He laughs as he kisses Cas’s cheek “I love you so much Cas.” 

Dean leans back and gives Jack the nod. Carefully Jack puts his fingers on their foreheads. A blast of white fills the room. When Dean looks back down, Cas is fully himself again. 

“Cas” Dean croaks. Cas feels over his body before springing into Dean’s arms. Dean almost falls off the bed but holds him tight. 

“Jack now!” Naomi yells. Dean looks up the last thing he sees is Jack holding a ball of blue light and then there’s nothing. 

~ 

When Dean awakes, it’s with a large gasp. He opens his eyes wide to see three pairs staring back at him. The looks of relief scare him more. 

“What?” He asks. 

“Jesus Christ” Sam sighs out loud. Jack is hugging him tight and Cas- holy fuck Cas, is looking right at him with all the relief in the world. 

“Can someone tell me what's going on?” Dean barks. 

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Jack says, still hugging him. 

“What?! How long have I been out?!” He moves his head to see that he’s in his bed. The last thing he remembers is being in Heaven, Cas fully healed and Jack holding a light. 

“You’ve been out for about 5 hours. I think it had to do with taking the grace out of your body. You needed some rest that’s all” Cas says off to his side, he’s petting Dean’s hair and nothing has felt better. 

“Yeah but the both of you-” Sam’s voice drips with haste “were freaking out cause neither of you know how to act without powers. You've both lost your grace before I really don't-" Sam sighs "never mind. Not worth it." 

“Sorry Sam,” Cas says. 

“Yeah sorry, Sam” Jack echoes. 

Dean sits up to see Sam standing off to the side of the bed “It’s fine- just you both are gonna have a lot to learn.” 

“Isn’t this nice” Dean mocks “Happy family again but this time, human edition.” 

“Still feels weird,” Jack says. 

“You’ll get used to it kiddo” Dean replies. 

They all fall silent, Dean only lifting his head to look at Cas. Both of them having so much to say but not knowing where to start. But Jack breaks them out of it “Are you two okay?” 

Dean lets a smile grow as he looks at Cas return his own “Yeah I think so.” 

“I got everything I wanted” Cas adds, grabbing at Dean’s hand. Jack looks so overjoyed and relieved “Ugh it’s about time.” 

“Tell me about it” Sam snorts. 

They all let out their own little chuckle but Dean clears his throat “I have to thank you, Jack. For everything, you’ve done, for me- for us. I’m so sorry you had to get rid of your grace, I’ll spend every day trying to repay you for that but really thank you, Jack.” 

“Yeah what your dad said” Cas retorts, his hand intertwining with Dean’s. 

Jack howls with laughter before attacking them both in hugs “If I didn’t know you two were soulmates I would still consider it so.” 

Cas whips his head to look at Dean “We really should talk… about that.” 

Dean feels his blood run cold “Shouldn’t you and Jack talk first maybe?” 

Jack shakes his head “We have been. For 5 hours.” 

“Oh, right,” Dean says quietly. 

“Hey Jack” Sam calls “Why don’t we go call your aunt Jody. Give her the good news.” 

“Sure!” Jack replies with a grin but not before hugging Dean and Cas again “So happy to have you both back” Then he’s skipping off. Literally. 

Dean mouths “Thank you” at Sam as Sam says “Glad to have you both back” then shuts the door. 

The second Dean hears the click of the knob, Dean turns to pull Cas in for a kiss. It’s desperate and apologetic and sincere. He pushes Cas down into the mattress as Cas kisses him back, his hands rubbing at Dean’s waist as Dean holds him so so tight. 

They break apart, with Dean’s forehead resting on Cas’ and then they only breathe for a few moments. 

“You know-” Cas whispers “That’s what triggered my grace being bound to you.” 

“I figured as much” Dean shrugs, kissing him again. Just cause he can. But then Cas starts speaking “I was so confused why I couldn’t get it to leave, but they saw how badly I wanted it gone. They promised me they could help and I went with them when they realized what was happening. That my grace was stuck, they were also at a loss. But then you prayed to me and I felt everything. I knew and I was so stupid to think the Angels could help when really all I needed was you. But by that time it was too late” Cas avoids Dean’s gaze for a moment but not when he says “I’m sorry Dean, for leaving like that. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve said something but I-” 

“Hey. I understand now but Cas… I won’t lie. We were a mess without you, you don’t understand how much Jack needs you. How much I need you. You going off like that-” Dean exhales averting his gaze. but Cas grabs his cheeks. Forcing Dean to look at him “I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I will never leave you. That as much as you need me, I need you.” 

Dean feels tears stream down his cheeks, Cas wipes them away “Still an effect from the grace. It’ll pass eventually.” 

Dean snorts with a laugh “Dammit Cas did you cry like every day or something. I’ve never cried this much in my life.” 

“Certainly felt like it. I missed you, I missed Jack and Sam but I… I knew I couldn’t come back unless I was human. You’re… head. All of that. It messed with me and—” 

“Cas I’m so sorry.” 

Cas kisses him again, this one softer and tender his hand sliding over Dean’s stubble “We’re both sorry and we’re both forgiving each other.” 

Dean nods in agreement. 

They stay quiet for a few moments, breathing and looking at each other. Making sure this is real before Dean says, “Can I ask you something though?” 

Cas nods “Yes of course.” 

“Why did you say we couldn’t… When we kissed?” 

Cas lets out a long sigh and Dean can no longer hold his own body weight above Cas. So he rolls to the side of the bed, but still hugging against Cas’ side. 

“You weren’t wrong about the whole Angel-Human thing. I don’t know how it would’ve worked, cause as an Angel you do experience things differently. But I knew my love for you wouldn’t change, so becoming human was the easiest solution. I’ve felt this for so long Dean… Sometimes I wanted to become human and tell you my feelings but there was always something else. Some bigger threat we had to get through first and then. God was dead, Mary had past and you and Sam were suddenly talking about slowing down. It was the perfect time. But then it got me thinking, do I really fit in all of this? I didn’t belong to this original story, what makes me so sure that this was worth it?” 

“Cas you belong. You’ve always belonged. Next to me, regardless.” 

Cas chuckles “I know. I know that now Dean. but then, my insecurities were pointing me in dangerous directions. But learning alongside Jack, seeing what life Jack was after- it made me understand that there was more to humanity in case what I wanted… I couldn’t have.” 

Dean carefully kisses his cheek, “I’m glad you got what you wanted.” 

Cas hums, “Me too. I’m so happy Dean. I don’t know what’s next but I’ll take anything and everything as long as it’s with you.” 

“Same here Cas. We’ve only got the future ahead and it’s bright darlin’ so so bright.” 

“You think we can finish Austin Powers, it was funny.” 

Dean snorts “Of course” then pauses “I actually- I was invited into your time loop Heaven via dream once.” 

Cas freezes “Oh… yeah the Cave. Dean, I don’t think I ever said how much that meant to me. Having those nights watching countless movies with you. I really wouldn’t trade it for anything.” 

“Then we continue it.” 

Cas beams and kisses him “Best- uh.” 

“Boyfriend?” Dean tries. 

“For now” Cas smirks. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Cas kisses him tenderly “If you like it then maybe you should put a ring on it?” 

Dean raises an eyebrow “We’ll get there eventually, Agent Beyonce.” 

Cas laughs then yawns as he curls into Dean’s neck “There's so much more I wanna talk about.” 

Dean yawns too “We will. We’ve got forever remember.” 

Cas smiles into Dean’s neck, “I like the sound of that.” 


	2. Ever learn how to love you right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Tribulation by Matt Maeson but specifically the stripped version.

Cas adjusted to humanity with ease. He finally got what he wanted and he was thrilled to be living the life he dreamed of. Right off the get-go Sam helped him make some documents of his own— passport, drivers license, healthcare card and even signed him up to vote. Sam had asked him what he wanted for a last name and he had turned to Dean saying, “Can I put something else for now?” 

Dean’s heart hammered, “keyword being: for now” he had said before pulling at Cas’ waist to kiss his cheek. Sam had rolled his eyes “what would you like then Cas?” 

Cas hummed, “Can you put Kline? Jack’s still using it, so it makes sense. Hopefully Kelly doesn’t mind.” 

Dean kissed his cheek again, squeezing him tighter “I think she would be honored.” Cas had only beamed back. 

Jack also had no problem adjusting, he honestly thrived more without his powers. Living life to the fullest. Going back to school, diving into his studies, building friendship, going on weekend trips, being in love, swimming, hiking, knitting. The whole works, Jack was doing all of it. Dean, Cas and Sam weren’t sure if they’d ever see him again. But family was very important to Jack, and still is. He calls and texts daily, acting like things never really changed. 

While Dean had asked Cas what he wanted. He wasn’t sure yet. He wanted this life and he wanted Dean but after that his plans became fuzzy. “Let’s see if we can find someone to help?” Cas had said. Dean took that and ran with it. Finding them cases to work on like nothing had changed. 

But it had. Their relationship… it was kinda confusing at first. From being a part of each others lives for so long, figuring out how to ‘be together’ was an unknown territory. It was awkward at first, unsure who was comfortable with what and Cas kind of struggled with the no mind reading thing. They had a few tense moments, some heated arguments but in the end they always managed to talk it out. 

They got the hang of being able to touch each other whenever, they were getting better at PDA (Cas loved being able to hold Dean’s hand) and they had no problem now sharing a bed. Dean felt so lucky to wake up every morning to Cas snoring next to him. Only spending a few minutes watching him before proceeding to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. 

Sam liked to pester him about it, seeing how happy Dean was for once in his life. He radiated this glow as Sam had said and Dean flipped him off. But genuinely Sam couldn’t be happier, for the both of them. That is until they would start kissing a little to heavily in public space and Sam would beeline it out of the room. 

But as time continued on, Sam started not being around much. It started off slowly a few days here 

and there he’d be missing. Dean and Cas would stick around the bunker, then when he got back they’d go on a hunt. 

Now though, Sam would be gone for weeks at a time. He and Jody became more serious as time ticketed on and Dean couldn’t just hang around and wait. So Dean and Cas started hunting on their own, and they enjoyed every second of it. Getting to know Cas in a different way than before. Dean was sure he knew everything about him, but he learned quickly he didn’t. The rough feeling of his hands, the gruff sound of his voice in the morning, the way he coughed and how much of a whining toddler he became during his first common cold. 

They enjoy their time together, hunting or not. They were finally experiencing something they both had wanted for so long. Dean felt the need to pinch himself every morning. 

Dean was a little worried from the beginning that maybe they would still have run ins with apocalyptic scenarios but nothing ever arose. And with Sam gone now most days, Dean and Cas decided to only look into local cases. Things that would have them back in their own beds in less than 48 hours, so that kept them at home more often than not. 

They had movies nights daily (there was still a lot that Cas hadn’t seen) but Cas loved to use the internet. He loved to find things for him and Dean to do. They’d go to farmers markets and get fresh fruits and veggies. There was a new brewery opening in Lawrence so they went to check it out (Dean was all over that) Cas even got them out hiking and the view of the top of rolling hills. Sure Dean complained, hiking? For sport? He would much rather pass but Cas had done all this work. So off they went, a trek that was about an hour on foot and made it to the top just before sunset. 

The view was absolutely stunning, rolling hills that seemed to go on forever. The sun disappearing over the horizon with a mix of yellow and oranges. If Dean was more prepared he would’ve proposed to Cas right then and there. Instead, he had snapped a few photos of the orange and pink sky, before gesturing for Cas to put his head next to his. In the camera their heads were almost pure silhouettes but Dean kissed him on the cheek as Cas’ face scrunched up. He snapped a quick picture before Dean was kissing him properly and snapped another. He never thought he was the corny-romantic type, but he’s had a collaged of both photos as his lock screen ever since. 

Dean couldn’t believe he actually got what he wanted. If this life as taught him anything, it was that he would never have a normal life and yet he was getting some part of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. 

The good was all the above. The bad was Sam showing up to the bunker at 2am. Pounding on the front door in the pouring rain. Dean and Cas were in bed-- making up for lost time. 

So Dean was fully prepared to get a mouth full when he opened the door, looking freshly fucked with red marks over his throat. 

But Sam said nothing. He was sopping wet as he grumbled his way to his old room and slammed the door. 

Cas was standing in only boxers by Dean’s door, also looking like a hot mess. Dean wanted to go back to him oh so bad, but instead he waved at Cas to go to sleep. While he went and got the whiskey from the kitchen. 

The sun was coming up by the time their conversation had lulled. Sam pissed cause he and Jody had broken up over some stupid argument, he couldn’t even remember about what. Dean felt for him he really did. He was sure Jody was it for Sam but alas sometimes life isn’t fair that way. 

Dean held Cas closer that night and Cas could sense his concern. 

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked. 

Dean shook his head “Just- thinking.” 

“Come on we said we weren’t gonna hold back anymore.” 

Dean bit at his lip “Promise me you won’t leave. Even if our fights are so bad and you can’t stand me anymore. Just don’t leave.” 

Cas pulled him closer “Never. I’ll never leave you.” 

A week had passed and Sam was still wallowing, when Claire had called Dean saying she had a case for him and Cas if they wanted. He told her that Sam was back too, that apparently he and Jody broke up. She had told him she didn’t know. They both ended the conversation confused but Dean never told Sam that. 

The three of them all packed it up in the Impala but Cas got shotgun now. Sam had objected of course “Dean I’ve owned that passenger seat since before Cas was around! I can’t have it this once.” 

Dean snorted “He said no blow jobs for a week if I didn’t-” 

And then Sam was already opening the back door and sitting down. 

“Told ya it’d work” Cas winked. 

Dean kissed his cheek “He would curb stomp me if I said the truth.” 

“Which is?” Cas grinned 

Dean rolled his eyes “That you’re better company.” 

Cas laughed “say it once more just do I know.” 

Dean rolled his eyes and kissed him before walking to the drivers side. 

And the ugly, was much worse. 

It was supposed to be a relatively small hunt. Some lone vampire in the woods of southern Nebraska. But as quick as they were hoping to be done, it quickly turned sour. 

Cas was taken hostage by other vampires. Ones that they hadn’t seen before. Dean realizing that this had been a trap all along. 

Dean literally didn’t breath the whole rescue mission. It took some careful planning and risky moves to lure the vampires out of their den. Sam almost breaking his leg running in the woods as Dean was in the middle of untying Cas from a chair. He was unconscious, they had fed on him and Dean felt sick to his stomach. 

Sam was gone for hours well Dean carefully poured drops of water into Cas’ mouth, hoping he’d swallow on it and not choke. He waited till the last second before Dean knew he had to get Cas to a hospital before Sam finally appeared from the bushes clutching his side. He struggled to the door, but did eventually get inside. Sliding in the back seat hissing “DRIVE!” as Dean went speeding off. 

They didn’t understand where everything went wrong, we’re they really off their game that much? Dean was lucky he got away with a minor concussion and a few deep scrapes. Sam was still in surgery, having a bullet taken out of his kidney. And Cas was next to Dean, laying in a hospital bed— just like he had been in Heaven. Instead this time he was getting a blood transfusion because he was human. Dean held his hand and Cas woke periodically and squeezed back. 

Dean cried again for the first time in months, he almost lost Cas and Sam for good. No do overs this time, they were out of those long ago. 

Dean had called Jack to let him know what happened. It was middle of May, school was done for the summer and Jack had gone to Australia with his boyfriend Gabe to meet his family. He’d been there almost three weeks now, staying for another three. Dean told him to stay, that they were gonna be okay and that there was nothing he could do. After that he called Jody, even if they weren’t together she would still want to know. 

She ended up driving five hours straight. Only to come speeding in to meet up with Dean and a groggy, but awake Cas. They all hugged, cried and chatted before Sam was wheeled out, sleeping and sedated but on the mend to make a full recovery. 

Cas looked at Dean from his bed, Dean hadn’t left him alone for more than a half an hour since he woke up. “Honey why are you crying?” Cas whispered tenderly. He reached out to wipe at Dean’s tears but it only made Dean’s tear fall faster. 

“Because I realize— this life… it isn’t... for us anymore.” Cas’ eyes widened “For good?” 

Dean nodded “I never want to see you in a hospital again” Dean sobbed and Cas understood. He said nothing else but petted at Dean’s hair and made sure Dean knew he was there. 

The following morning Dean went to check on Sam only to see Jody feeding him ice chips. Jody smiled and Sam tried too, but still grimaced in pain. 

“Good to see you awake” Dean said. 

“Feel like crap” Sam added. 

“Yeah I don’t doubt it” Then he looked over at Jody and she nodded with a smile. They were okay, or they would be okay. That’s all Dean needed. 

“Hey listen- I know you’re in no shape to want to talk about this but—” “Dean I’m done” Sam croaked. 

He froze. Wasn’t expecting that to come from Sam’s mouth so quickly but his tone was certain. He had put a lot of thought into it. 

Dean rubbed at his face, “Us too. Me and Cas. He’s getting one last check over and then he’s free to go. We’re- we’re gonna head back to the bunker, clean it out and drive. Not sure where but somewhere. And you… you’re—?” 

“I’m going with Jody” He stated. 

Jody once again smiled up at Dean “I’ll take good care of him.” 

Dean nodded, “I know. You two are good for each other. It’s strange but this— it’s new beginning for all of us.” 

“This isn’t goodbye Dean” Sam said. 

“No. No it certainly isn’t” Dean walked slowly closer to the bed, crouching to be at Sam’s level “We had a hell of a time Sammy. We did what we could and I wouldn’t change any of it for a second.” 

“Me either Dean.” 

They both were silent, Dean knew Sam was crying like he was. Hiding tears behind coughs and groans. 

“I love you baby brother. You’ll always be the most important thing to me.” 

“Love you too Dean. You’ll always be a pain in my ass.” 

“Jerk.” 

“Bitch.” 

Dean tapped at his shoulder, not wanting to hurt him anymore than he already was but it was met with earnest eyes. They chatted aimlessly about Sam’s diagnosis and his recovery schedule before Cas was wheeled in by a nurse, clutching his few personal items. Dean was by his side in an instant, helping him to his feet. 

“You doing alright?” Dean asked quietly. 

“I’ll be fine Dean. Thank you.” 

Hugs were passed around and then it was time. The temporary goodbyes were hard, but it was for the best. Cas held onto Dean’s hand as they left the hospital together, then sat in the Impala, breathing. 

On a sunny Tuesday morning in a hospital of the smallest town in Nebraska. Dean and Sam Winchester officially retired from hunting. 

~ 

It didn’t take long for them to pack up their things. It took longer for them to finally say goodbye to the bunker for good. The place had become home for some time now and it brought so much comfort. Dean finally having his own room, the Dean cave, the garage. Hell even the water pressure, Dean will miss. 

Only good memories come to mind when Dean thinks about it. Parties with alternate universe hunters, binging TV shows with Charlie, Mom trying to cook but burning most of dinner. Moments Dean will never, ever forget but that’s what makes it special. Made it theirs. And now he and Cas were standing in front of Claire and Kaia. 

Dean struggled to get the words out, instead handed Claire the key. 

“Wait are you serious?!” she gasped. 

“You both have been doing the on the run thing for so long. It’s nice to have a place to call home” Dean said finally. 

“Take care of it though. Sure it’s fun and all, but it's a responsibility too” Cas said. 

“Yeah don’t make me regret it” Dean said. 

Claire and Kaia hugged them both, promising they would be absolutely responsible. And Dean was surprised that he trusted both of them to take care of the place. 

It took some time for Dean and Cas to show them around, but in the end it was a relief that the bunker wouldn’t stay empty. It was getting passed on, as the Men of Letters had always planned on. 

Dean was glad to be upholding that tradition. 

~ 

They ended up driving south through Texas, then west towards New Mexico and then north to California. They stopped when they wanted, ate what they wanted, did whatever people were supposed to do on a road trip. They’d been to these states countless times but never really got to appreciate the beauty in each of them. Cas was always researching for the next thing for them to do, finding the littlest towns that had so much to give. Cas found the best places for pie and Dean always thoroughly thanked him for his hard work. 

They also kept up with Sam and Jody. Making sure that Sam was doing okay and that Jody wasn’t ready to ship him back off to Dean. But no, they were doing fine. Sam was up and walking again, Jody had gone back to work. They were easing into some kind of normalcy for them both. Dean was happy for them. 

When they made their way up through California (by-passing LA) Jack was back home. When they phoned him up to say they were in the area, he could not keep his excitement in check. 

Jack and Gabe moved into a bigger apartment a little bit further off campus before heading off to Australia for the past month. Dean pulled up along the street, Cas looking out the window at the address. 

“Is this the right building?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah it is. Do you see- oh there he is” Cas paused. 

Jack was bouncing impatiently in the glass elevator, when he spotted the Impala he started pushing buttons thinking it would help it go faster. 

Dean snorted as he left the car, Cas waiting with his hand outstretched for Dean. Dean took it, intertwining their fingers. Cas smiled at him and Dean returned it. 

“This is nice” Cas said. 

“Is this what normal people do?” Dean questioned. 

“See their kids? Yes Dean they do.” 

Dean couldn’t help grinning as he elbowed Cas in annoyance. 

Jack flew out of the doors, running at them with open arms “You guys are actually here!” 

He hugged Cas first and then Dean, squeezing them tight. 

“Sorry it’s been so long Jack” Cas apologized. 

Jack shook his head “It means we can appreciate the time we do have together.” 

Dean shook Jack’s hair “Yeah kid. College has gone and made you super wise huh.” 

“I’ve only finished my first year” Jack scoffed “Much more time for me to become wiser than you!” he teased. 

“Hey!” Dean just ruffled his hair more. 

The noise of someone clearing their throat alerted them all. Dean looked past Jack to see a tall, dark haired man standing there with deep dimple outlining his grin. If Prince Eric wasn’t a cartoon, the man in front of him could be him. 

“Jack?” Prince Eric said. 

“OH oh! Right! Sorry honey” Jack stirred frankly grabbing at the mans hand pulling him closer “Dean. Cas. This is my boyfriend, Gabe. Gabe these are my dads.” 

“Nice to meet you both finally” Gabe said with a thick Aussie accent. 

Dean watched as Cas shook the mans hand “Nice to meet you as well. We’ve heard alot about you, nice to put the face to the name.” 

“My pleasure. I’m also very glad to see you well” Gabe added sincerely. 

Cas’ face softened “Thats very kind of you. But I do have to apologize, I know it wasn’t easy on Jack.” Cas said as he fixed Jack’s messy hair that Dean made. 

Gabe nodded “Nonsense. He cares and that’s what makes him very special.” 

They all paused before Dean was sticking his hand out “I’m Dean by the way.” 

“Right yes. Nice to meet you too. First impressions aren’t my greatest skill.” 

Cas cocked his head at Dean “Neither are his. He stabbed me the first time we met.” 

“Hey!” Dean croaked as the rest laugh. 

“What?!” Gabe gasped. 

“Should we head inside?” Jack offered quickly grabbing Gabe’s hand to pull him inside. 

Dean could hear Jack whispering to Gabe “It was a work thing. They met on the job.” Dean snorted to himself before looking at Cas “Can’t believe that’s how we met. You were such a tool.” 

“Not like you were any better” Cas side eyed him before grabbing his hand. 

“Yeah true. Guess we needed each other to figure out we were better than that.” 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way” Cas carefully pressed his lips to Dean’s before the headed inside. 

They all have a nice peaceful dinner talking about both of their trips. They gave Jack the full update on Sam, blaming it on a work accident gone wrong. All three of them are retired agents according to Gabe, all these cases are NDA signed so they can’t talk about it much. But luckily 

enough Gabe didn’t seem all that interested. 

“What did you say you were studying?” Dean asked. 

“Astrophysics. Aiming to work for NASA” He grinned. 

Dean almost choked on his water “Wow that’s- you must be ridiculously smart.” 

Gabe laughed “Book smart maybe. Street smart, not so much. That’s how me and Jack met. Did he ever tell you guys?” 

Cas looked at Dean “Out of everything we’d heard that wasn’t one of them.” 

Jack started blushing as Gabe encouraged him to speak “Gabe was the delivery guy at the smoothie shop where Sebastian, my old roommate worked. I’d only been at school for a week and then Seb left his keys one morning and asked if I could bring them over. When I got there, Gabe was leaning against his truck waiting for Seb to open the doors. I wanted to make sure Seb was okay before Gabe asked me a few questions. Who I was. If I went to Stanford. If I liked cinnamon rolls. Then he asked me if I wanted to walk down the street to grab one. I told him I only just met him. That he’s a stranger and could have bad intentions.” 

Gabe interjected, “I didn’t realize what I had done till he spelt it out for me. I felt so stupid but I really was only being friendly and I thought he was cute. Plus Seb knew me pretty well I thought maybe he’d have mentioned me to the dashing roommate.” 

Jack blushed as Gabe smiled at him “Anyways, he asked for my number. I gave it to him. We texted a bit. Then actually the night you guys were in town. Gabe gave Seb a box of fresh cinnamon buns from a local place. Said it was an apology for being creepy. We hung out a few times after that and the rest is just kind history” Jack got this dopey eyed grin as he looked at Gabe. 

Dean knews that look, he’d given it to Cas millions of times. Even when they weren’t anything, most times he hoped Cas wouldn’t catch him but the odd time he wished he would. It’s a fond look, like the person is holding your heart in their pocket. Dean couldn’t be happier for the kid. 

“That’s actually really sweet” Cas said with a grin. 

“Very rom-com-esque” Dean mused. 

The conversation changed a bit from there but not before long when Dean felt he could speak up “Jack have you given thought to what you want your major to be?” 

“Actually! I have” He bounced “I decided I want to be a teacher” he smiled. 

“Oh Jack that’s perfect for you” Cas says gleefully. 

“It makes sense and it’s something I feel passionate about. So why not right?” 

“That’s awesome Jack. I’m happy for you” Dean smiled, taking a sip of his craft Califorian beer. It isn’t that bad considering some of the wack stuff he’d tasted before. 

“What about you guys thought? What’s next?” 

“Huh?” Dean questioned. 

“Where are you two off too next? Any plans?” 

Dean looked at Cas “Um. We’re not too sure…?” 

“Haven’t discussed it really, kind of went where ever the road took us.” 

Cas looks at Dean with a look of worry. They never discussed any real future plans, only getting away from hunting was the biggest obstacle. Now that they were over that hump, now what? 

“If there was anything you could do what would it be?” Jack asked. 

Dean looked at Cas. Both of them trying to get a read on each other. 

“I’ve- I’ve always kind of wanted to learn new things. Going to school sounds- interesting” Cas said solemnly well Dean gave him a interested look. “I didn’t know you wanted to go to school?” 

“It crossed my mind once or twice” Cas shrugged. 

“What about you Dad?” Jacks voice broke his thoughts. 

Dean looked at Cas “I’ve always wanted to open my own bar.” 

Cas nodded knowing that-that made sense for him. 

Gabe swallowed his bite of food “Actually. A friend of mine, her parents are selling their establishment in San Fran. It was a restaurant but with some elbow grease I’m sure you could switch it up.” 

Dean felt his pulse quicken. 

“Jack didn’t you say you have family there?” Gabe added. 

Jack shot a glance at Cas who calmly said “Um no, Aunt Naomi moved to Italy in January.” 

“Oh well still? I could put you in contact with them if you have actual interest?” 

Dean whipped his head to look at Cas’ beaming eyes “You should at least find out? If it’s worth checking out. If that’s what you really want?” 

“And what about you?” 

Jack cut in “Dad there’s some great night classes at school. I could show some of them on the website?” 

Dean once again finds Cas’ eyes, they’re both radiating the same excitement. A life, together. 

Finally. 

“Yeah I’ll take their number Gabe.” 

~ 

Mary’s was booming. It had been 9 months since the conversation with Gabe. 8 since he bought the place. And 5 since he opened the doors. 

People had been coming from all over to taste the deep fried bacon that made headlines on social media over a month ago. Cas thought it was disgusting the first time Dean had made it. Said he tweaked the recipe from his fried chicken and added more love. Cas had rolled his eyes at that. 

But now Cas brings his books on week nights that isn’t karaoke nights (thursday and saturdays) to sit up at the bar and study. He began the fall semester full time, majoring in history. Because of course he’s curious in just how much people really know about their pasts. Sure he knows a lot but he’d never tell them any different unless he could find proof to dispute it. 

He loves every second of it and Dean doesn’t mind listening to Cas ramble on about something he finds interesting. He of course telling Dean bits and pieces of what isn’t documented, because Cas was there. Through all of it and that amazes Dean everytime Cas opens his mouth. 

They now live in San Fran full time in an apartment above the bar. A space to call their own. They also were happy to be closer to Jack. Getting to spend more time with him and learn some more about Gabe. 

They also started making friendships with others, Dean becoming friendly with the regulars and making business deals with locals around the block. He could feel them becoming apart of the community as they were invited to dinners, bbq’s and friendly bowling night’s. (Dean sucked so bad but Cas did pretty well to keep them afloat) 

They checked in with Sam and Jody often. They had fixed up Jody’s house putting in a completely new kitchen. That was Sam’s showcase job, now he’s on a crew that does renovations. He seems to enjoy it and it pays the bills, Dean never would’ve thought he was much of a handy guy. But he guesses everyone has their secrets. Sam and Jody also make monthly visits to the girls in the bunker. Claire got a dog named Bobby and Dean laughed so hard the first time he heard that he almost fell off his chair. 

Sam had offered countless time’s to come help Dean with reno’s of the bar but Dean was adamant he was fine on his own. But on week 4 of reconfiguring the kitchen and Dean almost flooding the place, Cas demanded that he call his brother. 

Sam brought along a guy named Lewis from his crew and the three of them plus the two guys Dean hired, got the whole kitchen reconfigured in a week. Lewis flew home a day later but Sam wanted to hang around. He hadn’t seen Dean and Cas in person in almost 10 months. It was nice to catch up, see what their new lives were looking like. He even got to meet up with Jack and Gabe, the 5 of them having a nice dinner at a local place up the road from Dean’s future bar. 

Later that same night, Cas had class so he kissed Dean goodbye and waved everyone off. Dean took Sam down to the beach to soak in some salt air and drink a beer out of brown bag. Looking across the ocean as the sun was setting. 

“I’m going to propose to Jody when I get back” Sam had blurted. Like he had been holding it in the last 8 days. 

Dean hugged him and wished him the absolute best. He knew he was making the right choice. 

Sam called three days later from home saying “She said yes!” Dean and Cas were elated for them. 

But then Dean couldn’t get it out of his head for a while, that maybe it was time. Cas had caught him being weird for a week after that news and told him straight up “I don’t need a ring or a document to show how much I love you. If you want too then that is your choice but I don’t need anything, only you.” 

And they left it at that. 

But then the bar opened a month later on Halloween and he put those thoughts behind him. Too 

busy to think properly as days past, people passed through, reviews were written, bills to keep up with. To busy to think about life, past or present or future. But three weeks later he had a lean, on the taller side woman dressed in black move her way in and take a seat at the bar. Asking Dean with a gruff voice if he knew where she could find an Angel. Dean hadn’t had a plan for this at all, so it threw him off completely. That is until he could see the red hair peaking out under her baseball cap. 

“Charlie?” He questioned. 

“Dammit! I really thought I had you” She took off her sunglasses, zipped down her hoodie and took her hat off. Dean was frozen at the sight of her, unsure if she was actually real. 

Cas walked from around back and gasped “CHARLIE?” 

“ya it’s me you idiots who don’t know how to text a girl once in a while!” 

Cas stepped around the bar to pull her into a hug, Dean followed still mighty stunned. 

“I got an email from Sam with a wedding invite?! I didn’t know you guys had quit? I called him right away, he sent me a link to your Instagram page. Very nice marketing by the way.” 

“When? When did you get here?” Dean said still shocked and holding her tight. She will always be the little sister he never wanted. 

“Yesterday actually. I drove up from Silicon Valley. Was there for a conference when Sam’s email came through.” 

“Wow lucky us” Dean beamed “Can I get you something? It’s on the house” 

Cas took a seat next to her well she only asked for water “Long day of learning. I’m finally getting back into the tech world, feeling more open to it after all these years.” 

“That’s really good Charlie.” 

“I’m so boring compare to you guys. Look at this place— this is amazing. I definitely gave you a follow by the way.” 

Dean gestured his arms around “Yeah it just kinda fell into my lap. Cas is taking online night classes. We’ve got our son Jack at Stanford.” 

“Son?! Sam mentioned something but he told me to find out for myself- wait are you two-” 

Cas reached across the bar and grabbed at Dean’s hand “disgustingly in love?” Cas finished for her. 

“Yeah we are” Dean commented. 

“Holy shit. Finally. I didn’t know if the eye fucking was an Angel thing and Dean happened to pick it up but. Wow this really. Wow.” 

“Yeah we can’t believe it either” Dean grinned at Cas who smiled back. 

“So how long?” She asked 

“It’ll be a year in December,” Dean answered. 

“And you’re not?” She motioned to Cas. 

“Nope. Same with our son, Jack. He was- and also isn’t anymore. He’s 23, big nerd, an actual teddy bear you’d love him.” 

“Pictures? Please tell me you have pictures!” 

Cas takes his phone out and hands it to her, she swipes through aweing at most of them. Dean took the moment to really be thankful for his life. 

“Wait so you guys have all this and you two aren’t hitched?” 

Cas shakes his head before Dean can even get a word out “I know what we mean to one another. I gave Dean the choice and if one day he wants that. I am all for it.” 

“I’m just shocked you two aren’t already with Mr. Big Sap over here” 

Dean throws an ice cube at her “maybe I’m trying to keep the element of surprise.” 

“Dean, you past that threshold like 4 years before you even came out to me” Charlie adds, brush herself off. 

“And?” 

“Just make your man a Winchester, Winchester!” 

They drop that topic shortly after and finish off the night when Charlie begins to yawn. They send her away with hugs and promises to keep in touch. But they’ll for sure see each other at the wedding in March. 

And here they were 9 months after opening date, Dean had left the bar in the hands of Mikayla his snarky but trustful assistant manager. Well he and Cas traveled from San Francisco to Sioux Falls, they hadn’t been on a road trip like this since their hunting days. Crazy that it would almost be a year since they threw in the towel. But Dean was grateful that they made that choice, the life he had now was amazing. He felt so blessed to be given the opportunities he had. On top of that, having Cas at his side all the time. Them living this life together that Dean ached for, for so long. He wouldn’t give it up for anything. 

Cas has his hand on Dean’s thigh as they drove, having passed through a bulk of the states now on the final leg up through central Nebraska. But Dean decided to take a another turn which got him a odd glance. 

“Why’d you do that? It’ll take longer?” 

“You trust me?” 

“Well yes but-” 

Dean smiles at him “Then just wait.” 

They drove along the highways, watching the trees and hills zip by. The scuffs of snow still patches on the ground, but the sun shown so brightly with crystal clear blue sky. It was a perfect day. 

It was about an hour later that Dean finally pulled over onto a gravel road. Cas still shooting him odd glances, “Just hang on. Almost there.” 

Dean turned the bend and shit-- if Sam didn’t send him pictures he wouldn’t have believe it period. 

But now, sitting in front of it, he couldn’t believe the barn was still standing after all this time. 

He looked over at Cas to see if there was any recollection of this place. His eyes were wide and glassy, his mouth slightly parted as he stared ahead “I’ve. I’ve been here before.” 

Dean presses his lips together “You have yes.” 

“I’m not sure I fully remember.” 

Dean pulls the keys from the ignition “lets go look around.” 

They both exit the car, Dean coming up next to Cas to hold his hand. It’s chilly out with the wind, so it’s a good thing they’re both in their coats. Dean’s in his signature navy zip up. And Cas in the same style, but with less pockets and green colored. 

They walk hand in hand until coming up to the old barn, the door creaks as Dean pulls it open. He lets Cas step in before him, inside there are fairy lights hung around the inside of the barn. Glowing against the decaying wood, Cas steps in and looks at the walls. Some of the sigils are still visible, others faded. 

“This is where we first met” Cas says breathlessly, and when he turns to face Dean. The man is on one knee. Cas can’t help the little gasp that comes from his mouth. 

“Castiel. Angel of the Lord. You said to me in this very place ‘good things do happen’ and for the longest time I didn’t believe that. My life was hell Cas, you know this. You rescued me from the worst of it all and to me that makes you special. You are the good thing that happened to me Cas. I want to spend forever proving that to you” He carefully opens a black velvet box to reveal two simple silver rings “So will you do me the honor and officially become my husband?” 

Cas is falling to the ground to curl into Dean, his embrace warm and tight. Dean doesn’t realize he’s getting teary eyed till he looks at Cas’ face streaked with tears “I know. I know I said I didn’t care but Dean. Becoming a Winchester- It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” 

Dean wipes at his tears with his thumb, softening his eyes at Cas’ face “Is that a yes then?” “The biggest yes. God Dean” Cas fumbling to grab at Dean’s cheeks and kiss him thoroughly. 

They sit there, kissing, happy crying and laughing into each other’s mouths. Hearts beating with excitement and love. Eventually they get up and fit the rings onto each others hands. The weight of it on Dean’s hand will take some getting used too. He kisses Cas again, the way his stomach flips is like the first time they kissed. 

“I love you so much” Cas whispers against Dean’s lips. 

“I love you more” he replies. 

Dean slips his hand into Cas’ as they leave the barn, when they exit there’s a slew of family members all standing by the Impala. 

Sam and Jody, Jack and Gabe, Charlie and her girlfriend, Claire and Kaia, Garth and his wife, Jesse and Ceasar. Donna and her new boyfriend, Alex and Patience, all of them smiling at them widely. And for a second, Dean’s sure he can see Billie standing behind them all. Behind her is Bobby, Kevin, Mrs.Tran, Rowena, Crowley, Kelly, Adam, Jessica, Gabriel, Michael, Meg, Ruby, then Mary and John. When he blinks all of them are gone. 

“So?” Sam shouts. 

Dean looks at Cas who says, “As if I would say no.” 

Everyone cheers at the same time as they all crowd around. Giving them their well wishes and congratulations. 

When Dean finally makes it to Sam he offers his thanks “Sorry if I’m stealing your thunder this weekend. I didn’t know when we’d be back.” 

Sam shakes his head “No biggie. Really Dean. Look how happy he is— that’s worth you getting congratulations at my wedding.” 

Dean sighs as he looks at Cas who’s getting hugs from Claire and Jack. Cas pulling back to officially introduce them. Claire and Jack shake hands and Jack introduces her to Gabe as she introduces Kaia. They begin chatting as Cas meets Dean’s eyes. He walks over to him with purpose, kissing him on the mouth whispering “Thank you for being my good thing too.” 

~ 

Sam and Jody get married under a bright blue sky. Dean gives a speech that he’d never thought he’d see the day that Sam actually married someone. They laugh, drink and have a good time. 

Sam and Jody announce that they are adopting. Two twin girls who are 6 years old named Sadie and Hannah. They get to bring them home next month. There’s a chorus of cheers for them, Sam officially gonna be a dad. 

Dean really didn’t think he’d live to see the day. 

~ 

Dean and Cas get married on September 18th. The date that they met in the barn in 2008. They have a small ceremony in Lawrence, Kanas. Dean swears he keeps seeing all his dead relatives all day long. But they bugger off when he and Cas finally get some alone time. 

They end up honeymooning in Hawaii. Somewhere they’ve always kind of dreamt of. y’know toes in the sand, drink in hand, not a care in the world. It’s perfect and getting to show off his husband is the cherry on top. That he is in fact married to that hot piece of ass. Suck it everyone else! 

When they return back to the real world, Jack picks them up from the airport. Dean being slightly out of it from drugging himself to last the 6 hour flight. He just needs water and sleep he’ll be fine. He hugs Jack and Cas does too. Jack starts asking about how their trip was well loading their things in his jeep. All of them climbing in while Cas goes on and on and concluding about the romantic sunset dinner Dean set up for them on their last night there. 

Dean is half asleep, leaning on Cas’ shoulder when he realizes that they’ve been driving far too long to not be at the bar/apartment already. 

“Where are we Jack?” Dean asks now more coherent. 

“Well… Consider this a wedding present…” He pulls up along a curb to a white two-story victorian style house. With a porch along the front and huge windows. There’s a driveway off to the left side, bushes separate the neighbours from each other. The Impala sits there on the pavement, freshly waxed Dean can see. 

“I took good care of her while you were gone. Promise. Not a scratch. Even cleaned her and got her waxed” Jack jumps to defensive mood. 

“Best son ever” Dean mumbles a bit too loud that Cas elbows him. Jack just snorts. 

“But what- where are we?” 

Jack turns to them from the drivers seat, holding out a set of keys “Welcome home.” 

Dean looks at him, then at Cas, then at the house. Gabe is standing on the porch waving awkwardly. Dean looks back at Jack “Jack no you didn’t.” 

“Every kid dreams of buying their parents a house. I happen to have a bank account that keeps getting deposits from the President of the United States.” 

“Holy shit” Cas mumbles “Jack are you serious?” 

“You both gave me so much. I owe you both.” 

Dean opens his mouth to start protesting but Cas silences him with a hand on his thigh. “Jack we cannot accept this.” 

Jack shakes his head “too late. It’s your home. Everything you need plus it’s only 20 minutes from the bar. Everything is moved out of your upstairs apartment. I thought Cas you could use it as an office? If that museum archiver position pans out then you’re gonna need a space?” 

“Did she contact you again?” Dean whips his head in asking. 

“No just the once. But I still have the meeting with her on Friday.” 

“You’re gonna get it and you will be able to use that towards your degree.” 

Dean looks at Cas, eyes soft yet eager “The apartment can be yours. It’s closer to campus and the museum. Only when you need it of course, this can be our forever home.” 

Jack grabs at Dean’s hand and puts the keys there “It is your forever home. Come on, I wanna show you the inside. You’ll both love it.” 

Jacks half way up the sidewalk by the time Dean and Cas get the courage to leave the car. Meeting around the side to both walk up, following Jack. 

They’re met with hugs from Gabe before being lead into the house. A library office looking space is to the right as soon as you enter, it’s decorated like a mini museum. 

“This can be your official space, incase you need somewhere nicer to talk business.” 

Cas is clutching at Dean’s arm tightly. Dean doesn’t even know what to think, feeling like he’s walking through a house that belongs in a magazine. 

Across from the office space is the door to the garage, a front closet then next to that a half bath. They walk into the open space kitchen and living room. Off white counter tops matched with oak cabinets and stainless steel appliances. The counters lined with stools to sit and gather, the living room broken off by a grey comfy looking sectional. A large tv is plastered to the wall. 

“There’s every streaming service paid for a year on there” Jack adds “I know how much movie nights mean to you both.” 

Cas still hasn’t let go of Dean. Dean is thankful feeling like he would fall over if Cas let go. 

Neither of them have said anything. 

Jack walks closer to the big window next to the large dining room table. The view over looks the bay, them being high up on a hill, the lights sparkling as dusk settles over the city. This house must cost a fortune is all Dean can think. 

“Go checkout upstairs alone. We’ll relax down here” Jack smiles. They nod before heading upstairs slowly. Coming to a bonus room that has a few instruments along the wall and a couch along the opposite wall. A window parallel with the front of the house offers some light. 

“Dean this is insane.” 

“I can’t believe he did this.” 

The hallway forks off in front of the bonus room, left or right. They go left first, coming to two guest rooms with a bathroom to share. The right side has the master bedroom. It’s giant. A king size bed sits in the middle and theres still room to move around. 

The sheets are flannel with a grey and white checkered pattern. The duvet a grey color to match. 

Above the bed there’s a frame with Angel wings. But it’s done exactly the way they should be. 

Like the ones that Cas used to have on his back. 

“That’s a really sweet touch” Dean says and Cas is stunned silent. Dean rubs at his back comfortingly as he continues to look around. There's a tv facing the bed, two dressers below a set of windows. Photos are hung on the wall of Cas and Dean’s wedding. All black and white aesthetic photos. 

It’s a mix of both of them. Dean can even see a photo of baby hanging on the wall by the master bathroom. Jack is officially the best son. 

They make their way back down to the main floor and Cas immediately hugs Jack. “The painting. It’s perfect. Thank you.” 

Dean tries to see if Gabe flinches but he doesn’t. Dean’s still unsure if Jack has told him anything of the truth. But he seems to not look at them any differently than before. 

When Cas finally lets go of Jack, Dean scoops him into a hug “Thank you Jack. This is- a lot. Too much really.” 

“We’re not even done! Now for the best part. The basement!” 

Jack beckons them to follow to a staircase between the kitchen and the front office, hidden behind a door. 

“Welcome to The DeanCas Cave” he says as they step down the stairs. 

There’s a large screen along one wall, eight movie theatre type chairs face the screen. There’s a neon bar behind them along the back wall filled with different bottles. Followed by a spare bedroom and bathroom in the corner. Again it’s all dark greys and plaid textures that make up the furnishings. 

Jack presses a button and the lights dim and the screen turns on “Like every tv in the house, you guys are hooked up to every streaming service you’ll ever need. This is your home, you gotta 

believe it now.” 

“I believe it now” Dean nods 

“It’s so beautiful Jack. You did such an amazing job. Thank you so much” Cas once again is hugging him and Jack accepts it graciously. 

“It was my honor for both of you to have your own space. Something that you can make your own.” 

“This really is our forever home” Dean adds sounding out of breath. 

“Better start believing it now” He smiles “Oh and before I forget, the place has a salt ring buried under the soil surrounding the house. And there’s demon traps in front of each door. It’s also warded against pretty much everything. Sam helped. All this just in case” he says casually. Dean and Cas immediately look at Gabe who’s standing on the last step. 

Jack turns seeing him standing there “Oh right. He knows. Everything.” 

Dean’s eyes widen “Everything?” 

Jack nods ,“Everything that I know,everything.” 

“Monsters are real. You, Sam and Castiel were hunters. Same with Jody. Claire and Kaia still hunt. Actually they should be around town in the next few weeks. Oh and Castiel was an Angel and Jack was a Nepilim. Half Angel, Half human.” Gabe says smoothly. 

“That about sums it up” Dean adds 

“Good” Jack smiles. 

“Can we treat you two to dinner at least?” Cas offers. 

Jack shakes his head “it’s okay. You two need some rest, planes aren’t fun I know.” 

“Tell me about it” Dean scoffs. 

“We’ll let you guys have a night or two and bug you later.” 

Dean and Cas take this at face value and head upstairs, following Gabe and Jack. They grab their suitcases from the trunk and give hugs of thanks and goodbyes. The two younger boys leave as Dean and Cas stand on the sidewalk looking up at their lit up house. 

“This is crazy isn’t?” Dean mumbles. 

“Good things do happen Dean.” 

Dean looks at him and snorts “Such a smartass.” 

Cas laughs, “I’m tired lets go see how soft our new bed is.” 

“Or we could...?” Dean raises an eyebrow. 

“Sometimes I swear you are 19.” 

“My bones know they’re in their 40’s” 

“Old man Dean Winchester” Cas tsk’s as they walk back up to the house. 

“Old old man Castiel Winchester.” 

“Older, wiser and smarter” he corrects. 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

“Yeah yeah love you too” 

~ 

Life continues on. 

They hit the 1 year anniversary of the bar opening. Celebrating with a big Halloween party. 

Cas gets the Museum advisor position. Between working there and school he is on a fast-track to get his degree early. 

While Sam and Jody determine that they needed a break from life, just the two of them. So Dean and Cas (after some heavy discussion) decided they could do their diligence as Uncles and have the girls stay with them for two weeks. 

Even with the distance between them Dean and Cas made efforts over that last 8 months to get to know their nieces. They even took a long weekend in late April, only three weeks after the girls had officially moved into the Mills-Winchester household, to meet them. 

They took a liking to Cas almost immediately, he had cool stories to tell they’d apparently told Sam. Dean though was left in the shadows. Acting like it didn’t bother him that the twins barely looked at him once, when he solemnly confided in Cas that it had stung. It took a handful of facetime calls during May and June, then another visit in July when Sadie jumped into Dean’s arms the second he walked through the door. Hannah was mad for the next twenty minutes because she wanted to hug Uncle Dean first but her sister had slammed their bedroom door in her face. 

Sam, Jody and the girls flew into San Fran the first week of November. This was Jody’ first time at the new house (Sam had flown in to help Jack with small reno’s) she was absolutely blown away by the luxury the house held. Dean and Cas still couldn’t believe they lived there. But the movie theater room gets used frequently, and the deck out back over looking the city is the best place to unwind. It’s slowly becoming their home after all. 

Dean showed the girls to their room, down the hallway from Dean and Cas’ bedroom. Explaining to them that if they ever needed anything that they knew where they needed to go. Jody also gave the girls each another lecture that they must’ve heard a thousand times based on their eye rolling. 

Dean and Cas gave Jody and Sam a few minutes to say goodnight to their girls before they called for a taxi to take them back to the airport. Their flight to Mexico leaving at midnight. 

“If you need anything call us” Sam said. 

Dean had scoffed “Sammy I practically raised you. Enjoy your vacation, you both deserve it.” 

There were some choice words before hugs were thrown around and the door was shut. 

Dean took most of the next two weeks off only having to pop in on the weekends and Cas only had 

to work at the museum during the early mornings with school being on it’s fall break. Cas was gone from 6 am till 10 am every week day but the girls didn’t wake till almost 9 anyways. Dean made them breakfast, sat at the kitchen counter and chatted till Cas got home. They discussed then what they wanted to do, the girls had a wishlist and wanted to do everything. 

So one by one they checked off certain touristy things that even Dean and Cas hadn’t gotten to do, like see the Seal’s down at the pier or eat locally made salt water taffy. 

Every night when they’d come home Dean or Cas would take turns cooking, the odd time having a kid or two help. They’d eat, have the girls fill out their journals they had to do for school and then get ready for bed. 

The first thing out of the twin’s mouths when they arrived was that they wanted Cas to tell them a story every night before bed. Even Sam told Cas neither of them would shut up about it. 

So after brushing their teeth and changing into PJ’s, they’d both get into the twin beds in the spare bedroom, Cas sat on a chair while Dean would take turns cuddling them while they listened. 

Their routine was down to a science, Dean ultimately couldn’t think about Sam and Jody returning to take the girls home. It would hurt to much. So he focused on them, making sure they had the best time possible. 

Jack and Gabe were using Jack’s fall break to travel up to Seattle as Gabe had some job interviews there. He had graduated in June and had been working at the university up until this opportunity arose, so off the two of them went. 

They were all eating dinner on Sunday, a week into their staycation. Cas had made some casserole recipe he found online that was pretty good. When the sound of the front door had them all jumping in their seats. 

Cas shot Dean a look, while Dean immediately thought about the few knives he had hidden around. And the few pisotles with silver bullets tucked in high places. He felt awful having to hide them around but better safe than sorry. 

“Dean? Cas?” The voice echoed. 

Dean looked at Cas who nodded his head to go look, while he distracted the girls. 

Dean was up and out of his chair quickly but not without reassuring the little ones “It’s just Jack. This is his house too remember.” 

He said it with such ease but deep down he was a little afraid. When he rounded the corner, Jack was standing there in a jacket and jeans, a duffle bag by his feet and tear stains down his cheeks. 

“Whoa whoa. Jack hey?” Dean quickly went from afraid panic to concerned panic. Jack sniffled as some more tears leaked from his eyes. 

“Sorry. Sorry” Jack gasped, wiping at his eyes. Dean pulled him into a hug on instinct, he had seen the kid before him and Gabe had went off to Washiongton state but hadn’t heard much since then. 

“It’s- It’s ok. Would’ve liked maybe a text cause the girls yknow- kinda spooked but-” 

“Oh fuck” Jack muttered quietly “I’m so sorry. I totally forgot- I just. This wasn’t really planned- I didn’t know where to go” The tears continued to leak down his cheeks. 

“Hey hey. It’s fine- It’s fine. You’re safe. What happened?” Dean had his hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in comfort. 

“Me and Gabe got into a fight. He probably has to move to Seattle, I didn’t take that well. I think we broke up” More tears fell while Dean could feel his own heart shattered for the kid. 

“Hey. Hey” Dean whispered, pulling Jack against him “We’ll figure this out.” 

Jack eventually calmed down enough for Dean to grab Cas. Who went to go talk with the kid and get him settled in the spare room downstairs. Dean entertained the girls by putting Frozen on the Tv while he cleaned up dinner. 

About an hour into the movie Cas and Jack emerged from the basement, the girls went running to him squishing him tight. They’d met him once in person at the wedding, and took to him just as quickly as they took to Cas. Jack treated them like his little sisters, making them laugh and asking them questions about their time with their uncles. 

Cas had wandered over to Dean, pulling him in for a hug. Cas kissed his cheek as they had a moment. 

“Will he be okay?” Dean asked. 

“Hope so” Cas replied. 

~ 

Jack hung around for a few days, it was pouring raining monday morning and Jack didn’t need to go in for class. While Cas didn’t have to go to the museum and only had an online lecture at 3. So they stuck around the house watching movies and the girls got their fix of ice cream. While Cas was attending his lecture via webcam Dean taught the girls how to make pie. Jack sat watching them from the dinner table, smiling and taking pictures. Presumably sending them to Sam and Jody. 

Tuesday was also rainy but Jack and Cas went into the school for the morning. Dean made the girls breakfast and messaged with Sam that everything was going swimmingly. 

When Cas and Jack got home they brought pizza home with them for lunch, Dean was thankful for some kind of greasy thing for once. They ate in the living room, watching the last 45 minutes of Toy Story 3 when Sadie looked over at Dean from the other couch. 

“What?” He asked her, making everyone else look at him. But Sadie looked at her sister then they both got this awkward grin on their faces. 

“You can say anything around us, girls. You know that” Dean encouraged. It took them a minute before Sadie said “Why don’t you and Cas have kids?” 

Dean whipped his head to look at Cas who did the same. Both of their eyes searching for an answer from the other. 

“I’m their kid” Jack said with half a mouth full of pizza. 

“But you’re old” Hannah said with an unimpressed look. 

“Heeey” Cas started “That’s not nice.” 

“It’s true though” Jack nodded, he’d be 26 in the new year. 

Dean now shot Jack a look “Not helping.” The girls giggled off to the side behind their hands. 

Cas didn’t pay any attention to the stare down happening between Dean and Jack, instead turned to the twins asked “Why are you asking such a question?” out of curiosity. 

The twins looks at each other before Hannah said “Mommy and Daddy were saying they wanted you to have a kid.” 

“Oh?” This peaked Dean’s interest “Why would they say that?” “So we could have a cousin to play with!” Sadie exclaimed. 

Jack was now having a staring contest with Cas. Dean definitely didn’t want to get involved in that, “Well, for now you have Jack.” 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” Jack side eyed him but was clearly pushing his buttons. 

Dean wanted to retort something but there were children in the room “Eat your pizza” is all he said. 

Cas came back downstairs after telling the girls another bedtime story. Joining Dean and Jack on the couch who were invested in an episode of ‘American Pickers’ Cas fitting himself under Dean’s arm with his textbook. 

The show went to commercial when Jack spoke up “I think you two should have a kid. One that’s actually under 18 at the time of adoption.” 

“Jack” Dean said in a warning. Cas closed his textbook. 

“I’m serious. Whatever the girls overheard Sam and Jody saying, they’re right.” 

Dean turned to look at Cas “What do you think?” 

Cas paused “I’ll be sad when they leave.” 

“Me too” Dean hummed. 

Jack stood from the couch, smiling down at both of them “You both are great parents. You would make some other kid, if it’s your own or adopted— the happiest kid out there. So think about it?” 

“We’ll talk” Cas answered and honestly, Dean wasn’t expecting that from him. 

“I’m gonna head to bed. Night dads” Jack said sincerely. 

Dean and Cas said their own goodnights, before turning to each other. 

“Do you want to talk about this?” Cas asked. 

“Do you?” Dean responded. 

Cas hesitated, reading the emotions on Dean’s face “Yeah, I’d like too.” 

Dean shut the TV off with the remote carefully turning towards Cas “Alright, let’s talk.” 

~ 

Four months later Dean and Cas took a drive out to Sioux Falls for the first time since July. The girls were ecstatic to see them, Hannah jumping into Cas’ arms while Sadie jumped into Dean’s. They then traded girls after returning said hugs then followed up by saying hello to Jody and Sam. 

They hadn’t taken any real breaks since the girls came to stay with them, even Christmas became too hectic with the bar and Cas’ studies and life in general. So they had mailed their gifts and faced timed on Christmas morning to at least see everyone’s reactions. 

The connection was frozen and reconnecting when Cas asked, “Should we tell them?” 

Dean paused before scratching at the back of his neck “I think it’s too soon...” 

Cas’ hopeful smile had fallen “Oh, okay.” 

“We will though. Soon. I just don’t wanna start telling people then things not plan out y’know.” 

Cas grabbed at Dean’s hand, threading their fingers together “Of course, that makes sense. I can wait.” 

“It’s killing me too sweetheart” Dean added before he kissed his forehead. Sam’s voice then echoed through the speakers “Can you guys hear me?” 

So this trip was to make up for Christmas but also see the new house Sam built with his team that the Winchester-Mills clan would be moving into in a few weeks. 

“When’s Jack’s flight coming in?” Sam asked as the three of them ate sandwiches around the dinner table. Jody had to be at the station for a few hours but promised to be back to cook dinner. Sam told her not to worry, that he would take care of it as long as she was back in time to eat. 

Dean understood why they worked so well together. He hadn’t been around the two of them together much. But their relationship was something Dean had always hoped Sam would have. 

“Uh should be landing in the next hour,” Dean said while chewing “we’ll go get him when he texts that he’s landed.” 

Sam nodded “And he was where again?” 

Dean shot Cas a look as he took a large bite, “Seattle. Gabe invited him." 

Cas looked at Dean in annoyance. 

Sam hummed “I thought they broke up?” 

Dean grumbled out “yeah they did.” 

“Gabe called and they talked apparently. He asked Jack to come up for spring break so they could talk more” Cas answered. 

Then Dean cut in, “Not sure why Jack wanted to give him a second chance considering the huge blow-up they had, which made Jack mope for months. But guess we’ll find out.” 

Sam wiped at his mouth while making an uncomfortable face, “Jack’s such a smart guy he shouldn’t be chasing after someone who’s gonna treat him poorly.” 

Dean huffed “Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants.” 

“It was the distance that affected them the most. Neither of them knew how to handle it, a break up was a better option,” Cas offered. 

All three of them sighed before Sam cleared his throat, “So if that’s what’s new on the Jack front. What about you guys? Feels like years since the three of us have sat down.” 

Hannah and Sadie were off at school, Jody let them miss the bus to say hello but then dropped them off on her way to the station. 

Cas panicked and looked over at Dean, not giving away much but something. 

“Not a lot. Bar’s been doing good, like really good.” 

“You considering opening a second location?” Sam asked. 

Dean shrugged knowing his mind has been elsewhere lately “Not really, no.” 

“You should, it would give you something to look forward too. Not have the same day over and over.” 

Dean nodded before looking over at Cas, “yeah I guess. But Cas got a promotion at the museum. He has his own business cards now” Dean said while pulling one out of his wallet. 

“Dean,” Cas grunted, slightly embarrassed. But Sam chuckled as he looked over the shiny dark brown card. 

“I like keeping one to show off. It’s cool Cas” Dean beamed which just made Cas’s cheeks burn hotter. 

“Y’know. I’ll never get used to it” Sam snorted still looking at the tiny piece of cardboard in his hands. 

“Used to what?” Dean asked. 

Sam flipped over the card, showing it to both of them “Castiel Winchester” he said with a certain poshness to it “It’s not a bad thing either it’s just— I’m not used to it.” 

Cas turned to Dean with a smirk on his face as Dean replied, “Tell me about it. I’m married to this one and every day I gotta pinch myself to know that I’m not dreaming ” 

Cas elbowed him, not hard though “You always tell me it’s the perfect name for a nerd.” 

Sam laughed. 

“A cute nerd whom I love?” Dean tried. 

Cas rolled his eyes “and?” 

“And super awesome in the sack” Dean snickered. 

“DEAN!” Cas glared. 

“Alright, alright—” Sam said chuckling while getting up out of his chair. 

“Hey Sammy since you’re up now can you get me another slice of pie please?” he grinned. 

Sam shot him a glare “glad to know you still haven’t changed.” 

Dean heard him pad into the kitchen when he intertwined his hand with Cas’ “I’ve changed— but only for different reasons.” 

The fake annoyance in Cas’s eyes melted away as he pressed his mouth to Dean’s is a quick sentiment of love, but when Cas pulled back all he said was, “I can’t wait to tell them.” 

When Dean and Cas pick Jack up they played nice at first, but once they were back on the highway they both jumped at the chance to ask about Gabe. 

“How did it go with Gabe?” 

“How's Thunder from DownUnder doing?” 

“Dean,” Cas warned but there was no heat to it. 

“Hey, I told Jack if he ever broke his heart I would step in.” 

“Dads it’s fine” Jack cut in making both of them stop talking. “If he hadn’t called me and wanted to work things out, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day.” 

“Jack it’s okay to give people second chances” Cas replied, “Even if your dad is being overly protective.” 

“I’m just looking out for his happiness” Dean added. 

“I know. I know you both are. And honestly thank you for being there when I was at my lowest. But I think I needed this trip, me and him.” 

Dean tossed Cas a sideway glance “And what does that mean?” 

“I won’t tell you if you’re gonna overreact.” 

“I don’t overreact!” Dean deflected. 

Cas squinted, “Mmm but you kinda do.” 

“Only when it’s things or people I care about.” 

Cas moved his hand to Dean’s thigh, “honey, you may have changed in different ways but you’re still the same person.” 

Dean just grumbled, “So you guys are back together.” 

Jack clears his throat, “We’re trying to make this work. We’ll see how it goes.” 

“Then good, I’m happy for you,” Dean said honestly. 

They pulled up back at the Winchester-Mills household, the twins now home running at Jack as if their lives depended on hugging him. 

Cas elbowed Dean as they watched, making Dean look over at Cas. 

“Maybe… for the new one you could try to work on your acting skills,” Cas teased with a grin. 

Dean squinted at him, “That’s cold Cas.” 

“We’re not all perfect babe,” Cas replied before leaning in to kiss him. 

~ 

They finished the wonderful dinner Sam and Jody both worked on. Now sitting around the dining table stuffed full of delicious lasagna. 

“That was the best friggin meal I’ve had in a long time,” Dean commented, throwing his napkin to the plate. 

“Dean. There are kids at the table” Cas gritted out. Dean suddenly felt a wave of guilt roll this his body. 

“Guys it’s fine— I’m sure they’ve heard worse between us” Jody dismissed with a gentle laugh. 

Sam nodding along as he took a swig of his beer. 

But to Dean, it wasn’t fine. The way he acts, the way he talks, the way he grew up. His behavior is deeply cemented in him that all of a sudden panic swept over him. 

Is he’s even qualified to be around kids? Kids can repeat stuff and kids don’t understand Dean slang the ways adults do. And sure he’s interacted with children on a need-to-rescue basis, he knows he’s been good in those situations but take care of one? Be the sole caregiver? 

“Dean?” he could hear Cas calling his name but it sounded distant and hollow. 

He shuttered remembering the doctor's office and the sterile smell and the small room with the cup and the magazines and— they used his. Oh god. 

“Sorry will you please excuse me,” Dean said abruptly getting up. Ignoring the chorus of ‘Dean?’ coming from the crowd behind him. 

He didn’t know where to go so he went outside. The chilly South Dakota air stinging at him through his worn-out flannel. Except he reveled in the pain, feeling he deserved it. 

He unlocked the driver's seat with the keys that never leave his pocket and slammed the door behind him. Draping his arms over the steering wheel and resting his forehead on the horn. 

They’d been through so much the last few months, Dean couldn’t believe he was only now panicking over this. During the time he could be spending with his nieces and his brother and his sister-in-law, and even Jack. But his mind kept curling itself around the same accusation. Pulling out memories he thought he had long forgotten. Moments from his childhood that a 5-6-7-8-year-old kid should never have had to see or hear or deal with. 

“You’re not John Winchester. You’re not John Winchester” he repeated to himself. Hoping that one of the sentences would sound like Cas. A phrase his husband had said to him long ago but Dean retained in order to keep himself grounded. 

Unfortunately, tonight was bad. His trauma was creeping up on him in ways that he hadn’t felt in years. Booze and hunting usually did the trick in keeping his demons at bay, but over these years of retirement, he’d forgotten how to cope, even if they were bad methods. 

Nothing had been this triggering to him in a while. But it had been festering for some time for unexplainable reasons. The worst of it all was that he was afraid to bring it up to Cas. Even when they started their discussion that life-changing November night. Dean never wanted to burden Cas with his corrupt childhood, knowing Cas was also going into this blind. But Dean felt he was almost worse off, knowing he’d have to unlearn behaviors and fix his vocabulary and for some crazy reason all of that is sending him nose-diving into a barrel of self-doubt. 

He began to frantically stuff the key into the ignition, feeling the itch of the open road beg for him. 

But as he fit the key in, there was a quiet knock from the passenger window. 

Dean could barely make out the blue hue in the eyes staring at him, but the weight in his shoulders instantly relaxed. 

He leaned over the seat to knock the lock-up, allowing Cas to open the door and get in. 

They said nothing to each other, only their breathing began to fog up the car when Cas carefully reached out to put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed onto Cas. He pulled him in for a tight embrace, stuffing his face into Cas’s neck letting himself breathe the scent that Dean had grown so fond of. 

“What if I’m not-” 

“Don’t even say it.” 

“You didn’t even know what I-” 

“Dean. Don’t.” 

“But Cas.” 

Cas sighed, only moving back to be able to look into Dean’s eyes earnestly. 

“I told you I was scared about this, but sometimes you have to face things that scare you. That’s a huge part of being human, isn’t it?” Cas asked. 

Dean nodded. 

“But being scared doesn’t make me or you weak. It makes us aware, to gain more control, and eventually, stronger. I don’t have to accomplish or be good at what I’m afraid of, I just have to do it and try my best. That’s all anyone could ask for.” 

Dean squeezed at Cas’ shoulder and his lower back where his hands were still holding him. 

Making sure Cas knew, with every nerve in Dean’s being that he was listening. 

“I’m sorry Cas. I should’ve said something long ago but I thought I was dealing pretty okay.” 

“I think you’re doing pretty great Mr. Winchester. I don’t know a lot about your life as a child, I know you keep that buried cause it's easier. But know, I love you and I am here for you when it gets too much okay?" 

Dean hummed in agreement, nodding along to Cas's words, "I know. I know," not allowing his mind to wander any further. 

“The thing is Dean— we don’t need to let our past define us. We didn’t when I became human, we didn’t when we moved to San Francisco and started our new lives. Yes it’s a part of us but we change, we grow, we become better versions of ourselves, isn’t that what we want to show our child when they are old enough to know?” 

Dean could taste the salty tears rolling down his cheeks, could hear the soft patter of rain on the windshield and he could feel the wind of Cas’s eyelashes all in one heartbeat. He sighed, bunching his fingers into Cas's sweater. Feeling him, knowing he's there here's real. The tiny bit of light from the front porch catches the wedding band on Cas's hand and twinkles, Dean lets out a low exhale “god I love you so much Cas." 

Cas hums with a grin, carefully wiping away Dean's tears with his thumb before tenderly stroking his cheek “Dean, I want you to know that for as afraid as you are to turn into someone you have never been. I am equally as afraid of retreating into the dickish ways I once was. But as long as I have you by my side, I’m reminded of what I chose to become that day. And one day I hope you can look at me and our future child and see what good you’ve put in both of us.” 

Dean hugged him close, as close as he could get without crawling into Castiel’s lap. They held onto each other like a lifeline and let the rain dance over the car. Nothing could hurt them in this moment. 

By the time they both retreated into the house, the girls were tucked into bed while Sam, Jody, and Jack were half watching an episode of ‘Diners, Drive-in’s and Dives’ 

The TV was shut off via Sam the moment their presence was made and the three other adults looked cautiously at them. 

“I wanna apologize first, sorry for leaving dinner like that I—” 

“Dean it’s okay” Sam offered kindly. 

Dean swallowed hard, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him “Thank you Sammy, But I still feel I should apologize.” 

“It’s forgotten about already Dean. All of it” Jody assured with a grin. 

“Can I get you a beer?” Sam offered. 

“Actually” Dean paused “We have some news that we wanted to share.” 

Cas’ hand had been intertwined with his the moment they left the car, so Cas squeezed his fingers letting him know he’s there, he’s not going anywhere, that they’re in this together as terrified as they both are. 

“We’re having a baby” Dean announced. 

“What?!” Fell out of Sam’s mouth. 

“YOU ARE?!” Jack cheered. 

It took a second for the words to click, Jody shook her head twice before running up to both of them quietly screaming to hug them both. 

“Oh my god, you guys are going to be the best parents!” She squealed while hugging them. Sam and Jack followed, offering hugs to the new future parents. 

“But how? When? Who?” Sam rambled looking between the both of them suddenly concerned. 

“Not of that! No magic babies or anything” Dean corrected. 

Cas smiled “We found a surrogate. Her name’s Iris, she’s not a parent herself but she said she’d been blessed with easy childbirth and has had four other surrogate kids. She’s quite wonderful actually, very bubbly and she teaches kindergarten.” 

“That’s amazing you guys. Really” Sam said genuinely. 

“It’s one thing to be blessed with a miracle child” Jody looked over at Jack who smiled “But this whole journey, it’ll be really special for both of you. And once you meet the little one, nothing will ever mean as much to you.” 

Dean snorted “We’ll see how that checks out when the little rugrat is like six and wants to drive the Impala.” 

Sam choked on a laugh “It’s your… DNA?” 

“Cas can get the next one” Dean retorted. 

“The next one?” Cas said confused “Let’s get through this one first.” 

They all laughed. 

~ 

It was the hottest day in June, literally ever. The temperature was breaking records on multiple accounts. 

Dean was busy making sure the bar stayed cool enough for patrons but also invited in people off the street to come in and take a breather. Dean swore off shorts long ago but today he had to put his morals aside and do what was comfortable. 

He cut off a pair of old jeans and had been running around the bar in jorts and a dry fit t-shirt. Sweat was constantly dripping down his forehead and neck, he felt like he was constantly running through a sprinkler. But he and his crew made it work and made sure no one that came in wasn’t offered at least a glass or two of ice-cold water. 

Dean was glad Sam encouraged him to get generators for the bar. “You can never be too careful Dean” Sam’s voice rang in his ears, and he was right. They were one of the few establishments on the block who could keep the lights and the freezers going. Everywhere else either had to shut down for the day or sacrificed an appliance, but Dean felt good in at least helping out whoever he could. 

He took a cooler of ice to Ms. Johnson's bakery down the street and some bottles of water. He checked in with them to make sure they were surviving or making the best of what they had. She was very grateful for the check-in and Dean didn’t expect anything for his kind gesture. But she brought out a day-old apple pie and put it in a box for him. “No one’s coming in for a hot baked treat right now anyways sugar, you and your fellow enjoy it.” 

He couldn’t say no to that and on his way back he genuinely considered not telling Cas he was given free pie today. 

But then again. Cas was at the museum, probably running off his feet to make sure artifacts and documents were staying preserved in their temperature-controlled environments. It was all hands on deck today according to their brief texts around lunchtime. They also were letting the main foyer be a cool-down space for anyone who needed it. 

DEAN: Hey do you need any ice or water over there? I went and gave some to Ms. Johnsons down the street. She gave me pie not sure if I’m sharing ;) 

CAS: We’re okay for now. The fire department dropped some coolers of cold bottles to hand out. 

CAS: Don’t eat the pie all in one sitting :P 

Dean: Fire department? Should I be jealous? 

Cas: Very. 

Cas: Gotta run. More water to hand out and old ass papers to check on. Love you. 

Dean: Have fun. Love you too. 

Dean pocketed his phone and returned to the bar with an extra skip in his step. 

~ 

The sun had finally started to go down, making the air go still and the pavement sizzle even by looking at it. At least it seemed that most of the working folk had gotten home and the streets were as vacant as they were at 2 am. 

Dean chugged back what had to have been his 18th glass of water today. He wiped off his forehead with his smelly shirt and took a deep breath. Taking that 60 seconds to himself before going to greet the group of people who had just walked in. 

“Hey boss?” a gruff voice called from behind him. Dean turned to see Ricardo his main chef holding out the bar’s telephone. 

“Yeah?” 

“For you” He urged and Dean took it from him. It wasn’t unusual for the phone to be for him so he answered “Hello Dean Winchester speaking.” 

“Dean you gotta get to the hospital” It was Cas. He sounded out of breath and far away. 

“Cas?! What’s going on?” 

“Is your phone dead? I tried calling you it kept going to voicemail.” 

Dean pulled it from his pocket, the dead battery sign flashing “Yeah yeah it’s dead sorry. What’s going on?” 

“Baby.” 

Dean felt his knees almost give out. 

“Dean?!” Cas said concerningly through the other line. 

“Sorry- um” he coughed, quickly grabbing an empty cup and filling it with water. chugging it back. 

“Dean Iris went into early labor. I’m on my way to the hospital now, can you swing by the house and grab our bag of stuff.” 

Dean started nodding but then realized Cas couldn’t see him so he choked out a gruff “yes.” 

“Good. And honey… breathe. It’s fine, everything’s fine. It’s exciting right!” Cas tried but Dean was too busy feeling like his head was stuffed with cotton. 

“Yeah. Exciting. Yeah.” 

“Just- breathe and go get the stuff from the house and meet me at the hospital. Oh and charge your phone.” 

“Ok. Okay,” He answered. 

There was a pause on Castiel’s end and for a second Dean thought he hung up, “Dean. We’re gonna meet our baby today” Cas said softly like he was already crying. 

“Yeah, we are sweetheart.” 

“I love you, Dean.” 

“Love you too.” 

Dean hung up and stood there for 30 seconds before realizing he had to move to get everything done. And also holy fucking shit his and Cas’s child was being born today. 

Mikayla the bar’s trusty assistant manager spotted Dean’s feared look from across the room. He could see her narrowing in but he couldn’t move. 

“Go,” she said to him while pulling the phone from his hand. 

“Huh?” he shook his head. 

“Cas you told me exactly how you’d act when you got the call and I can’t believe how correct he was but you need to go, be with your husband and meet your baby.” 

“Right. Right!” 

She was petite, blonde, and all curves but she could throw Dean through a window if she wanted. 

He was sure of it. 

“Deep breaths hun. And hey, congratulations.” 

He gave her a half-grin before taking off. 

~ 

Grace Kelly Winchester was born on June 30th. The hottest day in June that San Francisco had ever had. She had big blue eyes thanks to Iris but all Dean could see was that they match Cas’s almost perfectly. 

Iris was fit to leave the hospital that night but with Grace being two weeks early she had to stay overnight for some extra care. 

Dean and Cas both got to be in the delivery room when Grace arrived into the world and to say they both didn’t get choked up is an understatement. They’d both been crying off and on since she was born 5 hours ago. 

The nurses had gotten them both rocking chairs so they’d be more comfortable, Dean and Cas collectively hadn’t put her down for more than an hour. They sent photos to Sam and Jody and everyone else they could think of. 

Jack was up in Seattle, had been since exams ended back in April but he said he was booking a flight and would be down by the weekend when they brought her home. Dean could still see in his head the mess that the nursey was but the crib was complete and would stay in their bedroom until she was at least a few months old. 

It was Cas’s turn to hold her again, sitting in the rocking chair with the tiny pink blanket nestled into his arms. His hair a mess, bags under his eyes, and a few buttons were undone on his shirt. But the smile remained permanently on his lips as he stared affectionately at his baby girl— their baby girl. 

Dean let out a long sigh from where he was slouching in his chair. Cas didn’t look up at him, too enthralled at the being before him. Dean was careful in snapping a picture for safekeeping, making sure that he remembered every part of this moment. The moonlight seeping in through the window, the low beeping of the heart monitor, the squeak of the rocking chair, the smell of sterile hospital room, and their detergent on the baby blanket. The softness in Cas’s browline and the coo of a little one waking up for a few short moments. 

“Dean she’s—” Cas let out a longing sigh like he was going to start joyfully crying again. 

Dean stood quietly, padding over to stand over Cas’s shoulder and look at their daughter, “She’s pretty remarkable huh” Dean whispered. 

“Letting go of my grace to get her— the best choice of my life” Cas breathed. 

Dean paused, considering his words but decided to go ahead “Cas. I never thanked you for that— for changing your life completely…” 

Cas turned to look up at him, his blue eyes dancing in the small amount of light “Then I guess I’ve never thanked you for allowing me to save you.” 

There were no words that could describe the feeling Dean had in his chest so he stayed quiet and kissed the top of Cas’s head. 

“Is this everything you wished for?” Dean asked. 

Cas smiled at him first “more,” then looked back down at the sleeping baby in his hold “And then some.” 

THE END. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading.


	3. Missing Scene: 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways hi! Wow. Um did not think before writing the 50k i did that Destiel could become canon after the fact. But also to be viewing supernatural season 16 live daily on twitter and tumblr. 
> 
> Anyways I wish I would've written Eileen as Sam's love interest for this one as I now permanently live in this fic as MY finale. 
> 
> But anyways, have this little dabble of cute. I hope to add more in the future and thanks a TON for reading!

Dean wakes up in darkness to the sound of silence. He blinks to himself and looks down at the bed next to him. Empty and cold to the touch, he sighs. 

Dean runs a hand over his face, peering down at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. Reading 3:32 am. About 4 hours of sleep. He yawns before getting up and shrugging his robe and slippers on. He pads out of their bedroom, passing the empty bassinet and down the hall. 

There’s a warm glow from the crack of the door that leads into the nursey. Dean is careful in pushing the door to open, only slowly peeking around the corner. When this routine started to take place a few weeks ago, Dean had gotten up to check on the other two. He had barged into the nursey, scaring Cas enough to let out a physical yelp. Thus ensuing a shrill of screaming cries from a three month old Grace. Dean’s not shy to loud noises like in movies, or music in the garage but the set of pipes on their kid is enough to kill someone. 

Dean’s learnt his lesson and now knows to quietly sneak into the room. This time awarded with the sight of his husband sleeping in the rocking chair, his arms curled around the small girl that’s laying flat on his chest. 

Dean can’t help in letting his heart melt at the sight. How at peace they both look, Dad and Daughter cuddled together. This is the first time in a month that he’s walked in with both of them asleep. 

He’s stealthy in snapping a photo and sending it to an online photo album he already set up. Already excited for the day that Grace is old enough to appreciate these keepsakes. 

He stands in the door way admiring the view. The simplicity of it all, as if none of their issues or their past had mattered. It was just, now. 

Dean’s seen in the way Cas has held himself in the past few weeks, that he’s changed. Not in a bad way, more of an uncertain way. Just as much as Dean was going in blind to raising an actual child. Cas is also long those lines too, more or less like a rich kid who got sent off to college and now has to figure out how to use a laundry machine. Except Cas knows how to use a laundry machine, he just doesn’t believe he does. 

But Dean’s there, day in-day out trying to subtle remind him that he’s doing amazing, he’s a great dad, and that Dean’s proud of him. And yes those words stick for a minute, until Grace is crying or spitting up or doesn’t want to eat. Just all the things babies do that make them fussy little devils. But you still love them, you nurture them and you get to watch them grow up into these amazing people. Dean tries to remind Cas of this but some days are just harder than others. 

Dean can see it in his eyes when she’s crying in pain and he stares into oblivion. Dean knows he’s thinking about what he was before, how he could help her if he only had his powers. 

Dean most times has to snap him out of it with a simple press of both his thumbs to the back of his neck, makes him sigh and come back to earth. 

It’s happened more often than not, and Dean always tells him “you can talk to me about how you’re feeling. It’s okay Cas. We’ll figure this out, like we always do.” 

And yet, still Dean will find him up at 2am without waking Dean to take care of their kid. It still annoys Dean most times that Cas just won’t let himself, let others help him. It’s been a on-going thing for years. As long as Dean has known Cas, its been the root of their problems and to this day it keeps haunting them. 

In the past, Dean’s always figured that stepping in wasn’t the solution. But he’s been doing some reading pre-birth and now in his paternal leave. These parenting books that Sam had gotten him, never mentioned them just left them in the Impala one day with a sticky note: 

_When your feeling like all hope is lost - Sam (ps. You raised me and I turned out pretty okay)_

So yeah, there’s been some helpful tips and some insightful therapy things that’s forced himself to think outside Dean Winchester’s regular habits. 

So he’s feeling it’s pushing a point where he has to do something. Looking at Cas with their bundle of joy in his arms but also the deep, cemented bags under his eyes and the greying hair. Dean’s still crazy in love with him, but knows when someone isn’t getting everything their body needs. 

A beep sounds from the baby monitor’s meaning the batteries dying. And it startles both Cas and Grace but only enough for him to hug his daughter closer. Until he realizes there is another person staring at him he cracks an eye open “...mm’ wasn’t sleeping” he mumbles, clearly not awake. 

“Of course you weren’t sunshine” Dean whispers before walking over to run a hand through Cas’s hair. Cas almost purrs at the touch. 

Dean is swift in his movements, carefully picking up a sleeping baby girl and tucking her against his chest. It’s almost comical how quickly she curls into Dean. 

“Go get some sleep Cas. I got her” Dean encourages. Looking down at his husband who looks 2 blinks from passing out again. 

Cas hesitates, staring around the room before standing and finally letting his eyes focus. His face softens at the sight before him, Dean holding a tiny sleeping Grace. And that look- Dean will never not ever get enough of. 

“I fed her already and she passed out at about- What time is it?” Cas yawns. 

“Almost 4.” 

“About an hour ago. She’ll probably-” 

“Be ready to stay awake in about an hour.” 

Cas nods “Yeah.” 

“What time did you get up?” 

“Around 2ish.” 

Dean leans forward and kisses Cas’ temple “go get some sleep honey.” 

Cas nods with a sigh, accepting his defeat “okay, fine.” 

Cas is careful in tucking the baby blanky over the little girl and Dean’s shoulder as Dean finds himself settle in the rocking chair. 

“Do you need anything before I-” 

“Just a kiss from you” Dean replies with a tiny smile. 

Cas huffs an exhausted breath of air and grins. His eyes crinkle as he leans into Dean’s space “fine” he mutters before pressing their lips together. It’s quick, tender and makes them both sigh and laugh after. 

“You’re ridiculous” Cas shakes his head as he begins towards the door. 

“Yet you married me” Dean chimes. 

Cas huffs again “That I did.” 

Dean doesn’t know how he got so lucky. “Go get some sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Cas hesitates in the door “You sure-” 

“We’re fine Cas. Promise.” 

“Alright. Goodnight, love you both.” 

“Love you too” Dean answers before pitching his voice “Love you daddy.” 

Cas’ eyes sparkle as he leaves the room and Dean knows he’s hit a nerve. 

Sometimes Dean doesn’t know if it’s a look from love or pain. Sometimes that look hurts Dean more than Cas. These last few months, caring for a newborn has been an adjustment period like they always knew it would. But for them, it’s been even weirder. They’ve settled into this parenting thing pretty easily. Maybe with them both being natural caregivers, it was just second nature. No time to think about it. So it’s made their marriage a lot easier, they haven’t argued a ton, they get what the other needs, they’ve become a real team in some ways. So much that Dean almost feels their bond is even stronger than before. Dean could not see himself having this life with anyone else. They’ve made each other better, stronger and hell maybe even fallen deeper for the other. 

But yet, when it comes to their daughter. Dean can see it in Cas’ eyes— the fear and the need to make everything okay. It’s the being able to fix situations with a snap of the fingers that every parent dreams of. But for Cas’s sake, he had been able to do that for his whole existence. And now, having this little being who can’t tell you whats wrong and not having those abilities. Dean could tell that adjustment period is the one weighing on him. 

“Did you and daddy get to cuddle this morning?!” Dean coo’s to the little one “Yeah, he’s a pretty good cuddler huh. He gives the best hugs too. When you’re older you’ll see how much better his hugs make you feel. It’s like magic.” 

The little one curls tighter into Dean’s chest as Dean fixes the blanket wrapped around her. She’s so small, smaller than any child Dean’s ever held before. “Your daddy’s doing so good taking care of you. I can see how much he loves you, how much he wants to protect you and care for you. It’s hard for him I know- adjusting to all this but for you he’d do anything and he’s doing amazing. He loves you so much baby girl. Almost as much as you love him. You both have a special tie to each other and it’s amazing to see. You’ve got your daddy wrapped around your tiny finger and he’s so lucky. We’re so lucky for you. But you gotta remind him sometimes that he’s doing everything just perfectly with you. Nothing can come between that.” 

Dean rubs at the little girls back, hearing her snort softly against his chest “Your grandmother used to tell me as a kid that I had angels watching over me. And well, I didn’t believe that… for a very long time. But then your daddy came into my life and well… now you got your daddy watching over you. Every time he holds you, or thinks about you or loves you, he’s got you little one.” 

Dean looks up on the wall at the little angel decoration that’s hanging about the door, Charlie had sent it when the news of little Grace being born had spread around. Dean was unsure of how Cas was going to react to it but he was the one who called up Charlie immediately after it had arrived. They had talked for almost an hour and after Dean had helped him put it up on the wall. 

A symbol of their past that doesn’t define them but still made them who they are. 

“Your daddy is a very special person Gracie and one day we’ll tell you all about it. But for now I hope you can feel how much he means to you. How much he means to me. And how hard he’s trying.” 

Dean hears the floorboards creak under weight from the otherside of the door. Dean smiles to himself, continuing to rub at the little girls back. 

“Y’know your daddy’s stubborn. Always likes to take everything onto his own plate and deal with it by himself. Somethings never change and it’s fine, we make it work. I know I still got bad habits but your daddy has got to know that he isn’t in this alone. That just because he isn’t an angel anymore doesn’t mean he still can’t help you when things are bad. He became who he is today for you, for me, for himself, for love. We’ve got this great life and I hope he’s enjoying everyday like I am. I hope he’s not all caught up in his own thoughts of what would be different if he was- y'know. Cause that doesn’t matter. It’s never mattered. I love your daddy so much Gracie, I wouldn’t do this with anyone else. He’s so special to us, one of a kind. He’s our angel, regardless.” 

Dean lets his heart stop hammering in his chest before taking a deep breath and getting up out of the chair. He shifts the little girl closer to his neck before opening the door a bit to see a stunned, slightly weepy Cas standing there. 

“Dean I-” Cas starts but Dean just grabs onto his shoulder to pull him into his body. Dean’s childless arm, drapes around Castiel’s body and rubs up and down his spine soothingly. “Cas you’re doing amazing. You are such a good dad and I want you to believe that one day alright?” 

Cas pulls back nodding up at Dean “I know I know- sometimes I just think-” 

“I know sunshine. I know. Remember when we built the Dean Cave, you gave me shit for taking the easy way out. That building all that was part of the journey. Well-” Dean half grins. 

Cas wipes at his eyes with the back of his hands “Asshole using my words against me” He laughs. 

Dean can’t help but feel a weight lift off his shoulders. That special twinkle in Cas’ eye that had been dimmed for far too long was returning. Dean smiles at him “You taught me that every small detailed way to do something was the right way cause it would mean more. And you were right” Dean pulls Cas in by the hip to lean their foreheads together “We got this great thing Cas, you and me. We added a little bundle of Grace to the mix and we’re even stronger now. You can do this, you just gotta believe in yourself cause baby you’re already there.” 

Cas is quick in pulling their mouths together, only breaking apart when their daughter coo’s between them. 

“Sorry sorry” Cas mumbles apologetically. 

“She’s already embarrassed having to see her dad kiss” Dean chuckles, making Cas grin. 

They stay there both just staring at the little one between them, snoring softly against Dean’s chest with her little hand grabbing onto his black pj shirt. 

“Thank you Dean” Cas says breaking their silence. 

“I know you Cas, we’ve been around each other long enough to know when somethings up. So even if I have to pry it out of you.” 

“It feels like a lot sometimes and sometimes I feel that feeling of being able to fix everything so quickly.” 

Dean rubs his thumb along Cas’s cheek “I know, I may not understand but I hear you. I hope in time it gets easier but for now, you don’t have to do this all alone. I’m here for you. Hell Sam, Jody, Charlie, even call Garth I’m sure you two could be friends real quick. They’ll let you talk and vent if I can’t okay? You’ve got people that care about you.” 

Cas nods “Thank you- I think- I think I just needed to hear that.” 

“Feel a bit better?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I got you babe, just as much as you got me.” 

Cas’s cheeks flush “Can’t believe how lucky I got.” 

“I feel even luckier.” 

As if on cue Grace yawns and blinks up between her dads. They both stare at her as she yawns again and then curls back into Dean’s chest. 

“Maybe we should sleep while she’s sleeping?” Dean suggests. 

Cas yawns “that’s a fantastic idea.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> [if you want you can find me on tumblr!](https://jackttwist.tumblr.com/)


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